Epilogue
ASHER
Two years later . . .
I fill my teacher’s assistant in before running out of my classroom and down the hall to Baz’s classroom. I signal to his teacher and quickly tell him that Baz and I have to go to the hospital because Viv is in labor.
My heart is racing, and I can’t fucking get there fast enough.
Baz and I go out to the car, and I'm cursing traffic under my breath before we know it.
“Do you think Mommy is scared?”
I hope not. I should be there. Fuck! “Your mom is the bravest person I know. She’s probably doing way better than me.”
“You’re scared.”
Petrified. Not about being a dad. I already feel like a dad, but to see my wife go through any pain, to wait and make sure the baby is okay. Her due date isn’t for a few days, but I should have stayed with her.
Still it helps to know Lola was with her when her water broke and is there with her now. Not leaving her side. Probably ordering the doctors around.
“You’re going to be my brother’s daddy?”
I swallow the ache and turn to him since the car isn’t moving anyway. “Yes.”
He thinks about it. Older now, but still so young. “Are you mine?”
My heart squeezes in my chest because I feel like I am. And it feels treacherous, like I’m betraying my brother. “Your biological father was my brother, Baz.”
“Colt.”
We’ve never stopped talking about him, and we never will. I nod. “Yes. He and your mom made you together before his accident.”
“But are you my daddy now?”
“Do you want me to be?”
He thinks about it. Baz always thinks first. “Yes.”
I can’t stop the feeling of pride and, maybe, excitement too. “He will always be part of you. Always be your dad too. But if you want my name on all the future forms where your dad’s name goes, and you want to tell everyone you meet I'm your dad, nothing would make me prouder.”
He smiles, and although it feels slightly odd to have to explain this someday, I know it doesn’t really matter.
Colt left a piece of himself behind when he died. Baz was our gift, and I'll make damn sure he has everything he needs.
“You love Mommy?”
“Very much.”
“And me?”
I smile, and the cars finally start to move forward. “Always.”
“And my brother?”
“Always.”
He nods his head like that’s enough for him, and again I try not to think about how odd the whole situation is, but what the fuck ever. With the Sterlings, it’s never easy, but we get there.
Finally, we make it to the hospital just in time for Viv to deliver a beautiful healthy boy.
She offered to name him Colt, but I didn’t feel right about it. That was his name, and I want our baby to have his own identity. To know who he is.
“Mason Sterling, meet your daddy.” Viv hands our precious baby to me, and I cradle him in my arms.
Lola is crying. Viv is holding Baz as they watch us.
I’ll never stop missing my brother, but standing here, there’s no bitterness or anger left.
It’s just us.
Broken and scarred, but healing and oh, so very happy.