Chapter 13
Felix
K ellan Huntley was ridiculous. He stood there at my door, big smile on his face, practically waggling his eyebrows, holding the box of pastries like it was the best gift ever. My mouth twitched, the smile wanting to emerge of its own volition. Part of me wanted to just tell him to go away and shut the door in his face. But the part of me that was softening—and if I were honest with myself, craving connection with him—kept me from doing so.
I warred with myself for a minute or two. Long enough that Kellan’s smile started to slip just a fraction. It was enough to make my mind up. I stepped back.
“Fine. Come in.” I turned without waiting for his answer, knowing he would follow.
He did, with a murmured exclamation of “Yes!” that I ignored entirely. I listened to his footsteps as I slowly made my way through the house and to the kitchen. The scrape of the chair on the tile let me know he was making himself comfortable, and I made no comment until after I got the supplies out of the cabinet above the cabinet.
I glanced over my shoulder and watched him for a few seconds. He’d grabbed a couple of napkins from the holder on the table, and was opening the box, ready to serve. Maybe he felt my gaze on him, because he looked up with a disarming smile. Christ.
I cleared my throat. “What do you want?”
“A latte?” He sounded so hopeful.
I nodded once and because I was unable to look at him if I wanted to keep my sanity. I turned back to the espresso machine to measure out the beans. “Any flavor?”
“Oooh. Whatcha got?” His voice sounded way too close and I turned to find he’d gotten up and was standing right behind me. Thank god I’d opened the beans, and the rich aroma of coffee covered up his scent.
I gestured to the bottles at the back of the counter. “Hazelnut, French vanilla, and I think there’s a little salted caramel left.”
Kellan stepped even closer, as though he actually needed to see even though I’d just listed them off. I took shallow breaths and refused to react. He hummed a thoughtful sound, and after a too-long moment, said, “The French vanilla, please.”
I nodded again and when I went to reach for it to pull it closer, my elbow grazed his abs. He sucked in a breath, and I was suddenly overwhelmed. I nudged him in said abs with said elbow and he took a step back.
“Go sit. I’ve got this.”
“Okay.” But he trailed his fingers over my forearm before he turned back to the table. I had to suppress the shiver that wanted to rack my body. Just from that simple touch. Christ on a cracker, I was a mess. And I couldn’t let him see.
For the next several minutes, I busied myself with making first his French vanilla latte and then my own, though I added hazelnut syrup. I half expected Kellan to start chattering away, but he didn’t say anything either. And honestly, it was kind of nice. Both of us being in the same room, doing mundane things, without any conversation. It was the kind of thing I could get used to if I let myself. Good thing I didn’t have to worry about that.
When the drinks were done, I left my cane hanging on the edge of the counter and carefully carried both cups to the table. I had to walk slowly, and Kellan half rose from his seat as though he was going to help, but one look from me and he sat back down. I slid his cup to him, set my own down, and then gently eased myself into the chair across from him.
We stared at each other until I couldn’t take it and broke the silence. “What did you bring?”
With an exaggerated flourish, Kellan whipped out a cupcake and set it on the napkin in front of me. “Faerie’s Wing! It is apparently exactly like Gargoyle’s Wing, except it has this pretty periwinkle colored frosting, and a smidge of the edible glitter. Regan gave me a head’s up that they were trying it out this weekend, so I thought I’d grab one for you.”
I stared at it in disbelief. The Gargoyle’s Wing had never been a big seller, and Regan always surmised it was because of the gray frosting not being as appetizing to most folks. The only time I got that cupcake was when Teague was trying to butter me up or bribe me. And yet here it was, in a new iteration. Sure, the color was different, but that didn’t affect the taste. And the glitter was new, but again, inconsequential. The important part for me was the white cake and the nib sugar, and those were there. I even peeled down the edge of the wrapper a tad to check.
“Uh, if you don’t want it, I also got eclairs because—eep!”
Kellan had reached for my cupcake and without thought, I’d grabbed his wrist to keep him from taking it. He didn’t fight my hold, and instead relaxed, as though he was perfectly happy with me hanging on to him. I swear I felt his pulse spike under my fingertips, and I had to make myself let go.
“No. This is good.”
Kellan sat back, taking his latte with him, and lifting the cup to his lips. I didn’t miss the knowing smile. He took a sip and hummed his approval before he stretched out his legs so they bumped into mine.
“So cupcakes do work on you,” he murmured.
“This is just a new version of my favorite cupcake, but that one, the Gargoyle’s Wing didn’t sell well and….” I trailed off, unsure of why I was trying to defend myself. It was unnecessary. I fell back into old patterns and glared. “I want an éclair too.”
He didn’t hesitate to grab another napkin, fish an éclair out of the box, and slide it over to me. He looked a little smug, as though he was very pleased with himself.
“See, these are things I need to know about you. Felix Decker has a sweet tooth.” And then he winked.
“Only for certain things,” I said, then sighed. Because it was clear what he really meant, and where this was going. And I had a choice to make. I could either let him play and flirt, and maybe flirt back, or I could do the smart thing and shut it down now, before he got even more invested. It pained me to do the smart thing. “Kellan, look, I get what you’re—”
“Remember that weekend we had? We talked and laughed and fucked. It was—” he gathered his fingertips together and kissed them in the common “chef’s kiss” motion “—but it was just forty-eight hours of our lives. It was only the beginning of us getting to know each other and we didn’t get more because life happened. Your accident happened. But we’ve both grown and changed, and I realized we need to get to know each other as we are now.”
“Kellan—”
“It’s clear we still have the…spark or chemistry or connection…whatever you want to call it. That thing that drew us together back then is still there.” He sat forward even as he hooked his ankle around mine. Damn him and his long legs. His expression was open and earnest, and even though I wanted to interrupt, I couldn’t. “I wanna explore that. I want to get to know you and see where this thing between us goes. And unless you tell me otherwise, in explicit and certain terms, I’m gonna keep trying.”
This was it. This was my chance to tell him to go, that I didn’t want to “explore” as he said, and I knew, without a doubt, that if I said that, he would leave. He’d be hurt, but he would go and we’d never revisit this again. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even see him again. All I had to do was say the words.
Instead, I said, “It isn’t a good idea.”
The corner of his expressive mouth quirked up. “That’s not a no.”
I scowled, which for some reason, only made his smile grow. “It’s not smart. Kellan, you can do so much better than me.”
“That’s still not a no. You’re going to have to do better than that if you really want me to leave,”
“I can’t be what you need!” I hadn’t meant to yell. I took a deep breath, and then another, before I looked him in the eye. I almost couldn’t stand the compassion there. “My moods are shit at least half the time. My challenges, my pain, it’s wearying. And I know damn well what you like in bed. I know you like to be held down and manhandled and fucked hard, and I can’t do that anymore. ”
I was breathing rapidly, my tone having risen again at the end. My cheeks flushed, both from embarrassment and anger. Why did he have to push? It would have been so much easier if he just took what I was saying at face value.
“Felix.” He said my name so softly, I looked at him again. He reached out and took my hand, and when I didn’t fight it, he flipped my hand over to trace his fingers along my palm. It was a soft touch but seductive, and it sent a shock of lust through me.
“Felix,” he said again, making sure he had my full attention. “Your legs and your pain are not a deterrent for me. Your attitude? Well, we can work on that because you should be able to be happy. But the rest?”
“Is important,” I muttered.
Kellan nodded. “It is. Sex is an important part of a relationship like ours. And I do like it the way you said. I’m a bossy bottom who likes to be made to do things. But first of all, that’s not the only way I like sex. And second? You can still do plenty of that without the physical strength you think you’re lacking. Your arms are insane, babe. I’m sure you can do plenty of holding down.”
The lust in his gaze was an ego boost for sure. But he didn’t understand. I’d tried. After I’d healed enough, I’d tried to get back out there. A friend had been having a party the same weekend I’d been back in New York City for my final doctor’s visit with my specialist there. I’d just gotten the news that I’d healed as much as I could, and the rest of my life would be about maintaining the mobility and strength I had. I’d heard what the boys at the party had said about me. And when one of them gave me a go anyway, I saw the utter disappointment on his face when it hadn’t been good enough for him.
There’d been a few guys since then, and I hadn’t even tried to be the top I used to be, so we’d all gotten off and were satisfied. So I knew what kind of sex I was capable of now. And I knew Kellan wouldn’t be satisfied with that forever.
“You don’t understand,” I began and tried to pull my hand away. But he grabbed it, holding on tight, not letting me put distance between us. “What I can do, what I’m capable of, it won’t keep you happy in the long run.”
A myriad of emotions crossed his face, too quick for me to parse out. But then he gave a single nod, as if he somehow came to a conclusion. Slowly, he let go of my hand, and then he stood. I couldn’t stop the acute disappointment that flared in my gut. Even though I’d said it, and meant it, a pang of sadness washed through me that he was actually leaving.
But he didn’t walk out the door. He rounded the table, turned my chair toward him with brute strength and a tiny grunt of effort, and got on his knees for me. He was so tall he wasn’t that much shorter than me sitting down. All I would have to do was lean forward and I could capture his kissable mouth. His eyes were huge and wet, the pupils dilating and he set his hands ever so gently on my thighs.
“So show me,” he whispered and licked his lips, making them shiny.
“What?” I croaked.
“I don’t believe that you can’t still be the commanding top I want. So you’re going to have to show me .”
Something about the challenge snapped something in me and I growled as I grabbed his face. I gentled my touch, just a little because I didn’t want to hurt him, and slid one hand behind his neck to pull him in. I didn’t go slow, and I wasn’t soft, because I did still want him, and if this was all I got, I was going to make it count. I kissed him, hard and forceful, making him surrender. I mapped the inside of his mouth with my tongue, and he gave back, his tongue tangling with mine. I used my hold on him to bring him close, then gripped his hair so he couldn’t get away.
One kiss bled into another and then another, both of us snatching breath when we could, but not stopping. Kellan whimpered into my mouth, and I tightened my hold. I had to be pulling his hair in a painful way, but I didn’t care and it seemed, neither did he. When he moved his hand to my waist band and slipped his fingers underneath so he could touch skin, I wrenched my mouth from his to suck in a breath.
Kellan’s lips were red and swollen, his pupils blown, and his cheeks flushed. He was gorgeous like this, the lust riding him, and my dick, which had been getting interested since the moment our lips touched, hardened more.
“I wanna suck you off,” he whined, moving his hands to the zipper of my jeans. “Please, Felix.”
“Get my cock out,” I orderly gruffly. I didn’t let go of his hair.
Kellan’s fingers scrambled for a second before he got the button and zipper undone. He tugged a little, and I lifted up just enough so that he could get my pants and underwear down so my dick sprang free. I couldn’t hold it anymore and dropped back down to the seat. Kellan whined, tugging again.
“That’s far enough. Get to work.” I used my grip to guide him down and Kellan went eagerly, tongue out before he got close. I had to watch, as much as I could, that pink hair gripped tightly in my fingers.
I was instantly reminded of what a good cocksucker Kellan was. He knew just how to use his tongue on the slit, the frenulum, and the underside to make me leak. I loved the greedy noises he made, as though it was the best thing he ever tasted, and when he took me in and hollowed his cheeks, I had to grit my teeth to keep from shouting. I couldn’t stop the moan though, and it snaked up my throat and past my lips.
That only seemed to spur him on. Little by little, he took more and more of me until his nose was pressed against skin. I held him there for just a second before easing up, and he pulled back with the tiniest choking noise, spit coating everything. He did it again and again, going all the way down, the head of my cock nudging his throat, and then he swallowed.
I groaned long and loud. It felt so good, the tight, wet heat of his mouth. He tried to deep throat me again, but I held him off, keeping him just shy of his goal. Kellan took the direction for what it was and worked me good with his tongue, sucking hard. Then he grabbed my ass and pulled, making it clear what he wanted.
“Are you sure?” I panted out. It was all I could do to not immediately start fucking his mouth, but I had to be sure. He nodded, and titled his head just enough so that I could see his eyes. He wanted this as much as I did.
“Pinch me if it gets to be too much.” That was all I had time for before I started thrusting. Kellan took it all, moaning and whining, working me with his mouth. My orgasm rushed up so hard and fast, all I could do was shout his name before I came. It made me light headed and a little dizzy, and it took a minute for me to get my breath back and realize he was cleaning me up with little licks that were almost too much for my sensitive cock.
I tugged him off, and he whined again. I couldn’t help the smug smirk that crossed my lips. “Stand up.”
He was quick to obey, standing over me, and unfortunately making me lose my hold on his hair. I wished I could pull him down on my lap, but my legs just couldn’t handle that in this position. A touch of annoyance crept in, but I could deal with that after I got him off. I unceremoniously pulled down his shorts and they pooled around his ankles. He wasn’t wearing underwear, and his dick was long, thick, and purple.
The angle was wrong for me to suck him off, which was a shame. I would have returned the favor. Instead, I spit into my hand, and used the copious amounts of precum he was leaking to slick him up. Then I set a hard and fast rhythm, remembering how he liked it and loving that he was so on edge, just from giving me a blow job.
“Come on, honey,” I encouraged with a voice full of gravel. “Make a mess.”
He shouted wordlessly as his cock erupted, string after string of cum landing on my hand and shirt. I kept going even when I knew it had to hurt, and didn’t stop until I got that final, tiny spurt of cum. His legs were shaking, and he bent over me, just trying to hold himself up.
For a minute or two, we just breathed. And then he let out a chuckle.
“Holy shit, Felix.”
Yeah. It had been good. But would it be enough in the long run? I didn’t think so.
“We need to get cleaned up.”
Kellan nodded, kissed the top of my head, stepping back and leaving his shorts where they were. Then he seemed to think better of it and kicked them under the table. He shot me a cheeky grin, but his eyes were wide and pleading.
“I wanna get in your bed.”
I didn’t know how to say no to that. I didn’t want to. I guess the demonstration wasn’t over yet.
“Bring the cupcake.”