16. Vivienne
16
VIVIENNE
I feel like death. Drinking half a bottle of wine was probably not a great idea. I use my arm to shield my eyes from the sunlight peeking through my window and groan as I force myself to get out of bed.
I make my way to Sebastian’s room and see his bed is empty, but I hear him laughing from downstairs and know he’s probably with Asher.
Asher.
Jesus, did I actually hit on him last night? Try to convince him to sleep with me? Use me?
“I’ll spread my legs for you.”
Yeah, that came out of my mouth. I try to shake that off, but figuratively only because, my god, my head is killing me, and I don’t think shaking it would be a good idea right now. I didn’t bother to remove my makeup last night and just pulled my hair into a messy ponytail. I don’t even want to see a mirror. I changed out of my dress and into sweat shorts and a large t-shirt before climbing into my bed last night.
I walk down the stairs to the kitchen where I see Asher standing at the stove wearing a tank top and black joggers, flipping pancakes in a pan, and not just any pancakes—Mickey Mouse pancakes.
“Mommy!” Baz runs to me, wrapping his little arms around my leg, and I smile down at him, happy to see him .
“Good morning, sweetie! Did you have fun last night?”
He nods happily, going back to his plate of cut-up pancake, poking a fork through one of the pieces. “I did. Sawyer is funny.”
I laugh at the way he says Sawyer, it sounding more like “Swearer.” “Yeah, he’s something.”
My eyes meet Asher’s, who’s holding out a plate with a pancake on it. “You want one?”
I wave it off, trying to be polite and not completely humiliated by my actions last night. “No, thank you. I’m not hungry.”
He nods as if he already knew that would be the case. He places the plate on the counter, goes to the cabinet where we keep the medicine and hands me two ibuprofen pills instead. That I do take.
I grab a cup from the cabinet and fill it with water, taking the pills. “Thank you.”
“No problem.”
I can’t read him this morning. He seems to be cautious around me, and I suppose that makes sense after the way I acted last night.
I take a seat across from my son at the table as he stuffs his adorable little face. “So, you were okay last night? What did you do?”
He’s still chewing as he thinks about my question. “We watched Spiderman, and then Swearer had to go home because Uncle Asher has no balls.”
Baz starts cracking up, and I look over my shoulder at Asher, who’s fighting a laugh, shaking his head. “Sawyer still has no filter but actually did pretty well.”
I sigh and turn back to Sebastian. “That’s not something you should say.”
“Why? Balls are fun.” Sebastian looks confused now as I turn back to Asher.
He shrugs, turning off the burner and walking over to join us. “He’s not wrong.”
I decide to let it go and focus back on Baz. “So, what do you want to do today?”
Please say sit in a dark room not talking or moving for a few hours while mommy gets over her hangover . “I want Swearer to come over and we all go swimming outside! It’s sunny! ”
I look out the patio doors and feel a sense of dread just thinking about that sunshine right now as my head throbs. “Okay.”
Baz jumps out of his chair and does a little happy dance that makes my head throb more, but he’s just so damn cute. “Oh yeah! Oh yeah! We’re going swimming.”
Asher grins as he takes a bite of pancake, and I look at Sebastian’s plate that only has a couple of pieces of pancake left. “Are you going to finish eating?”
“No. I go play now.”
He runs off before I can say anything, and I take a drink from my cup, praying the ibuprofen will kick in soon.
“Are you still pissed at me?”
Damn it. I was hoping we could just pretend last night didn’t happen. At least have some gentle small talk first, but that’s not his style. “Why would I be?”
My eyes meet his, and he nods his head, not sporting his usual smile as he takes another bite. “Never mind.”
I sigh and take another drink, hating that I’m an adult, and I know I can’t leave it like that. We live together. “No. You know what, I need to handle this differently. I get it, okay. You’re not attracted to me that way.” I smile the best I can. “You like fake and easy.”
“I do.” I hate his brash honesty that seems to come way too easy for him. He takes another bite off his fork and then points it at me. “And that’s not you.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I know. Are you seriously still on the ‘I can just hookup’ thing? I really thought that was just the wine talking.”
I roll my eyes, irritated that he doesn’t understand that maybe the wine made me braver, but it just brought everything up to the surface, things that have been festering for years. “Maybe the way it came out was because of the wine, but I’m still a young woman, Asher.” His eyes study me, his lips pouty and perfect as he stares at me. “I still have a desire to be wanted. To be touched.”
“Well, I can’t be the one to touch you.”
“Why?”
He stares at me, flabbergasted as he places his fork on his plate and leans back in his chair, his hand raking through his unruly hair. “You know why.”
“Because I’m a mom. I get it.”
But I don’t. Not really. And I’m frustrated.
“No, it’s not that. I’ll fuck a MILF any day if she’s down for a casual fuck.” Before I can argue he pulls his hand from his hair and waves me off. “That’s not you. You aren’t a casual girl. Be honest, if things were different and Colt wouldn’t have died, you might have wanted more.”
I hate how right he is. I tried to talk to Colt at school a couple of times after we hooked up, and he fled. He wanted nothing to do with me, but I wanted to be around him.
Asher knows he’s right, and he nods, picking his fork back up and poking a piece of pancake. “That proves it wasn’t just a hookup. You aren’t fake or easy. You’re complicated, and that’s not a bad thing.”
I hate the words he’s saying, but mostly because I know deep down, he’s right.
“I don’t want a relationship. Not ever. And I can’t do that to you.” He doesn’t move the fork to his mouth. Instead he locks his eyes on me. “I don’t give a flying fuck about hurting Bianca or others like her. I’m an asshole like that, but you...” I watch him swallow and see the vulnerability in his eyes. “I won’t hurt you.”
“Because I’m Baz’s mom.”
“No, because you’re Viv.” He shrugs his large shoulders, and I watch his biceps flex with tension. “I don’t let people in as a rule. I hate getting close to people, but you snuck your way in over the past few years, and I care about you.”
Wow. I didn’t see that coming.
“I care about you too. And Baz loves you dearly.”
“I’ll always be his uncle, no matter what. But I don’t want to lose your friendship either.”
Damn it. I hate this charming asshole, but not really . I don’t think I could hate him if I tried.
“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
He smirks and takes a bite. “And it’s not that I’m not attracted to you. If we were total strangers, I’d fuck the shit out of you.”
I hold up a hand, laughing. “Please stop. We’re good. ”
Baz runs in like the little tornado he is, wrapping his arms around my waist and looking up at me. “Mommy! Can we go swimming now?”
“Oh no.” I look over at Asher. “I still need to get a new suit.”
“Go.” He nods to Sebastian. “We’ll be fine here.”
Baz nods his head at his uncle in agreement.
I shake my head. “No, you watched him all night. He can come with me.”
Asher stands, walking over to the sink to rinse his plate off. “To hang out in a women’s dressing room while his mommy tries on swimsuits?”
I stand up, still feeling the throbbing in my head. “He’s three.”
“Still. It’ll be fine, Viv.” Baz runs to him, wrapping around his legs. Asher picks him up and turns him upside down while my son giggles uncontrollably. “Besides, he made quite the impression on Sawyer. He’s planning to come back over today to hang out.”
I laugh at that. “Well, he is pretty loveable.”
Baz giggles as Asher tickles him, and I watch them together happily.
Maybe Asher is right, and we shouldn’t mess with what we have right now because it feels pretty damn perfect.