Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Isolde
Having Lucas in what’s essentially my home makes me fidgety as I pick Leila up from the pack and play that I placed her in, hoping she’d stay asleep. That didn’t happen, and my eyes feel as if they’re burning with exhaustion.
This is normal as a new mom, right? I’ll be fine. A shower would be really nice though…
“You’re not sleeping,” Lucas states, making himself a cup of coffee.
“She doesn’t like to be put down, not unless she’s in the car,” I say around a yawn. “I don’t need a lot of sleep so I’m fine. I’m just trying to keep us both alive.”
“Is this your way of telling me that you haven’t eaten?” he teases me.
“Today? No. But it’s still early,” I say. “The guys fed me last night before I left.”
“I see,” he says, fixing his coffee and taking a sip. “Come share my coffee with me, darlin’.”
My lips open to tell him I couldn’t possibly, but I shut them as he gives me a measured stare. I guess a little caffeine could help.
“Tell me about Leila,” he says as I move closer to him. He puts the mug at my lips and tips it slightly so I can chase the flow of merciful bean juice.
“Mmm,” I moan, swallowing before he carefully moves the mug so he can take a sip.
“She sleeps a lot, but only if she’s on top of me.
I read that I’m not supposed to fall asleep with her, which is why I’m so tired.
Every time I go to put her down, she wakes up and cries.
Leila is really easy to keep happy otherwise.
As long as I feed, change, and snuggle her, she’s good to go. ”
“I see,” he says. “You know, we have a lot of extra hands at the pack house.”
“Is that what we’re calling it now?” I ask, watching as he opens the fridge.
“It is. How do you feel about fruit and yogurt right now?” he asks.
Thinking, I shrug. “Favorably,” I decide, just as my stomach complains that it’s hungry.
“Granola?” he asks, pulling things out of the fridge.
“I just bought some I think,” I admit.
I watch as he begins cutting fruit. He came over immediately to feed me and check on me. This alpha is amazing. Speaking of…
“I can’t sleep at the mansion,” I say. “You know it’s too big for me.”
“I do. I figured out how to fix that,” he says,
“I don’t think leveling it is the answer,” I chuckle. I’ve heard the guys say that this is something he wants to do several times.
It feels like too grand a gesture for me.
Leila makes a little sigh as she sleeps in my arms, her lips pouting as she dreams. God, she’s so cute. I even love the little drool she has on the edge of her lips.
The second I saw her, I felt that she was mine. It was this moment of feral, raging need to keep her safe. I don’t know that I believe in maternal instinct, as my own mother didn’t really have much of it. However, I know that I want to give her everything I can to make her happy.
“Well, maybe it’s not the answer today,” Lucas says cryptically.
“I have lots of land, and I want to have a smaller cottage built in the backyard. It’s beautiful there in the spring.
It would keep us closer to you, and when you’re there, we’d live there with you.
That is, unless you kick us out. Either way, it’s yours. ”
“You’re making me a tiny house?” I ask, shaking my head.
“No, nothing like that. It’s a do it yourself house where everything snaps together. All you have to do after is have electric and plumbing installed. I have Grant working on logistics now.”
I continue to blink at him uncomprehendingly as he pushes a bowl of yogurt, strawberries, bananas, and granola closer to me.
He offers me a bottle of honey, and all I can do is nod as I attempt to process his words.
Lucas drizzles a healthy amount over his concoction and slides his coffee over the small island so that we’re standing shoulder to shoulder.
Picking up the spoon, he creates what he feels is the perfect bite and lifts it to my lips.
“Open,” he murmurs. “Don’t make me sing for the privilege.”
This alpha. Smirking, I open my mouth and accept the spoonful of yogurt, closing my lips as he pulls the spoon away. Chewing slowly, my lashes flutter closed as the flavors hit my tongue. This is really good.
I might have to make this when I’m starving and haven’t a clue what I want to eat. The crunch of the granola also keeps me from getting grossed out by the feeling of yogurt.
Yes, Ophelia’s wonderful starving techniques have kept me from being able to eat normally. I can’t wait to cut her tongue from her mouth. Something about having Leila in my life makes me want to face her again.
Maybe I’m just ready to move on? Jefferson City Auction has been functioning and ruining lives for way too long. I heard that Rock Dresmond was killed recently, and I didn’t shed a single tear. It simply means she isn’t as well protected as she once was.
Her guard dog and his pack are dead. I just need to plan out how I want to do it. Gazing down at Leila, I take a deep breath. She’s going to need more than just me if I’m going to do this.
“Are you really okay with this?” I ask. “Raising someone else’s child is asking a lot.”
“You didn’t ask,” he says, smiling. My heart begins to sink because he’s right.
I didn’t. “I wouldn’t expect you to either.
You were pulled to this sweet girl, and I would have done the same thing you did.
You threw your chips on the table, Isolde.
There’s not a reality that exists where your alphas wouldn’t step up to accept you and her.
I know we’re all very different people, but I know that much is true. ”
“Wow,” I whisper, my lips trembling.
“No crying,” he purrs. “I’m here. Take a few more bites for me like a good girl and then I’ll take her so you can shower.”
Lucas’ phone buzzes, and he pulls it out of his pocket to glance at it.
“It's silenced outside of our pack,” he grunts. “Grant is out on the porch still, and he has a few different floor plans he wants you to see.”
“I am beginning to realize that I’m not the only one who is insane.”
“You’re just figuring this out?” he asks, grinning.
Lucas helps me take another bite of food since my hands are full while he shows me the layouts, and I feel incredibly well cared for. I love the way he manages to do this in the smallest ways.
The four of them do, but I really missed Lucas.
Okay, Grant too. His over the top presents he’s had delivered here have been a lifesaver.
Just this morning, a baby carrier was delivered before they got here.
I have to figure out how to use it, but it may give me back my hands so I can at least eat and brush my teeth.
Smirking at Lucas, I glance down at the phone.
“I like the layout of the third option,” I decide. “The rooms seem to flow well. How high are the ceilings?”
“They aren’t vaulted,” he reassures me. “This one has a loft. It could be a good place for your next heat?”
Taking a deep breath, I struggle not to shudder. “The spikes are getting worse,” I admit. “What am I going to do if I have my heat with Leila, if it even happens?”
“We’ll manage,” he says patiently. “It’s a double edged sword, darlin’.
You’ll have our support and we’ll get our girls if you spend more time with us, but the trade off is that this will probably set off your heat if you’re having breakthrough spikes.
Think about what would make you comfortable in that situation. ”
“I don’t know,” I sigh.
I’m a little more loose-lipped than usual. Having him in my kitchen is nice, and I can’t help myself. I’m beginning to ask myself why I’ve been keeping this place from them. Except, deep down, I know. It’s because they’re harder to resist with extended exposure.
I need to take the first step and stop holding them at arm’s length. I have to be honest with them, starting with Lucas.
“That’s the problem. I’ve never had a real heat,” I explain, swallowing hard.
Lucas abandons the phone and spoon to give me his full attention, his stormy blue eyes showing a range of emotions.
“It was always forced, and my first time having sex was rape at the auction warehouse. It’s hard to know what I want or what’ll help me feel safe when I don’t have any real experience with that,” I rasp.
“That’s fair,” he says. “I can tell you enjoy control. Maybe we can try something that’s along those lines. I am not rushing you, I just feel that sex with one of us before your heat may be best. I don’t want you to murder us all while fucking us.”
“I don’t think that’ll happen,” I giggle. His lips twitch, and I realize that he meant to make me laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”
“I am today,” he acknowledges. “I’m opting for levity, but I do mean it.
I want you to have a positive experience before your heat.
We’ve been trying to build up to that over the last few weeks.
Not because there’s anything scary about your heat or sex, but to rewrite how you’ve experienced it.
We’re going to take such good care of you, darlin’. ”
Biting my lip, I clamp my legs closed tightly. “Don’t start things that I’m too tired to continue.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he says, lips pressed tightly together to hide a smile. He picks up the empty bowl and washes it efficiently before also washing the dirty cutting board, spoon, and knife.
Placing everything in the dish drainer rack, he dries his hands on the kitchen towel before walking over to me and putting his phone in his pocket.
“I’ll hold the baby so you can shower, Isolde. Then we’ll figure out a way for us all to sleep.”
Nodding, I walk out of the kitchen and through the house toward my room while Lucas trails behind me. I can hear him texting someone, and I figure that it’s Grant. I did choose a layout, after all.
“Okay,” I murmur, turning toward him, swallowing hard.
“I can handle holding a baby, but you can show me how if it’ll help make you feel better,” he murmurs, standing before me with his arms by his sides.
“That’s not it,” I say.
“Then what is it?” he asks.