Chapter 4
TATE
My whole body seized up at Hawke’s words and I knew I was fucked.
I’d been foolish enough to forget for a few minutes that this man was not my friend.
My desperation to have someone to share my burdens with had blinded me to who he was and why he was here.
And as his hard blue eyes held mine, I felt the knot of tension in my gut build.
I willed myself not to escape into my head like I wanted to because I couldn’t risk not being completely aware if he went after Matty to get to me.
But focusing was harder than I thought as I kept hearing the doctor’s mechanical voice repeating that same word over and over again.
Leukemia .
Cancer. Matty had cancer. My sweet, funny, kind-hearted little boy had cancer.
And he was just that – my little boy. He’d become that the moment I’d stolen him in the dead of night from the doublewide trailer I’d shared with Denny and Buck.
I was his father and there was absolutely nothing I could do for him.
I’d spent two years trying to protect him from the worst kind of evil, but I couldn’t protect him from the disease that coursed through his blood.
And I couldn’t protect him from the man across from me either.
I could try, but Hawke could best me physically and, based on the certainty of his voice a moment ago, he had already bested me mentally by taking away my choices.
Despair rushed through me as I realized I was back exactly where I’d been two years earlier… only now I had a new jailer.
“What do you want?” I managed to ask, though my voice sounded like a hoarse croak.
“A couple of days of your time, that’s it,” Hawke said easily…too easily.
“For what?” I stammered. I hated that the man sat so comfortably in the chair across from me…like we were old buddies just shooting the breeze. I wondered if the son of a bitch liked playing with me because he had to know how scared I was.
“You come with me to Lulling…help me find Buck and Denny-”
“No,” I said before the last syllable even left his mouth. “Absolutely not.”
I finally saw a reaction in the man – an almost imperceptible hardening of his jaw – and I felt my heart lurch in my chest. “Matty needs to be admitted to the hospital within the next couple of days,” I added, hoping that would somehow make this man see that what he was asking was impossible.
Even if Matty hadn’t been sick, my answer would have been the same, but I didn’t tell him that.
“I have some friends who can watch Matty while he’s getting treated.”
“Friends?” I asked stupidly.
“In Seattle.”
I laughed before I could stop myself and stood up. “You’re insane,” I snapped, my anger replacing my fear.
His irritation was no longer subtle as he got to his feet. I half expected to see him pull out the gun, but he didn’t. He just strode towards me and didn’t stop until he was just inches away. The kitchen counter was at my back so I had no way to escape him.
“Here’s my offer, Tate,” he bit out. I hated the way my name sounded on his lips – like a curse. “We leave for Seattle tomorrow. I’ll make sure Matty gets the finest care possible and I’ll pay for it…al l of it, no matter how long it takes. In return, you give me a week in Lulling.”
I shook my head emphatically. “I am not leaving my son!”
I expected Hawke to point out that Matty wasn’t mine, but he didn’t.
He just stepped even closer to me, his body almost brushing mine.
I could feel the heat from his body drifting over me and I had the overwhelming urge to wrap my arms around him and try to soak some of it up because every part of me felt bitterly cold.
“One of my friends is a doctor-”
“I don’t care,” I snapped. Since he was taller than me, I was forced to look up at him and the move made me feel small and insignificant. Powerless.
I knew Hawke was done with me when his big hand came up to wrap around my throat. He didn’t exert any pressure, he just held me there. It was a warning, a message. But I held my ground and whispered, “I am not leaving my son.”
“Very noble,” Hawke murmured as he glared at me. “Is that nobility gonna pay for the treatment your kid needs?”
I swallowed hard and didn’t miss when Hawke’s eyes dropped to where he was holding me. His gaze returned to mine just as quickly and I swore I saw a flash of something in his eyes that seemed out of place. Understanding? Compassion? Respect?
I nearly laughed at the prospect. This man had none of those things.
“Fine, we’ll play it your way,” Hawke murmured and he released me. But he didn’t step away from me. “What do you think will happen to little Matty when the cops show up questioning you about a murder that happened ten years ago? A murder where a partial match to your DNA was discovered?”
Disbelief flooded my nerve endings, then white hot fear as I understood what he was saying. “The…the lab would never give the cops my DNA.”
“You really think they gave it to me?” Hawke asked calmly.
And I knew in that instant that he had me.
It didn’t matter how he’d managed to find my DNA.
It didn’t matter that he knew I hadn’t been involved in whatever murder he was talking about.
Even if the cops couldn’t use my DNA, that wouldn’t stop them from investigating me and that meant Matty would go into foster care.
And if he went into the system, I’d never get him back.
I leaned back against the counter for support as my knees threatened to give way.
This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t have come this far, given up so much, only to have this man take it away from me.
To have cancer take it from me. I struggled to draw in air as a dull roaring began in my head.
I tried to focus on a spot on one of the cabinets on the other side of the small kitchen, but my vision began to dim.
“Tate.”
The soft, gentle murmuring of my name was so different from the angry way it had been said before. I wanted to hear it again. And then I did, but it got better because the warmth I had been craving seeped into a spot just above my elbows.
“Open your eyes, Tate.”
I shook my head because I knew what was waiting for me if I did.
And then sparks of electricity flared to life on my cheek and I sucked in a soft breath at the sensation.
I forced my eyes open and saw Hawke watching me intently, his wide, firm lips slightly parted, his flinty blue eyes focused on me… no, not me, my lips.
I didn’t move as I made sense of the flash of heat on my cheek.
He was caressing me there, the rough pad of his thumb dragging over my skin.
When his finger stilled, I brought my hand up to close around his wrist. But not to stop him, not to push him away.
To prevent his escape. To urge him on. To beg him to keep the pain and fear at bay for just another few seconds.
Hawke’s eyes drifted from my face to my hand where I was holding him and I saw his eyes shutter and then go dark as he released his hold on me. I cursed my foolishness and quickly dropped my hand.
“We’re leaving in the morning,” he finally said as he stepped back.
I didn’t say anything as he went back to the chair and sat down.
It took me a long time to find the strength and the will to move.
And when I finally did, I went to Matty’s room to start packing his things.
Because like so many times in my life, my choice to do anything else had been taken away from me.
Since Matty’s room didn’t have a clock in it, I had no idea what time it was when I finally woke up the next morning.
What I did know was that my son’s warm little body wasn’t lying next to me anymore and I jerked upright and stumbled out of the bed.
I ripped the closed door open and scanned the small space and then felt my breath come out in a whoosh when I heard my son’s voice.
I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but it took only seconds to find him.
He was sitting with Hawke at the kitchen table and he was talking excitedly about the Spiderman doll in his hands.
“It was Daddy’s when he was little,” Matty was explaining as he moved the doll’s arms and legs into different positions.
I was shaking when I reached the pair and while Hawke looked at me with an unreadable expression, Matty smiled and said, “Hawke says we’re going on a trip.”
Several things occurred to me as I took in my son and the hard man across from him.
One, I probably shouldn’t be letting my son call the man by his first name.
But I realized just as quickly that I didn’t know the man’s last name and I wasn’t about to ask.
I didn’t want to know what it was…I didn’t want to know any more about him than was absolutely necessary.
The other thing I noticed was the half eaten bowl of Cheerios on the table.
Since we’d been out of the cereal the day Hawke burst into our lives, I knew what the box and the container of milk next to it meant.
“Where did these come from?” I asked Hawke.
“Hawke and I went shopping while you were sleeping, Daddy,” Matty answered, though I kept my eyes on Hawke. He, in turn, held my gaze, unconcerned at the growing anger I knew had to be wafting off of me.
“You took him without my permission?” I said, knowing the question was stupid. This man didn’t need my permission to do anything. Whatever he wanted, he took .
Hawke didn’t move, didn’t smile…didn’t do anything but stare at me with his cold, cobalt eyes. “Figured you wouldn’t want him eating pizza for breakfast,” he finally responded. “And we have a long day of driving ahead of us.”