Chapter 6 #2
Hawke didn’t respond in any way. Anger surged through me, but I quelled it and said, “Please.”
The only reaction I got was Hawke drumming a couple of his fingers on the steering wheel.
The red glow from the lights on the dashboard let me see a little of his face and I could tell he wasn’t happy.
But I didn’t give a shit. My son came first. Before I could repeat my request, Hawke turned on the blinker and steered the car off the Interstate at the next exit.
There was only one small motel just off the freeway and I could only hope it was reasonably clean because the outside appearance was not encouraging.
Hawke was already out of the car a second after he slammed it into park and he was back a moment later with the room key… a single room key.
I kept my mouth shut as he drove us around to the other side of the motel and parked in front of our room.
There were only a couple of other cars in the lot.
As I pulled Matty from the backseat, Hawke got our stuff from the trunk and then opened the door.
I breathed a sigh of relief when he flicked on the lights.
It wasn’t a pretty room, but it looked clean.
I carried Matty to one of the two beds and sat down.
“Matty, do you feel like taking a bath tonight?” I asked softly against his head. I felt him nod against my chest and I couldn’t help but smile. My kid loved his baths.
Hawke dropped mine and Matty’s bag on the bed next to me.
I looked up to see him staring at Matty.
I was surprised to see that the mask of indifference had disappeared and in its place was an intense look of longing.
His eyes shifted to me and I sucked in a breath at the impact it had on me.
God, what I would have given to have him lean down to brush his lips over mine.
I didn’t know if Hawke saw something in my gaze because his eyes went dark with some unnamed emotion and then he shuttered them and suddenly turned and left the room.
No explanation, no saying when he would be back.
I shook my head as I held Matty tighter.
I needed to get a fucking grip. If Hawke had any idea of the direction my thoughts kept wandering in, he’d kick my ass for sure.
I took Matty into the bathroom and got his bath started.
He woke up enough to play with his new toy and his Spiderman doll in the tub, but as soon as I got him out and started drying him off, he started to drift again and by the time I put him in one of the beds, he was completely out.
Hawke still hadn’t returned so I used the time to change into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
After rinsing, I used a hand towel to dry my mouth and turned to leave the bathroom when I saw Hawke watching me from the doorway.
I managed to stifle a gasp at his sudden presence because I hadn’t heard the door open.
“I’m done in here,” I managed to choke out as I willed my speeding heart to slow down.
I put the towel down on the counter. Hawke hadn’t moved at all and I felt excitement flood my system as his eyes stayed on me.
I couldn’t pinpoint what he was thinking, but I knew what I was thinking… or rather, what my body was.
Since Hawke’s big body was blocking most of the doorway and he didn’t seem to be in any rush to move, I was forced to try to get past him without touching him.
It would have worked if he hadn’t stepped forward just a little bit as I was walking past. The move had me pressed back against the doorframe and I froze in place as Hawke’s body brushed mine.
The contact lasted only seconds, but it felt like forever as his chest skimmed mine.
Even through my T-shirt, my skin burned and lit up with sensation and I sucked in a harsh breath as he held the position for a brief moment.
I looked up to see that Hawke’s eyes were on me - on my mouth to be exact - and I licked my lips in anticipation.
His whole body drew up tight and we both held there.
The air sizzled around us and heat flooded my entire system as my cock filled in eagerness.
And I knew if I didn’t move, he’d notice it because his crotch was almost brushing mine. If he just moved forward a little bit…
The whole thing ended when Hawke stepped past me into the bathroom and began to shut the door.
I moved out of the way and felt my knees nearly give out as the door clicked into place.
I stumbled to the bed I was sharing with Matty and dropped down on it and tried to catch my breath.
I knew the encounter hadn’t lasted more than a few seconds and that I’d read way more into it than it had been, but it was just more proof that being in Hawke’s presence was dangerous in so many ways.
Anxiety crept over me as the feeling of being trapped took over.
Two years ago I’d risked everything to escape the life that had been forced upon me.
And now it was happening all over again.
Hawke, cancer…I couldn’t escape th ose things.
Despair sank into my bones as I crawled into bed next to Matty and rested my head on the pillow next to his.
But just as quickly as the hopelessness had come over me, the second Matty rolled and pressed himself up against my chest, it receded and I wrapped my arms around my son.
Whatever came tomorrow and the next day and the day after that…
I’d handle it. I had to. Because it wasn’t about me anymore.
It hadn’t been about me for a really long time.
By the time the car rolled past the heavy iron gate that blocked the driveway at the end of a secluded dead end, my anxiety was sky high.
Matty hadn’t stopped talking for more than a minute or two ever since Hawke had driven the car onto the ferry that took us from the mainland to Whidbey Island and Hawke had been cool and distant since we’d left the motel this morning.
Luckily, Matty hadn’t noticed his surly attitude, but my frustration had grown more and more every time he answered Matty’s curious questions with blunt, one or two word responses.
“Is Bullet nice?” I heard Matty ask from the back seat.
“Uh-huh,” was all Hawke said back to him.
It wasn’t until the car was parked in front of the huge Tudor style mansion and Hawke and I had both gotten out, that I finally got a chance to lay into the man like I wanted.
As I moved past Hawke to get Matty out of the car, I bit out, “We didn’t ask to be here.
He’s just a kid and he doesn’t deserve you treating him like shit. ”
Hawke grabbed my arm before I could reach for the door handle.
His hold wasn’t gentle, but he wasn’t hurting me either.
Just like the night before, he looked at me like he wanted to say something, but instead, his eyes dropped to where his fingers were pressed against my bare skin.
I was no longer surprised by the current of electricity that passed through me or the way heat began spreading out from the place where his skin touched mine.
But what surprised me was rather than releasing me, Hawke drew me closer to him.
And instead of just gripping my arm, his fingers began rubbing back and forth over my heated skin.
I held my breath as he continued to draw me forward until we were almost touching.
Everything around us ceased to exist as his eyes held mine and I saw the unspoken apology there…
at least, that’s what I thought it was. I saw something else too, but I couldn’t be sure about it either because it seemed too farfetched to be possible.
Longing.
For what, I didn’t know. But he had yet to let me go and I had yet to move away.
It wasn’t until a cold, wet nose pressed against my hand that the spell was broken.
I looked down to see a large German Shepherd sniffing me and then glanced up to see a man standing at the entrance to the house.
His eyes weren’t on me, though. They were on Hawke who hesitated for a moment before releasing me and stepping back.
The dog circled him excitedly several times, but Hawke ignored him and went around the front of the car.
I forced my attention back to getting Matty.
His initial excitement about the dog seemed to have faded once he got a look at the huge animal because he clung to me as I lifted him out of the car.
His legs were wrapped around my waist and his stranglehold on my neck sent a clear message that he wasn’t ready to be put down yet so I carried him around the car.
The dog followed us, but I was glad when he didn’t jump up to try to reach Matty.
“Is he nice, Daddy?” Matty whispered against my ear.
“I think he is, buddy,” I said.
“His name is Bullet.”
I expected the voice to belong to the intimidating man who’d been watching us just moments before, but it actually came from a young man making his way down the entry way stairs towards us.
I saw Hawke and the other man deep in conversation and had to force myself to focus on the younger man.
I guessed him to be close to my own age, maybe a little younger.
He had thick blond hair and a kind face and he immediately held out his hand to me.
“I’m Seth Nichols. ”
“Tate,” I answered and I shook his hand.
“And who’s this?” he asked as his eyes fell on Matty.
Matty’s head was pressed against my shoulder and he turned it so he could see Seth better. “Matthew but my Daddy calls me Matty.”
Seth smiled. “Is it okay if I call you Matty?”
Matty nodded against me. “Is Bullet nice?” he asked timidly.
“Very,” Seth responded. “He knows some tricks. You want to see them?”
Another nod from Matty. As Seth showed Matty the dog’s tricks, I lifted my eyes to watch Hawke as he talked to the other man.
His eyes shifted to me and whatever conversation he was having ceased.
He held my gaze for a moment and then strode into the house.
The other man came down the stairs towards us and I resisted the urge to step back.
He was bigger than Hawke by a couple of inches.
His hair was coal black and his gray eyes were studying me.
Just like Hawke, I couldn’t get a read on him and I automatically tightened my arms around Matty in response.
But as soon as the man’s eyes moved from me to Seth, his entire countenance changed dramatically.
Even before Seth put out his hand, I knew what they were to each other.
“Tate, this is my boyfriend, Ronan. Ronan, this is Tate,” Seth said as he motioned to me. “And this is Matty,” he said with a big smile as he put his hand briefly on one of Matty’s legs.
Ronan nodded at me as he pulled Seth against his side. “Hi, Matty.”
I barely noticed Ronan and Seth talking to Matty because I was lost in the way the two men held onto each other.
My childhood hadn’t exactly given me a lot of opportunities to see how two people in love behaved with one another, but seeing two men being so openly affectionate was overwhelming and a rush of envy went through me.
I’d hidden my sexuality for so long that I’d just assumed it was something other gay men automatically did as well when they were in the presence of other people.
But the two men in front of me weren’t hiding anything…
not from me, not from my son, not from each other .
“Daddy, can we?”
I realized I’d missed Matty’s question entirely when I noticed him and both men watching me expectantly.
“Can we what?”
“Can we take Bullet for a walk?” Matty asked. His voice had started to lose some of its shyness.
“There’s a nice beach down by the water,” Seth explained.
“You sure you’re not too tired?” I asked.
Matty shook his head.
“Okay,” I said.
“Can Hawke come?”
Ronan answered before I could come up with an excuse because I had no doubt the man had no interest in spending any more time with us if he could avoid it.
“Hawke was pretty tired so he went inside to take a nap,” Ronan said. “You sure you don’t want to take one?”
The man’s question had the desired effect because it took Matty’s focus off of Hawke.
“Noooooo,” Matty said with a laugh.
But as I followed Ronan and Seth around the side of the house towards the backyard, I realized that even though Matty wasn’t thinking about Hawke anymore, I couldn’t say the same thing.