Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
THE HEATHEN
Killian removes his pants and boxers before getting into bed beside me and immediately pulling me on top of him. Lifting my head, I stare into his eyes and allow myself to feel everything this man has become to me.
Love.
Dominant, yet protective.
Safe.
The man who nearly took everything from me has turned himself into my safety net. Every touch is calming as he runs his fingers through my hair, his eyes filled with adoration I don’t deserve.
“There’s something wrong with me,” I admit while closing my eyes shut tight.
Flipping us over so I’m on my back, he growls, the sound rumbling from his chest into mine.
“Eyes on me, Killer. We don’t hide from one another.”
Reluctantly, I flutter my eyes open and stare into his dark gaze as my heart races.
“What do you mean there’s something wrong with you?”
I grip his biceps, needing the comfort of him while confessing the truth.
“I was beaten so badly. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to escape it, and now I crave it.”
I laugh bitterly as he continues staring into my eyes with concern.
“The very thing I kill my family for doing to me, I beg you for. How fucked up is that, Killian?”
He presses his hand to my face and stares at me, his eyes watering and filled with emotion.
“I won’t pretend to understand what you went through or the effects it still has on you today. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Jesus baby, you’re fucking perfect.”
Sighing softly, he kisses my forehead.
“I don’t know why you like to be hit, but I do know there’s a vast difference between what they did to you and what I do.
Consent. You know if you speak one word it immediately stops.
When we are together, you are in control.
Some people use pain to deal with trauma.
As long as we give you that safely, there isn’t a problem. ”
He presses a row of kisses along my jaw.
“Don’t question why things feel good, baby. Just take it and let us soothe your pain.”
I run my fingers into the back of his hair and pull him closer.
“Who soothes your pain?”
Placing his palm against the side of my neck, he presses his thumb over my bottom lip.
“You do.”
His breath skates over my lips as he groans softly.
“I’m waiting for you to tell me you’re ready. I want to kiss you, but more than that, I want to be whatever you need. If that means not kissing you, I won’t.”
I dig my nails into the back of his scalp until he groans.
“I have a safe word. If I need it, I’ll use it. Now, can we go back to you not seeking permission? Our dynamic is different. I want you to hurt me—use me. You brought a knife in here for a reason. Show me what you intended to do with it.”
“Fuuuck.” He groans as he wraps his hand around my throat, his eyes, filled with heat, stare into mine, his control visibly snapping away.
When he kisses me, it’s violent. Our teeth clash as he pulls my hair, and I sink my teeth into his bottom lip before he does the same to mine.
“I want to carve my name on your body. Every fucking day I want you to see who you belong to.”
I’ve already decided when I get my tattoos to have their names incorporated, so it’s not a problem for me.
“I want all three of your names on my body. Your name is already etched into my soul. Get the knife and cover his name with yours.”
Killian’s lips turn up into a delicious smirk, my pussy throbs with need in response.
“On your hands and knees, Killer.”
I get into position as he grabs the knife.
“This is going to hurt before I take all the pain away.”
Does he think I’m worried or unsure about this? I’m not.
“I’m not afraid of you cutting my flesh. The intense sting is something I like. It dulls the consistent fucking voices in my head. Physical pain is the antidote to the emotional torment threatening to pull me under and drown me.”
He doesn’t judge me, and that’s one of the things that makes me love him so much. I know he doesn’t understand the things that shaped me into the person I am, but still, he doesn’t question me—even when he probably should.
Killian kneels on the bed behind me and rubs his fingers over the branding with a tenderness laced with possession.
“You are ours. Mine, and my brothers’. I wanted to kill him for ever touching what wasn’t his, but you did it.
My gorgeous killer gave him the worst death imaginable.
It was beautiful because he earned it and you fucking delivered.
I’ve never been more proud of you. Until now.
You are taking the control they robbed you of. ”
He pushes the knife into my flesh and moves it downward as I hiss through the sting.
“How do you feel, baby?”
I exhale a long breath as I allow myself to feel the physical pain.
“Good. So good. Please don’t stop.”
He continues to cut his name over Grave’s and I moan from relief knowing his name will at least be covered a little. When he finishes, he sets the knife on the bed beside me. Leaning down, he swipes tongue over the letters of his name.
“Every fucking part of you is delicious. Your flawless skin. Sweet cunt. Even your blood. My addiction to you is debilitating. I could not function without you.”
“Killian.” I gasp, his words hitting me in the heart. Lifting myself onto my knees, I reach behind my head and cup the back of his neck, holding him close to me.
“Turn around.”
When I do, he takes my arms and places them around his neck. His lips lift into a lopsided smile and my heart races out of control.
Placing his hands on the back of my thighs he lifts me and slams me down onto his cock. I gasp loudly as I lay my head on his shoulder and bite the side of his neck as hard as I can before running my tongue over his flesh.
“Beautiful fucking slut.” He groans as he impales me over and over again.
Moving forward on the bed, he grabs a pillow and tucks it under me as he lays me down on my back.
Pushing my legs back, Killian moves over me and places a hand on either side of my head.
I wrap my arms and legs around his back and hold him close to me as he pushes in and out of my pussy. Dragging my fingers up his sculpted back, he groans, his voice mixing with heavy breaths sounding as blissed out as I feel.
“Fuck, baby. Fuck.”
Moving my hands into his hair I claw at his scalp the way he likes it as he grips my face and stares into my eyes, his gaze full of heat.
“Come for me, you little slut. Strangle my fucking cock with your drenched cunt.”
My eyes roll back from his words alone as he fucks me hard and fast. My breasts bounce with every movement, it’s aggressive and hot. This is how I want to be fucked by Killian.
“Come, my filthy slut.”
His words alone could make me unravel. My body trembles as I call out his name, and he watches me like he doesn’t want to miss a single moment.
“Killian!” I cry as he groans and fills me with his come.
“That’s it, baby. Perfect fucking girl.”
When he pulls me into his arms, I melt against him, not minding that we’re both covered with perspiration.
I know we both need to get up and take a shower but for just a moment, I lay with my head on his chest, feeling his heart beat against my skin.
He kisses the top of my head as he moves his fingers down my back with slow strokes.
Somehow I know, I’m going to be okay. I’ll get through this because my men will be with me, walking hand in hand.
There’s something about each of them that makes the impossible seem possible.