Chapter 26
Chapter
Twenty-Six
A fter a few more days in the hospital Kade was released with the orders to take it easy. He could have done without the fucking reception he got from everyone as he was wheeled to the passenger side of Ram’s truck. He hated using the fucking wheelchair but he was unsteady on his feet, as he was still dealing with some lasting effects from the blow to his head. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he sank into the soft leather seats of Ram’s truck, he was so ready to go the fuck home and relax in his own bed for a change. Being in the hospital was not good for one’s mental health and there had barely been any privacy. He felt absolutely disgusting having only been able to have sponge-baths because they were afraid to have him in the shower. He wanted to soak himself in bleach until he felt better.
“You ready to go home, baby?” Ram asked when he’d hopped in the truck.
“I wanna see Valk,” Kade said and immediately his eyes filled with tears. Ram had told him what had happened and that he’d had no choice but to amputate his leg. Valk hadn’t been able to come to the hospital and he was missing his big boy.
Ram nodded. “He’s at my place. If you’re okay with it we can stay there for a few days. We’ll be closer to Sanem’s cooking,” he taunted.
Kade mustered up a small smile. “Sounds good.” He kind of felt bad, Ram had always come to stay at his place, he’d only been in Ram’s twice and the last was when his mother died. He rolled his eyes at himself, they’d been together for months and he’d never even thought about staying at Ram’s. He understood Ram always came to him to make him more comfortable but from everything he’d heard from Saint, Ram’s little cottage was the shit. The ride was quiet but comfortable as they sat in silence and Kade enjoyed the freedom. He felt a little off in their relationship but didn’t know how to fix it. One of the few things he could really remember was Ram safe wording during sex, not feeling well and burying his brothers. After that things were fuzzy from there.
“We’re here, baby,” Ram said, softly as he parked the truck and turned off the engine.
Kade nodded and slowly slid down to the ground. It took him a few moments before he was stable enough to let go of the seat.
“Here, baby.” Ram easily wrapped an arm around Kade’s waist and helped Kade get to his front door. Thankfully Sanem had come and cleaned the place often while he was at Kade’s so it wasn’t musty. It smelled homey, like the forest and a campfire. He led Kade to the couch as he brought in all the luggage and set it aside before he went to go check on Valk. He’d set up a section of his bedroom for Valk, the giant orthopedic bed was surrounded by an X-pen just in case the big baby got any ideas. As soon as Valk saw him his tail started to wag and he gave him a doggy smile, blinking happily at him. “Hey buddy, you wanna go see Kade?” At his boy’s name Valk hauled himself up and waited patiently for Ram to open the pen before he slowly made his way to the living room.
One second Kade was lost in thought, then the next his arms were full of furry slobber. “Valk.” He tackled his baby to the floor and basically strangled him with how tight he was squeezing his neck. “I’ve missed you, buddy.” He had his face buried in Valk’s neck as they laid on the floor and the tears came fast and hot. Valk just laid there, grumbling happily at having his master love on him. He could have lost Valk and it wasn’t until he had to face time away from him that he realized just how much he relied on him. How much freedom and independence the big baby really gave him in his life
Ram let it go on for a few minutes before he grabbed Kade and hauled him into his lap. His boy was sobbing at this point and would start hyperventilating soon if he didn’t calm him down. He hugged him tight and just let him cry. Saying anything at this point would not be helpful, Kade was processing emotions he had pushed aside for God knows how long and it was taking its toll on him. He needed to remember to call Justice and have the man come and talk to them again. He gently rocked them back and forth as Kade started to calm, his body wracked with gasps as he tried to suck in a deep breath. “Take your time, baby. I’m not going anywhere, we have all the time you need.” He gently calmed Kade, rubbing a firm hand up and down his back. Once Kade was able to get his breathing back to normal, Ram continued to rock him and murmur words of encouragement in his ear. After several minutes he pulled back and gently wiped away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. “Why don’t you hang out with Valk for a little bit while I make us a snack okay?” He continued when Kade nodded. “I’m going to call Justice as well to see if we can get you in for another appointment. He’ll be able to help you work through all the feelings and emotions you have regarding what happened to you. Don’t bottle this up Kade, don’t let it fester. Later tonight I’m going to give you some time to write out your feelings about what’s been going on. You can either share it with me or not, that’s not a requirement. I just want you to be able to start processing what you’re feeling so that way you can start to feel better about yourself.” He’d noticed Kade had reverted to wanting to be covered at all times, shying away from touch more than normal and absolutely refusing to take his shirt off. He knew his boy had some new scars to add to his collection, and while they didn’t bother him in the way Kade thought they did, he knew it was yet another thing Kade had done to him without his consent. He wouldn’t push his boy, but he wanted him to know he loved him no matter what. The comment Devin had made to Kade popped into his mind. “Baby?”
Kade grunted to let him know he was listening.
Ram palmed the back of Kade’s head that rested on his shoulder. “You know that no matter what happened, I will always love you.”
Kade froze.
Bingo. Ram rubbed his back. “I heard what he said to you and he was wrong. I would love you no matter what. I would have killed him had he taken more from you than he did, but I would have loved you through it.”
“You would…?” Kade asked haltingly.
“Yes, baby. I would love you even if you never wanted me to touch you again. I would respect that and still love you. I know the new scars bother you, and I hate that they make you question things again, but I still love you. I hate how you got the scars but I could never hate what is a part of you.” Ram assured him.
Kade took a deep breath. “I was really worried after I was injected with whatever that stuff was. I wanted it…” Kade said the last part softly and Ram could hear the self-loathing in his voice.
“It was an experimental drug that is supposed to enhance your libido. That’s how they get a lot of women for sex trafficking, they inject them and it makes it easier,” Ram said through clenched teeth, he couldn’t wait to get his hands on Devin for that one. Doc and the others were still searching for the other three men and the last he’d heard they were getting close.
“What happened to Devin?” Kade asked.
Ram shrugged. “He’s in an undisclosed location, he was injected with the same stuff and has been left there to suffer. Once you no longer need me twenty-four seven I’ll go pay him a little visit.”
The cold calculating tone Ram used sent chills down his spine. Note to self Daddy is scary as shit when mad. He’d have to remember that . “And the others?”
“Doc is closing in on the other three men from what I’ve heard. As for the woman she’s currently in ICU, they don’t know if she’ll pull through with all the damage that was done.”
Kade winced, he could still hear her screams ringing in his head. “For her sake Batty, I really hope she doesn’t.”
Ram hugged him close, those soft guilt filled words tugging at his heart. “I know, baby.” After a few moments he chuckled. “You still can’t think of a name for me?”
Kade rolled his eyes, he bounced back and forth between Daddy and Batty. “I like both. I could say bro.”
Ram snickered. “That would be incestuous.”
Kade grimaced. “You just had to make it weird.”
Ram threw his head back and laughed. “I’m not the one who started it.”
Kade mocked him quietly before growling and sinking his teeth into Ram’s shoulder.
“Fuck,” Ram breathed, cupping the back of Kade’s head and pushing down. He wanted him to bite harder, and when he did Ram thought for a split second he’d come in his pants.
Kade jerked back. “You’re not going to kill him are you?” While he has no qualms about Devin dying he didn’t know if he wanted Ram to be responsible for it.
It took Ram a few seconds for his brain to catch up with the change in topic.
“Depends on what he has to say,” Ram said, breathlessly.
Kade’s brows furrowed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go see him then.”
Ram cocked his head and studied his boy. “You protecting him?”
“Oh God no,” Kade barked. “I just don’t want you to have to deal with the aftereffects of killing someone. Taking a life is never easy Ram, even if they deserve it. Plus death is too easy for him, he deserves to go to prison. Now the man who injected me is the same man that was at the location where my men died… killing him slowly is what I want.”
Ram quirked a brow. “What about the aftereffects?”
Kade shrugged. “I already deal with a bunch of guilt for things I can’t change, I won’t for him.”
Ram nodded in understanding. “I’ll let you know as soon as he’s found.”
Kade nodded, happy that Ram seemed to understand what he needed. It was kind of wild to think about though, Ram seemed perfectly fine that he wanted to kill someone. He definitely needed to write that down to ask Justice.
Ram was content to just hold Kade for a while, it felt like it had been too long. He understood where Kade was coming from with wanting to kill the man that had taken so much from him. It would be Kade’s retribution, his vengeance for his brothers and he wanted that for him. The fact that they were casually talking about killing someone should worry him and if it was with anyone else it probably would but not with Kade because he understood. He patted Kade’s thigh. “Hang out with Valk for a little while, and I’ll make the appointment and get us some snacks then we can relax for a bit and watch some movies.”
Kade nodded, sliding off Ram’s lap and onto the floor next to Valk.
Ram sent Justice a text and set about putting together a horrendous bowl of whatever sweets he could find, and there were a lot of them thanks to Sanem always sending him home with most of the leftovers. “What are we watching?” he asked as he set everything on the coffee table in front of the couch. His living room was tiny but homey and his giant projected TV screen made up for it.
“A Goofy Movie,” Kade replied, stuffing some chips into his mouth.
“Never seen it,” Ram said, excited to experience another first with Kade. The slow pan of Kade’s disapproving look made him want to laugh.
“Did you live under a rock?” Kade demanded.
Ram did laugh at that. “No, but when I became English, I was more concerned with learning new things than watching TV. It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve actually started to watch some movies.”
“What’s your favorite?”
Ram didn’t even have to think about it. “It’s a tie between The Phantom of The Opera and The Count of Monte Cristo.”
Kade’s brows rose in shock. “A drama fan I see.”
Ram shrugged as he sat down. “What’s yours?”
“Indiana Jones,” Kade said immediately.
Ram snickered. “Why?”
Kade shrugged. “Who didn’t want to be an archeologist when they grew up. I have always found history fascinating, I actually got two degrees while I was in college. One in business and the other in Anthropology and Archeology.”
“Really? I didn’t know that,” Ram stated.
Kade gave him a sheepish grin. “Don’t take it personally I don’t think any of the guys know either, I had just graduated when we were deployed for that last mission, so I never got to put the degree to good use. It wouldn’t be useful now anyway since I can’t see what I’d be working on. And it’s not like I can touch a lot of the artifacts that are found.”
“Maybe not but you can do research, and I know damn well that any museum or whatever would be lucky to have your mind on staff.”
Kade snorted. “It’s a nice thought, maybe if I ever retire one day.”
Ram perked up at that. “Do you have plans to retire?”
Kade shrugged, picking at the food in front of him. “I don’t know.”
Ram hummed in agreement, not bothering to push, Kade would tell him when he was ready. He leaned back on the couch and smiled when Kade used his legs as a pillow when the movie started to play. About halfway through the movie Ram could tell Kade was fading, his boy was having trouble getting back to a regular sleep schedule, it had been fucked up since his cardiac arrest. He knew he should have kept him awake at least a little bit longer but he couldn’t help but give in. Kade was exhausted and the sleep he had been getting was filled with demons and fear. He wanted to provide Kade with a safe space to at least get a little bit of uninterrupted sleep. He left Kade to sleep and just played with his hair as he got lost in the movie. He didn’t understand the young guy’s issue with going on a trip with his father, he would have killed to have a father like that growing up. He didn’t really know how he felt about the movie with all of his conflicting feelings but overall it wasn’t bad. Once the movie ended he turned on Raiders of the Lost Ark. He hadn’t seen any of these movies either, but he’d heard his nephews rave about them many times. He grinned as he imagined Kade going on all the adventures and spouting off facts like it was breathing. He really hoped his boy could find something in this life that brought him joy, because the work he did now didn’t seem to really make him happy. He was content but not happy.
He let Kade sleep through all three movies, before he tried to wake him. “Kade, baby. Wake up.” The growl he got as an answer made him smile. “It’s time for dinner, baby. I’ve let you sleep as long as I could.” The sun was setting casting the farm in a beautiful multi-colored maze of oranges, reds, and pinks. He quickly snapped a picture with his phone in the hopes that he’d be able to describe it to Kade one day. “What do you want for dinner?”
“Sanem cooking?” Kade asked, sleepily thunking his head onto Ram’s chest.
Ram chuckled. “Of course she is. You wanna go up there for dinner?”
Kade smacked his lips. “Yeah.”
“Alright, why don’t we hop in the shower and then we’ll head up there.” It wasn’t that his boy stunk, it was more of the antiseptic smell he was growing tired of, he also knew Kade would feel so much better once he was clean.
“‘Kay,” Kade mumbled and shuffled to the bathroom.
Ram followed slowly, waiting for it to hit Kade. He didn’t want to get him naked and into the shower just for him to freak out. “I’ve got to take your clothes off okay?” he asked clearly.
Kade nodded through his yawn. “It’s okay. While I’m not thrilled you’ll be seeing new scars, I believe what you told me earlier.”
Warmth spread through Ram’s chest. He fucking loved this man. He kissed Kade’s forehead. “Thank you, baby.” He helped Kade strip and step into the warm spray before he tossed off his own clothes and joined him. He immediately went for the shampoo and washed Kade’s hair twice, just to get out all the build up and to give it that shine again. Then he went to his body, making sure to gently but thoroughly scrub every inch.
Kade jerked and laughed when Ram grabbed his foot and started to scrub between his toes. “Jesus, my feet are clean.”
“Not clean enough to eat off of.” Was Ram’s only reply.
Kade paused and cocked his head. “Do you have a foot fetish I don’t know about?”
Ram let out a supremely put upon sigh. “Why, yes, Kade. I fondle them in your sleep.”
Kade snorted. “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”
Ram laughed. “Yes I’m kidding. You don’t have to worry, feet kind of freak me out a little.”
Kade giggled at Ram’s tone. “Good to know, because even though I’m blind I would never let you fuck with my feet.”
Ram laughed. “Good to know.” He finished up scrubbing him down and urged him back under the spray while he quickly washed his own body.
“Do you know what Sanem is making for dinner?” Kade asked as he got out and started to dry himself off.
“From what I heard earlier I believe she’s making home made fried chicken, with mashed potatoes and gravy.” Ram snickered as Kade’s stomach loudly voiced its pleasure at hearing that.
Once Kade was dressed and ready to go Ram led them to the farm’s front door. “Hey bud.” He greeted Valk and Sheriff who had come to see who was there. He smiled as Kade greeted his baby and then showered Sheriff with attention, asking him if he was being a good boy and taking care of Levi.
“Hey, Kade, how’s it going?” Levi asked as he rolled up.
“It’s going okay, how’re you?” Kade reached out blindly to touch Levi’s shoulder.
“I’m hanging in there.” He studied Kade for a moment before he met Ram’s eyes.
Ram nodded, letting Levi know he had Kade and would be there for him.
“Kade!” Saint screeched.
Kade winced. “I better go see what he needs before he makes a scene.” Kade rolled his eyes, making them laugh. He wandered over to Saint, Torres, and Doc and was pulled into a conversation.
“How is he really?” Levi asked, softly.
“He’s getting there. We have Justice coming out tomorrow to have an appointment. Other than the nightmares he doesn’t seem to be having any effects from what happened.” Ram furrowed his brows.
“But you’re afraid he’s just masking things.” Levi nodded in understanding.
Ram shrugged. “I think unconsciously he’s trying to, he’s worried I’m going to leave him.”
Levi nodded in thought. “He’s always been that way, I mean with everything he’s been through it’s not uncommon to feel that way. We just have to prove to him we’re not going anywhere, eventually he’ll get the memo.
Ram chuckled. “We can always hope. How are things going with Sheriff?”
Levi nodded as he smiled at his furry friend. “It’s been going good. At first I thought it would be hard, but he’s been patient with me. He’s a good boy and I can’t ever thank you enough for what you’ve done for me. It wasn’t easy at first when I first lost my legs. The place they sent me was a shit hole, but thanks to you and your family I know there’s more to live for.”
Ram grinned down at the younger man. Levi was a cutie with his wavy black hair and ocean eyes; he'd even seen his brother looking at the man when he thought no one would notice. “I’m glad things are working out for you, and I know I can speak for everyone here. We’re happy to have you with us.”
Levi smiled even as his cheeks heated. “Thank you, that means a lot.”
Ram nodded. “Just let me know if you ever need anything okay? I can take you out with Sheriff once you get your prosthetics and teach you both how to walk again.”
Levi breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, I’ll definitely take you up on that offer. I was getting a little worried about how I was going to keep from falling all over him. I don’t want to hurt him.” Levi sent a panicked look towards Sheriff.
The fact that the man was more worried about his furry companion told Ram all he needed to know. “Don’t worry I’ll wait until you’re pretty stable walking on your own before I bring him into the mix and then we’ll go slow to get you both used to the process,” Ram assured him.
“Okay good. Thank you, Ram.”
Ram patted Levi on the shoulder as he joined the others in the living room. He tipped his head at Doc asking if he had time to talk.
Doc met Ram on the back porch. “What’s up?”
Ram rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to run something by you to see if I royally fucked up or not.”
“Oh boy. What did you do?” Doc asked through a sigh.
“I found Carnage and Savage, and met them before Kade got out of the hospital.” Ram blurted out.
Doc’s eyes widened. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he demanded.
“So, I have a friend who is really good at finding people,” Ram said, shrugging.
Doc made a ‘continue’ motion. “And how did he find them?”
“He has connections on the streets, you guys went about a more traditional way to find people whereas he is more underground type shit. He found them at a halfway house.” Ram folded his arms over his chest and looked out at one of the pastures.
“What!” Doc exclaimed, smacking Ram on the shoulder. “Have you told Kade?”
Ram shook his head. “No and I’m not going to right now. I wanted to meet them first to see how they would react to me knowing Kade.” He sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “From what I hear from my friend they seem a little lost, but decent people. He couldn’t really get a read on Carnage, he doesn’t seem like he can talk very much.”
Doc cocked his head. “What do you mean?”
Ram pursed his lips as he thought about how to say what he was thinking. “I don’t know if it’s due to an injury or what but he speaks like he doesn’t know English very well. He speaks in one word sentences and his voice is deep, think Sam Elliot deep.”
Doc whistled. “That’s deep.”
Ram nodded. “Yeah it is, Savage seemed fine, but I could tell he was hurting. Losing Siren will slowly eat at him until there’s nothing left.” As he spoke his eyes sought out his own brother. He knew he’d feel the same way if he lost Bram. “He did most of the talking but Carnage seemed interested about Kade.” He cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. “I may have called Kade and let them listen to the conversation so they would know I wasn’t lying.”
Doc smacked him several times in the shoulders and the back of the head. “Are you insane man, what the fuck!” he shouted in a whisper.
Ram rolled his eyes. “I know, I know, I’m the worst,” he grumbled, pushing Doc away when he went to bat him in the head again. “I just don’t want Kade to get hurt. He’s been through enough, he doesn’t need anymore hits to his heart. I swore I would keep it safe no matter what and that’s what I intend to do.”
Doc nodded. “I knew I liked you.”
Ram snorted. “I’m a likable guy.”
Doc hummed. “Yes, likable like a dingleberry.” He bent over at the waist and laughed as Ram sputtered in shock. It took several moments before he was able to pull himself together. He cleared his throat. “Are you going to meet them again?”
Ram sucked in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I don’t know, I gave them my number, but I’m not sure if they even have a phone. Savage seemed excited when he found out I am a veterinarian.”
“If he’s anything like Kade he’ll be a softy when it comes to animals.” Doc assured him.
Ram nodded. “If they do call back I’m going to see if he would like a job helping me with raising the puppies. Now that I’m with Kade most of my attention needs to be on him and his wellbeing right now, but that leaves Owen, the breeder and trainer, by himself with up to thirty puppies at a time.”
“I was actually going to ask you about that. My parents have finally retired in the past year and now all they talk about is how they’re bored. I was going to ask you if they could volunteer to help with the puppies. I know my dad will be pleased as peach to help Owen clean and do repairs and my mom would love to play with the puppies.” Doc showed him a picture of a cute older couple snuggled up to each other and beaming at the camera.
“Do you think they’d be interested in fostering?” Ram asked as he smiled at the picture and pulled up the notes app on his phone so he could remember everything to tell Owen later on.
“My mom would love that, I just didn’t know if they needed to have experience or not,” Doc told him.
Ram shook his head. “No, what we do is we have like a little training class for our new fosters. They basically become service dog puppy raisers is what they’re called. We teach them what they need to do every day for the puppy, we give them the food and all the equipment they’ll need. We also cover the vet costs and food things like that. They would just have to follow the rules on what can and can’t be given to the pup. Like no human food, they need to sleep in their crates, they have a certain amount of hours they have to do training a day and we have weekly classes at Owen’s to make sure everyone is up to date on what needs to be done.”
Doc nodded as he spoke, making notes of his own to talk to his parents about. He thought they’d really enjoy doing something like this and he couldn’t wait to see his mom’s face when he told her. “I’ll talk with them to make sure they have the time and are willing to do this, thanks Ram.”
Ram nodded and handed Doc one of his cards. “No problem. I did want to talk to you about something else.”
Doc leaned back against the porch railing and eyed Ram suspiciously. “What?”
Ram snickered. “I want to know when y’all find the man that injected Kade with that concoction.”
Doc’s brows furrowed. “Why, you wanna kill him?”
Ram just raised a brow until Doc snorted.
“Right, stupid question.”
Ram nodded. “Yeah it was, and while yes I would love to kill him, that’s the man that killed Kade’s men. Kade needs to put this thing to rest, not only for their families but for himself. Even though he’s brought them home he is still wracked with so much guilt I don’t even know how he gets out of bed most mornings.”
Doc stood straighter. “I promise Ram, I’ll let you know when he’s found. Drax and Digger are out right now checking a lead, and I just got back from running one down. We’re close, I know that for sure, now we just have to wait for the rat to come to the surface.”
“Don’t wait, smoke him out if needed, but I want him alive if possible. Kade needs to get his vengeance so he can finally put them to rest and start living for himself. I know that’s exactly what they would have wanted for him. I want to see my boy happy for a change, and not just that fleeting happiness that comes every so often. I want to see a smile on his face all the time, I want him to be able to enjoy his time with y’all and not wonder what would become of him if y’all met the same fate and he couldn’t stop it. The guilt he feels is slowly killing him, Doc, and I’m tired of seeing him fight that battle alone. It’s time for us to pick up some of that load and not let him push us away.”