Benson #3
“Oh come on, they’re here to try and mate you,” I defended, gesturing to the prospects. “Like they wouldn’t have figured it out? Anyone who pays any attention would have noticed.”
“Like you do?” Thorn challenged, crossing his arms over his chest and staring me down.
I raised an eyebrow at him and my dragon got annoyed even.
“The queen doesn’t like hot coffee like you kept trying to fix for her as pathetic peace offerings for whatever happened.
She likes espresso drinks and the extra shots to be frozen into cubes so as she drinks it, it gets stronger instead of the shock of super strong coffee to start.
“She likes high protein breakfasts and actually prefers her lattes with protein shakes. Carbs and fruit as her morning snack, and then a big lunch after training, while she prefers lighter dinners. She prefers sweet snacks over salty unless upset and then she likes salty, crunchy snacks. She also prefers to rotate her dinners between chicken, red meat, and fish. She—”
“Okay, stalker,” Myriam cut in, not hiding her shock.
“Forgive me, but I know the same about Princess Treena,” Davian cut in. “Most of our staff does.”
I shot him a grateful look but then did a double take when I saw the surprise on Sagan’s face. “I was in all of the briefings about your school life, Your Majesty. I visited you there several times to check on the private security protecting you there and the schools’ systems. I saw a lot.”
“What else?” she asked, searching my face for… Something.
“Honestly?” I hedged, waiting until she nodded.
“You need to assign one cleaning staff for your suite. You hate your space being invaded, and the reason you can’t decorate or get comfortable is because it doesn’t feel like yours and too many people are in and out of there.
I even heard some talking about it being a hodgepodge of stuff from other rooms.
“That will irk you and you won’t settle.
You loved that no one knew anything about your rooms or apartments at school and even handled the cleaning yourself mostly.
You want to assign someone to be your personal assistant to handle things like that, but you don’t want to upset Raquel or Myriam like they’re not doing enough for you.
“You’re also annoyed that no one is making your training and physical health a priority when you need that for your mental health.
Also, you just really enjoy training and working out.
You’ve wanted to suggest some of these update meetings are done while on runs or even sparring, but that wasn’t what your father did, so you worry how people will react.
“That’s also why you won’t lock in on setting up a study of your own because people were whispering that it’s weird you don’t take the main study meant for the leader, especially after you had a different suite updated.
But your father’s study isn’t even what you’d want because there’s not enough light.
You need sunlight like others need air and—”
“You’ve made your point,” she whispered as she pushed to stand. “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”
No, she didn’t.
And I was rushing after her before anyone could think to stop me. I cornered her down the other hallway when we were alone. “What did I do wrong? Why are you—”
“That was not all about being head of my security,” she rasped and then pushed past me.
No, no, it wasn’t, I admitted to myself even if I wouldn’t ever have told her or anyone else that. I sighed and walked back to the meeting, mentally wincing at the range of looks and opinions people clearly had for me.
Raquel cleared her throat. “Any more of the queen’s specific food preferences would be helpful. Belinda’s stopped—it didn’t include things like coffee since she worked with the queen when she was younger. Only her observations since she’s arrived here.
“Also, I will select three candidates for the queen to pick to have as a personal assistant to help as you said. And figure out which she would like for—”
“She won’t want to make the choice who cleans her suite,” I mumbled. “Whoever keeps their mouth shut best. That’s who she’ll want. The introvert who won’t force conversation and doesn’t gossip. That’s who she needs in her space.”
She gave me a weird look but then nodded. “I have just the person.”
Sagan came back and acted like nothing happened. She listened to the updates from Dray and everything else before wishing us all a good afternoon and going to leave.
“Can we continue our conversation, Your Majesty?” I asked when I caught her.
“Later,” she muttered, rubbing her head. “I need a little less you in my life right now, but you’re right that I need to tell you more if you’re to do your job.” She gave me a worried look that cut me deep. “Don’t make me regret it.”
I stood there frozen, hating that she was hurt when I cared for her so much but honestly at a loss as to why she was hurt. What had I done wrong? I cared enough to notice who she was.
“The confusion coming off of you is pissing me off, so let’s chat,” Myriam grumbled as she waved me to follow.
I did simply because I was sure she had the answers. I winced when Velle and Princess Treena joined us.
Still, I wanted the answers.
“She loved you,” Treena bit out. “Totally and completely, and you made her feel like it was all in her head and one-sided. It clearly wasn’t and you care for her more than you should in your role.
So you were the one person who saw her—noticed her in this fucked-up family she suffered through and you couldn’t let her have that. ”
Myriam adjusted her neck. “You basically declared to everyone in there that you love her, but not enough to risk what you have to be with her. That you won’t give her what she deserves and think what she’s going through is all she gets.”
“That’s not remotely what I’ve said or think,” I defended.
“And she didn’t hear me that day when—I fucked up, but I also see the reality of our lives.
You didn’t know her father, okay? He would have put me in the ground before he ever let his heir date someone like me.
He would have—I don’t know, but no matter our feelings—my feelings, I won’t ruin her life. ”
“No, just her heart,” Treena said, shaking her head. “And she will always suffer with you here because of whatever happened when you were kids. You’re selfish, Benson. You’re too selfish to deserve her. Back then and now.”
“It’s not selfish knowing I can protect her better than anyone and care so much that I will,” I bit out.
Myriam looked at me almost with pity. “What’s the point of keeping her physically alive when you make her soul wither?”
I had no answer for that, so I left, telling myself they weren’t being fair and didn’t see the whole picture as it was. I knew I handled it badly, and if I could change that I would, but… They were wrong.
Weren’t they?