Chapter 5 Sebastian
CHAPTER FIVE
SEBASTIAN
Present Day
However, the way she zoomed away from me suggested it was in fact an e-bike.
I rubbed my nape. “That went well.”
The truth was if the lady didn’t want to speak to me, I should back off.
Yet, I needed to explain myself. Just once. And if Lily decided she still didn’t want to talk to me after that, then I would respect her wishes.
How the hell would I get her to stand still with me long enough to hear what I had to say, though?
I suddenly remembered she’d been signing something on the notice board in the main entrance of the psychology building.
Curious, I marched back inside. I looked over the posts pinned to the board until I found her name written on a sign-up form for a social psych experiment.
Grad students were looking for volunteers for an experiment they were doing in groups.
Lily had signed up for the one taking place next Saturday.
Perfect.
She was going to kill me.
But hopefully, I’d get a chance to apologize first.
I called out to a girl passing by. “Excuse me.”
The girl turned, eyeing me, her mouth curling into a smile. “Yes?”
“You wouldn’t happen to have a pen on you, would you?”
“Sure.” She rummaged in her bag and then strode over, holding out the pen. “Here you go.”
“Lifesaver.” I took it and signed my name under Lily’s. “Thanks.”
The girl took the pen back. “I’m Lindsay.”
“Sebastian.”
“Do you fancy grabbing a coffee, Sebastian?”
I considered it. I did like a woman who was bold enough to ask a bloke out and I had time until my next class.
And it would give me an excuse to put off returning my mother’s call from this morning.
It would also distract me from my agitation.
An agitation that had grown exponentially since returning to uni to a sullen, unforgiving Lily. “I’d love a coffee.”
Last Semester
Guilt and anticipation mingled as I strode up the library steps.
This whole situation had gotten out of hand.
I promised myself this was the last time.
Then I saw Lily sitting near the entrance, chewing on the end of her tablet pen as she studied something on the screen.
If she were anyone else, I’d have already slept with her.
In fact, the first time I saw her, I was pretty sure that’s where our interaction would end up.
But six fake tutorial sessions and several weeks later and …
I liked her. A lot. So much I couldn’t sleep with her because it would make things awkward and weird between us and I realized I didn’t want that.
I’d quite like to keep Lily in my life. Plus, I knew from her podcast that Lily didn’t do casual sex.
That, unfortunately, was all I could give her. That or friendship.
So, friendship it was.
As if sensing me, Lily looked up, and her lush mouth widened into a gorgeous smile. Those dimples. Bloody hell, those dimples did something to me. She stood, tugging down her sweater self-consciously. “Hi.”
“Hey.” I studied her stunning face and felt the words, the truth dancing on my tongue. I should tell her now.
“Ready for more human personality tutoring?” she teased.
I smiled. “If you feel it’s still necessary.”
Lily laughed and gestured for me to follow her.
I did, my eyes dropping to her arse with a mind of their own.
Her narrow waist sloped dramatically into her curvy hips and round bottom.
She had the kind of body I didn’t think existed outside of sexist cartoons.
The alarming thing was, Lily was not only completely unaware of how beautiful and sexy she was …
she clearly had confidence issues. She was forever fidgeting with her clothes or glancing away shyly when she revealed something personal.
I’d known this from listening to her on her podcast. But the skeptical bastard I was, I’d thought it was a schtick, the whole shy, reserved girl dating from an introvert’s perspective.
I thought it was to help sell the podcast. Especially when I saw her in real life because surely a girl that stunning knew she was that stunning.
But it wasn’t a schtick.
Lily Sawyer had no idea how fucking gorgeous and likable she was.
She was everything she’d seemed on the podcast and more. Funny, kind, insightful, smart. “I’ve been listening to your podcast,” I blurted out. Immediately, I wanted to pull the words back in.
It was one thing to try to dig myself out of a hole I’d made but another to perpetuate a lie. It was bordering into manipulative.
Damn it.
Lily wasn’t leading me to the study room. She led me down some aisles of books instead. She glanced over her shoulder in surprise. “Really? You listened? Also, I need to grab a book for my Thinking and Reasoning paper.”
I nodded, continuing to follow her, lowering my voice as we entered a quieter area of the library.
“I listened to the episode when you talked to Carly. The young woman grieving her boyfriend.” Carly’s boyfriend had died of cancer, and they’d been together since they were thirteen years old.
Truthfully, I’d listened to the episode weeks ago.
It was my motivation for seeking out Lily.
Carly had called into the podcast to explain how her boyfriend had been gone for two years, and she still couldn’t bring herself to date.
That she’d tried, gone out with a bloke a friend set her up with, and had thrown up as soon as she’d returned home.
Lily had been so compassionate while she gently suggested the girl start counseling.
But she’d also advised her not to be pressured by family and friends into doing anything she wasn’t emotionally ready for.
She explained grief was not linear and it wasn’t a one-size-fits-all.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Lily after that episode and I didn’t understand why. I only knew that I had to know her.
“You were incredibly kind to her.”
Lily stopped at a shelf, her expression sincere. “That was a difficult one. But I heard from Carly last week. She’s been speaking to a counselor, and she thinks it’s helping.”
“That’s amazing. You’re amazing.” Guilt swamped me.
I was a shithead. Truly. Because secretly, I was Elijah, a current host on Potterrow Blokes, a rival podcast started by Olly because he was pissed at Lily’s friend and cohost Sierra for dumping him.
The podcast seemed like a joke at first. Olly started it with Harry, one of my roommates.
They’d invited me onto it, and I’d done it for a laugh, faking an American accent so no one would know it was me.
No one knew it was Harry and Olly either.
But I soon discovered Olly started it as some kind of lighthearted vendetta against Sierra, and that didn’t sit right with me. Especially as I began to suspect that Lily’s podcast meant a hell of a lot to her and it actually did some good.
I’d wanted to find out for myself.
Of course, to do that I signed up for a (fake) tutorial session with her. As one does. Note the sarcasm. I am very much aware that one does not in fact fake signing up for tutorial sessions for a degree I’m not even working toward.
I was not a psychology student.
My degree was in civil engineering.
Truthfully, I hadn’t thought much beyond assuaging this intense curiosity about Lily. I hadn’t expected to like her so much that I’d want to be her friend in a more permanent way.
Something that would soon be impossible if I didn’t get up the nerve to tell her the truth.
“What made you want to do the podcast?”
Lily grabbed the book she needed and then leaned against the bookcase. She shrugged. “Me and my roommate and our friend Sierra run it. Beth—you met her that first session—she started it when she studied here.”
“You didn’t start it?”
Her pretty hazel eyes searched my face. They really were the most extraordinary color.
Golden mossy. “Beth did. Then she invited me on in my first year. I took it over when she graduated the following year. At first, I wanted to push myself. I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m kind of an introvert and not the most confident person. ”
“Why? You’re smart and gorgeous.”
She swallowed hard, her gaze dropping to my mouth.
Bloody hell.
“Thanks,” she muttered, seeming to have to wrench her attention off my lips.
Be her friend, be her friend, be her friend. Only her friend.
I cleared my throat against the heat building low in my gut. “You were saying?”
“Right. Aye, at first I was challenging myself. Then …” Lily shrugged sheepishly.
“I realized how much I got out of helping people. I never realized how curious I was about what made people the way they were and how it was possible to help them onto a path that could alleviate certain emotional and mental health issues by understanding what was causing them in the first place. I switched my major from English lit to psychology after only a few weeks on the podcast. And I’ve applied to Edinburgh for my postgrad to become a psychotherapist.”
Wow. She was really in it for life. This wasn’t some college pastime for her. “It means a lot to you? The podcast?”
“Aye, it does. It’s not … I’m not trying to be famous. In fact, I never wanted any part of that. I …” She lowered her eyes and shrugged. “It might be difficult for someone like you to understand.”
I frowned, leaning into the shelving so our bodies were almost touching. “Someone like me?”