Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
SEBASTIAN
During a slow moment in the football match the lads and I were watching on TV, I glanced at my phone again to see if Lily had texted to say she was on her way. It felt like forever since I’d seen her.
Harry nudged me. “What’s going on?”
I frowned at him. He was lounged next to me on our large sectional, a can of cold beer in hand. Zac was sprawled at the other end of the sofa, sipping on his beer, eyes on the Caley United game.
“Nothing’s going on.”
“You keep looking at your phone.”
“Lily’s coming over. I was checking if she’d texted.”
“You didn’t say Lily was coming.” Harry scowled. “Thought this was a lads’ evening in.”
Considering we lived together and saw each other every day, I wouldn’t be guilted about inviting Lily. “No one said that. I haven’t seen Lily in ages.”
“Since you became friends with that girl, you have become the shittiest wingman ever,” Zac opined, eyes still on the screen. “And I have a suspicion you haven’t gotten laid since.”
Harry grimaced. “I don’t get it. Why are you spending time with this girl if you’re not getting anything from her? She’s a little fuller”—he gestured with his hands—“than my usual taste, but those curves are nicely compacted. Any bloke with a working dick would hit that.”
Zac groaned under his breath.
Probably because he could tell I was seconds from punching my best mate in the face. “You talk about Lily like that again, and you and I will have problems, Harry. Real fucking problems.”
Harry blanched. “We talk about girls like that all the time.”
“No, you talk about girls like that all the time. I just haven’t called you on your bullshit until now. Lily is my friend. You don’t disrespect my friends. You hear me?” I seethed.
Raising his palms defensively, Harry nodded. “You’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry. I like Lily. You know I do. I just … I don’t get it. Why aren’t you dating her? You’re not sleeping with other girls, so you might as well be in a committed relationship.”
“We’re just friends.” I scrubbed a hand over my face as I looked back at the game. “I think my mum pushing all these girls on me has messed with my head. I’m afraid if I even try to go home with someone, it’ll turn out she was sent by my mother.”
“That’s disturbing,” Zac offered.
“I know.”
Harry clamped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I get it. Why don’t I do some reconnaissance on some luscious ladies so you can get laid?”
I shot him a look. “Harry, mate, I love you like a brother. But you are not setting me up with a woman like a pimp.”
Zac snorted on a swallow of beer and started coughing.
Harry grinned. “Shit. Sorry. Didn’t mean for it to come off weird. I was thinking—”
“Keen’s got the ball!” Zac rasped out, throwing an arm toward the TV.
With that we were dragged back into a game that suddenly got exciting.
Before moving to Edinburgh, none of us had been into Scottish teams because we supported English teams. I’d been a Merseyside FC supporter my whole life.
I’d indoctrinated Harry and Zac into my love of the club.
However, when we’d moved to Edinburgh, we started following the Scottish Professional League and had become firm fans of Caledonia United.
They were the underdogs, always third behind the two largest Glasgow teams, but with Callan Keen, the country’s top midfielder, in their ranks, Caley had become a force to be reckoned with.
So engrossed in the game, I didn’t hear the knock at the door or the door opening.
“I just had dinner with him,” a familiar female voice announced behind Zac.
We turned to find Lily standing between the couch and the kitchen, gesturing to the TV. She gave me a smile. At the sight of her, of those dimples, I ignored the flutter in my chest.
“You had dinner with who?” Zac asked, grinning up at her.
“Callan. He’s dating my cousin Beth.”
Harry and Zac erupted into a million questions. Lily laughed, surprised by their excitement. I literally cut through them by getting up to cross the room to her. Reaching for her, I took her by the upper arms, bending my head so our faces were inches apart.
“My darling Lily, are you telling me you know Callan ‘the Flash’ Keen?”
Her full lips trembled with laughter at my intensity. “I do.”
“You had dinner with the man?”
“Him and Baird McMillan. They came to Beth’s parents’ Sunday dinner.”
Harry and Zac exploded into renewed excitement behind me and Lily shook with laughter.
“What will it take to be invited to one of these Sunday dinners in which people you know entertain Caley United heroes?”
Her grin got wider. “You’re fangirling!”
“Uh, yes.” I gave her a gentle shake. “He’s Callan Keen.”
“Oh. My. Goodness.”
“My darling Lily.” I pulled her into my arms, squeezing her tight and comically stroking the top of her hair. “I’ll do anything. Do you need a kidney? I have two.”
I could feel her laughter thrumming through my chest.
“A foot rub for life? Because I could get over my aversion to feet for you.”
“I have nice feet,” she mumbled against my chest, still laughing.
“Back massage? Every day for six months.”
“I think that’s more of a treat for you, Bas,” Zac cracked.
Lily snorted and shoved me away. “In all this time I haven’t seen you watch a game or even talk about football.”
Harry huffed. “How is that possible? Bastian was on course to be a professional football player.”
My gut tightened and I cut Harry a dirty look.
“No way.” Lily gaped at me as if she’d never seen me before.
“Yes, bloody way. Sebastian played forward on a team at our boarding school and while he was on the team, they slaughtered all the others. He was scouted at sixteen but …” Harry suddenly stopped talking, his expression tightening as he realized the subject he’d almost stumbled onto.
“But?” Lily queried, eyes wide at this new information.
“But nothing.” I shrugged nonchalantly. “I didn’t want to play professionally. Now, let’s order some food. I’m starving.”
Everyone, thankfully, let it go, and we watched the rest of the game while we waited for our food to arrive. Zac and Harry pestered Lily with more questions about Callan and Baird, and Harry googled Beth and Callan.
“Jesus. Fuck me. Keen is a lucky bastard.” Harry gaped at his phone. “Lily, your cousin is a prime piece. I’d give my left nut to hit that.”
He was rewarded with a smack across the head from Lily.
“Ow.” Harry rubbed at the spot. “I’m only saying she’s a gorgeous girl, for fuck’s sake.”
“Women aren’t pieces, Harry.” Lily glared at him over the top of a forkful of red Thai chicken. “We’re not walking holes for your cocks to ‘hit’ like they’re targets.”
I almost choked on a bite of food.
Harry wrinkled his nose. “Well, when you say it like that, it sounds disgusting.”
“See, to my ears what you said sounds equally disgusting.”
My friend’s brow furrowed as he sincerely seemed to contemplate that. He stared at Lily like he’d never seen her before. “I’m going to take this on board,” he assured her.
Lily visibly fought a smile. “I’m glad.”
“Hey, so, Lil.” Zac nudged her. He was sitting on her other side. “I downloaded that album you recommended. That band. White Lies.”
“Oh aye, did you like them?”
I frowned, because since when did Lily and Zac share music recommendations?
“Really good. Any more recs?”
“We Are Scientists. Album: With Love and Squalor.”
“Noted. Thanks.”
I nudged her now. “Would I like them?”
She turned to me, considering. “Actually, yeah. We Are Scientists more so than White Lies.”
“I’ll check them out too.”
The four of us ate and chatted and I was grateful that the lads were welcoming to Lily and didn’t bring up what they’d brought up earlier. About our friendship. About my monk-like existence since Lily and I had become close.
Afterward, needing her to myself for a bit, I asked if she wanted to go for a walk.
It was a dry but chilly November evening.
We couldn’t see much of the stars in the middle of the city, but the moon was shining bright, illuminating our way as we walked down South Bridge together.
Buses and cabs passed us, as did pub goers and diners, while we strolled quietly.
Sometimes that’s what I loved most about Lily.
She never felt like she had to fill the silence.
At least not with me. She’d told me she was different on dates.
That silence made her panic. That she worried her date would find her boring.
I told her if he did, then he was a clueless arsehole and not worth her time.
The thought of her on a date, as always, twisted me up inside.
“So … you were very weird when Harry brought up your school football career.”
Now my gut clenched. “Lil—”
“And Harry looked panicked before he abruptly stopped talking about it. Did something happen at school with your football team?”
She was too bloody perceptive for her own good.
Lawrence’s face flashed before my mind and that awful ache he inspired scored across my chest like the blade of a knife.
I never talked about him.
Harry knew because he’d been there. Zac knew nothing. Everyone we’d gone to school with remembered. My parents knew. Lawrence’s parents knew and loathed me. Loathed me and all the lads on the team.
“Sebastian.” Lily’s hand curled around mine. “You can talk to me.”
“I know.” The words were hoarse. “It’s not something I particularly enjoy dredging up.”
“You don’t have to,” she assured me.
I looked down at her beautiful, upturned face. Those eyes so full of compassion and care. Perhaps the masochist in me wanted to push, to prod, to see if Lily Sawyer really was the most nonjudgmental person I knew.
Maybe it was self-sabotage that prompted me to tell her.
“I killed a boy at school.”
Instead of dropping my hand, Lily’s hold on me grew bruising. “Excuse me?” she breathed, the color leaching from her cheeks.