Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
LILY
As I walked out of my last exam yesterday, I’d felt lighter than I’d felt in a long time.
It was only temporary, of course, but it was the start of winter vacation for me.
Three whole weeks off and I planned to spend it at my parents’ house.
Sierra had already left for the US because her last exam had been three days before mine.
Maddie was leaving for Newcastle tomorrow.
I would depart tomorrow too, along with the rest of our new group of friends.
I had a pep in my step as we filed into the posh bar on George Street.
Maddie and I couldn’t really afford to buy drinks in New Town, but Shaun, Harry, Zac, and Sebastian were adamant the drinks were on them.
We argued because we liked to pay our own way, but they insisted it was a Christmas present. Which was kind of sweet.
Things had been a wee bit off between Sebastian and me for the last few weeks, so I allowed it this once.
Ever since I stumbled upon him flirting with that blond, it had hit home for me how much I was currently endangering my heart.
Like, really hit home. I was in a foul, depressed mood for days after it, driving myself crazy with wondering if he’d taken her up on her invitation.
It was then I knew I had to do something about this situation.
Slowly, but surely, I needed to create a bit of distance between us.
Unfortunately, Sebastian didn’t make it easy.
He was used to us texting constantly and seeing each other every other day.
I made the excuse that exams were keeping me busy and I knew it confused him because up until that point, we’d studied together.
I told him I needed some solo studying because I felt like my first exam hadn’t gone well.
It was a lie, but a necessary one. He accepted it, but that didn’t stop him from checking in all the time, and it would be rude and hurtful to ignore him.
I missed him.
Which proved how necessary some distance was.
Harry grabbed us a large high-backed velvet booth we could all fit in. We shrugged out of our coats and scarves.
Zac suddenly whistled.
I looked up as I laid my coat over the back of the booth and to my shock found him gazing at me open-mouthed. My cheeks heated. Zac grinned goofily. “Sorry, Lil, but … you look hot.”
Sebastian scowled and smacked him lightly across the back of the head. “Watch it.”
“It’s fine.” Honestly, the compliment was bolstering. “Thanks, Zac.”
This time I felt Sebastian’s frown turn my way, but I ignored him and made sure I was sitting between Zac and Maddie in the booth. Sebastian was stuck on a chair opposite and I could feel him watching me.
Maddie and I always dressed up for our last night of term. My friend was in a tight-fitting, red-sequined, long-sleeve dress and platform Mary Janes. I’d taken a break from studying last weekend to go shopping with January and she’d convinced me to buy the velvet green minidress I currently wore.
“Your legs are amazing from biking it everywhere. You should show them off more often,” Jan had insisted.
The dress came to mid-thigh and the velvet was shot through with subtle glitter, so it sparkled under the lights.
It wasn’t just my legs it flashed, though.
It had a flattering sleeveless square neckline and spaghetti straps.
Earlier, Maddie had taken one look at me and pretended to fan herself as she declared, “Your tits look phenomenal.”
I’d left my hair down and styled it into soft waves and paired the dress with green velvet low-heeled boots January had spotted in the same store. The dress made me feel good, and I think I needed to feel good about myself in a “single woman” kind of way.
Harry insisted on buying the first round, and Sebastian got up to help him order.
“Sorry if I was rude.” Zac leaned into me. “I should have said you look beautiful.”
I smiled at his sheepishness. “It’s fine. Thank you.”
“Are you glad exams are over?”
“Unbelievably glad. Are you heading home tomorrow?”
“I’m heading to LA. My mother is in the middle of shooting a movie at one of the studios.” He curled his lip in an uncharacteristic sneer. “I’m unlikely to see much of her at all, so I told her I could go home with Harry for Christmas, but she said it would look bad to the public.”
Oof. That’s horrible. I rested a hand on his forearm. “I’m sorry.”
He gave me a warm smile. “Don’t be. I have some friends out there. I’ll just party with them.”
Despite his words, I could see the melancholy he tried to mask. I wondered if Zac longed for a normal family Christmas Day.
“And I’ll be back in Edinburgh for New Year. You’re coming to our party, right?”
I frowned. “What party?”
“Bas didn’t ask you?” Zac scowled. “We always come back to the city for Hogmanay and host a party. The Royal Mile is usually heaving with the Hogmanay street party and we can watch it from the rooftop garden.”
A strange ache scored across my chest. Why hadn’t Sebastian invited me? I usually spent New Year with my family and extended family, but … it was nice to be invited.
“I’m inviting you.” Zac must have seen something on my face. “I want you there.”
A pity invite. Wonderful. “Thanks.”
“Lily, what’s the name of that Christmas movie with Kurt Russell?” Maddie asked from my other side. “I’m trying to convince Shaun to watch Christmas movies with me via video call once we’re apart for the holidays. He’ll like that one, right?”
Trying not to laugh at Shaun’s less than convinced expression, I replied, “The Christmas Chronicles.”
“Oh, aye, that sounds right up my street,” Shaun deadpanned.
I laughed as Maddie shoved him playfully.
Harry and Sebastian returned with the drinks. Sebastian placed a glass in front of me. “Mojito for the lady,” he drawled, as he searched my face.
I muttered my thanks.
“Why didn’t you invite Lily to our Hogmanay party?” Zac asked accusingly.
Sebastian shot him an annoyed look as he settled into his seat but then his expression softened on me. “I was planning to,” he assured me. “I just haven’t seen you in person in ages.”
“It’s okay.” I trusted he was telling the truth.
“Will you come?”
“I’ll need to see. I usually spend Hogmanay with my family.”
“I’d really love for you to be there.”
I smiled and promised, “Then I’ll really think about it.”
The next hour passed a bit less awkwardly, though I was glad for the physical distance from Sebastian because it meant we were engaged in discussion as a group rather than one on one.
Maddie and I wanted to buy a round, so I sneakily pretended to go to the restroom and stopped at the bar on my way back.
The good-looking bartender finished up with a customer and ignored those who’d been waiting so he could serve me.
Despite the dirty looks and muttered complaints from the other customers, it made me feel good and I couldn’t help my grin as I ordered our drinks.
The bartender smiled at me as he mixed the mojitos. “Those dimples are lethal.”
Oh, be still my heart, he had an Irish accent.
Buzzed from two mojitos, I flirted back. “Lethal how?”
The bartender chuckled, his eyes twinkling with interest. “My heart skipped a beat at the sight of them. They provoked a literal heart palpitation.”
I part groaned, part laughed. “What a line!”
He laughed, setting another drink on the counter. He’d opened his mouth to say something when he glimpsed over my shoulder and his grin fell.
I’d know why when a warm, familiar hand settled on my lower back and Sebastian leaned in, pressed to my side. He shot the bartender a tight-lipped smile and then looked down at me, his hand smoothing up my back. “Need help with the drinks?”
“Sure.” I forced myself not to tense against his touch. He smelled so bloody good, I could bury my nose in his throat and live there. Or just stare at his stupidly too handsome face. It was like staring into the sun. It burned to be this near him.
The bartender finished up the drinks without flirting. Sebastian handed over his card to pay before I could.
“Hey, the whole point was Maddie and I wanted to pay for one round.”
Sebastian shrugged. “Sorry. You can pay for the next round.”
I grumbled under my breath, and he snickered. “You’re so fucking cute.”
“Don’t be patronizing.”
“I’m not trying to be. Unfortunately for you, you are adorable when you’re annoyed.”
I stuck my middle finger up at him.
“See? Adorable.”
The bartender returned with the card so I couldn’t respond. However, he said to Sebastian as his eyes darted between me and my companion, “You’re a very lucky man. Enjoy your night.”
I opened my mouth to deny what was insinuated: that I was here with Sebastian as his date, but my friend replied, “Thank you. I know.” Then he gestured for me to walk ahead of him.
Irritated, I stopped in the middle of the crowded bar. “Why did you make it seem like you were my date? And don’t call me adorable when I’m annoyed. It fucks me off.”
His eyes flared because I rarely cursed. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean anything by it. The adorable comment. I just find everything about you adorable.”
Aye, unfortunately. Not sexy or charismatic or alluring.
Adorable.
Like a kid sister.
Or a bunny rabbit.
“Well, the bartender found me hot, and he was hot, and you made it seem like you and I are together.”
Sebastian’s expression blanked and his tone flattened. “I can go back and let him know we’re not.”
“No. Never mind. Just … never mind.” I didn’t want to argue with him or even think about our relationship right now. I just wanted a nice night with my friends.
Returning to the table, I stupidly downed my drink, and it went straight to my head.
The next couple of hours were a blur. As soon as I realized I was hitting the “very drunk” stage, I switched to water.
After a few glasses, I sobered up a bit.
I noted Sebastian switched to soda, even though I was trying not to pay too much attention to him.
When the evening ended, coats on, we huddled outside on George Street.
Trees and buildings were lit up with Christmas lights and it was a frosty winter night.
I sucked in a breath of crisp air, listening to the hoots and laughter of drunk partygoers wandering up and down the wide street.
The nippy fresh air helped me sober up even more.
Maddie and Shaun were hailing a cab that I planned to share with them, and Zac was hailing one for him, Harry, and Sebastian.
Sebastian took my arm and pulled me aside, concern etched into his taut features. “I don’t want to say goodbye like this. Will you come back to my place for a bit?”
“I should really go home.”
“Please, Sawyer.” He dipped his head toward mine. “Things feel weird between us, and I really don’t like it.”
“Sebastian—”
“You’re one of the most important people in my life. You know that, right?”
Guilt knotted inside me.
Part of me knew I wasn’t being fair to him and our friendship. “Okay. I’ll come back for a bit.”
He seemed to slump with relief. “Good.” He pulled me into his side, wrapping his arm around my shoulders to huddle me close. His lips brushed familiarly against my temple.
As the first cab pulled up, Maddie turned to me. “You coming, Lil?”
“I’m going to go to Sebastian’s. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She frowned. Maddie and Sierra didn’t know I was half in love with my best friend, but I think they suspected, and I suspected they were worried. “Okay. If you’re sure? My train leaves at ten, so please return in time to swap Christmas presents.”
“I’ll be there. Love you.”
“Love you, babe. Bye, guys!” She waved at the lads. “Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas!” the three of them boomed enthusiastically.
Sebastian squeezed me closer. “Fancy a hot chocolate when we get back?”
There were those butterflies again, raging wildly to life. “Sounds nice.”