Chapter 31 Sebastian
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
SEBASTIAN
Ibroke the kiss with Candice.
She stared up at me, eyes smoky, turned on. Ready for more.
I’d wanted to feel something kissing her.
Instead, I’d felt nothing.
Unlike when I woke up in bed with Lily in my arms and my whole body felt like it was on fucking fire.
I released my grip on Candice.
The woman was stunning. Yet looking at her elicited hardly any feeling.
Like I was looking at a beautiful sculpture and could recognize its beauty but felt nothing about it otherwise.
However, she’d made it clear upon her arrival that she was only looking for fun.
That she’d broken up with her fiancé and needed a rebound.
Despite the weirdness with Lily, or maybe because of it, I’d thought Why not?
It would make a statement about what was or was not between me and Lily.
She’d get it.
We’d get over it.
And we’d go back to the way things were before I’d messed up and dry-humped her in my bed.
The urge to search the crowded rooftop for my friend was too insistent to resist. A prickle of an ugly feeling hung over me as I glanced around.
It wasn’t guilt. Why should I feel guilty?
I was single.
My stomach knotted, however, the longer I looked and couldn’t find Lily.
“What is it? Who are you looking for?” Candice asked, sounding slightly irritated.
“Uh, one sec, yeah.” I gave her a tight-lipped smile. “I’ll be back in a second.”
As I pushed through the crowd, I spotted January snogging Geoff, who I’d befriended on my civil engineering course in second year.
Not wanting to interrupt them, I headed over to where Zac chatted with a couple of girls.
I’d noted he’d been hanging out with Lily all night.
I’d kept my distance because I was still getting weird vibes and didn’t want to push myself on her.
“Hey, where’s Sawyer?” I interrupted my friend’s conversation.
Zac glanced up at me, a smirk curling his mouth. “She took off with some guy.”
He might as well have shoved me toward the edge of the rooftop for how unbalanced I felt at this information. Some bloke? Lily? No way. “What do you mean?”
Zac shrugged, frowning. “What do you think I mean? She hooked up with some guy. I don’t know who he is, but they were all over each other.”
Lily? My Lily? Who had never had a one-night stand in her life? “Are you kidding?”
“No.”
I moved on instinct toward the door.
A strong hand gripped the back of my shirt, jerking me to a halt. I glanced over my shoulder to find Zac glaring at me. “What are you doing?” he bit out.
I shrugged him off. “What are you doing?”
“Stopping you from being an utter arse to Lil. She saw you snogging Candice.”
I swallowed hard. “So?”
Zac’s disgust was obvious, and I felt about two feet tall.
“You know, I’ve never thought you would deliberately hurt someone, but the way you’ve strung that girl along is shitty.
Let her be. Let her hook up with someone else and get over you.
Because we all know Lily Sawyer deserves better than you. ”
Stunned, I couldn’t speak as Zac turned his back and started chatting away to his companions like he hadn’t torn strips off me.
He was right.
Lily deserved so much better.
I should walk back across the roof and kiss Candice at midnight.
My hands fisted at my sides as an image of Lily in bed with some faceless bloke filled my mind. It made me sick. It made my blood boil and my skin flush hot.
It made my feet walk through the door and down the stairwell before I could think better of it.
LILY
Guilt swamped me as I let myself into my flat.
Alone.
Lorcan and I had made it halfway to Leven Street before my bravery fled and I started to feel nauseated by the thought of some strange bloke taking off my clothes.
I’d stopped in the middle of the street, blurted out what was happening with Sebastian, and how I was so sorry, but I was upset and I couldn’t sleep with him.
Thankfully, the Irishman was a decent guy. He told me he understood. Then he’d given me his phone number and told me to call him if I ever changed my mind.
A gentleman might have walked me the rest of the way home at eleven forty-five in the evening in the middle of a city, but whatever. At least he didn’t have a shit fit at being led on. Och, he’d probably return to the party and find someone else to sleep with.
Which was exactly why I couldn’t do it.
For some stupid reason, I needed to believe the guy sleeping with me wanted to sleep with me, not just that he needed to stick his cock in the nearest available vagina.
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I slammed my flat door shut behind me. I kept seeing Sebastian kissing Candice. Was that what I was, then, that night in his bed? Was he merely turned on because I was female? Could I have been any girl in his bed, and he would have kissed me?
And why did I care?
I hated him right now!
Maybe all it was between us was physical attraction and I was the one mistaking it for something else.
I swiped at my tears and kicked off my heels. Flattening my aching soles into the cold floorboards, I braced against the wall and tried to get a hold of myself. I was not going into the new year feeling like shit over a guy.
No way!
BANG, BANG, BANG! “Lily! Are you in there?!”
Startled, I squeaked at the sound of Sebastian battering his fist against my front door. What the hell? I crossed the room and unlocked it, throwing it open.
He stood with hands braced on either side of the doorway, white knuckling the woodwork. His expression was taut with some intense emotion as he inspected me and then peered over my shoulder as if searching for something.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Sebastian glowered at me, practically growling as he grunted and pushed past.
“Aye, sure, come in, Thorne.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “That was sarcasm, by the way.” Blood rushed in my ears, my skin turning hot as I watched Sebastian march around my flat, checking in doorways. “Looking for something?”
He whirled on me, nostrils flaring. “Zac said you left with some guy.”
What. The. Heck?
This was not happening.
Blazing indignation crawled up my legs, rapidly igniting my entire body. “I did,” I bit out between clenched teeth.
“Where is he?”
“Probably back at the party. What are you doing here? I thought you’d have Candice under you by now.”
“Did you fuck him?”
“I think you should leave before I kill you.”
Sebastian’s chest heaved as if he’d run a marathon. On closer inspection, I noted his skin was a little dewy, his cheeks flushed, like he’d run all the way here. Relief blazed in his eyes. “You didn’t fuck him. So you’re alone?”
“I was until my insane ex-friend just showed up.” I whirled around and grabbed the edge of the door. “You should go. You’re about to miss sticking your tongue down Candice’s throat again for the bells.”
His eyes narrowed. “That bothered you, huh?”
He did not.
“Sebastian, again, I’ll repeat: Get out before I’m arrested for murdering you.”
“No.”
I gaped at him. “No? When a woman asks you to leave her apartment, the answer is not no. Get out!”
Features etched with anger, he bridged the distance between us, and I backed up to let him exit. Instead, he grabbed the door out of my hold and slammed it shut, locking us inside together.
“W-what are you doing?” I spluttered.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he breathed out raggedly. “I just … I heard you left with some guy and … and …”
My heart raced so hard, I was sure he could hear it. “And what?”
Pain crossed his expression. “I don’t know. I … I hated the idea. Like, fully wanted to punch my fist through a wall hated it.”
“But you were okay about eating Candice’s face in front of me.” I shoved past him. “What is this, Thorne? You don’t want me but no one else can have me? You need therapy!”
He wrapped a hand around my biceps, pulling me back. His face bent to mine. “I didn’t feel anything for Candice. For fuck’s sake, I abandoned her on a rooftop to come to you. What does that tell you?”
“It tells me this is fucked up!” I yanked my arm from his hold, and he flinched at my uncharacteristic cursing.
“I know.” Sebastian scrubbed a hand over his face. “Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I want what’s best for you and know it’s not me? Don’t you think I know I’m a selfish bastard when it comes to you?”
“Then stop being selfish.”
“Then stop making me want you so much.”
I huffed, my cheeks turning hotter. “You did not just say that. You don’t blame a woman for your attraction.”
“I don’t blame you. But don’t you wish you weren’t attracted to me?”
“Aye!” I yelled. “I have never wanted something more!”
We stared at each other in sullen resentment, even as the air between us crackled with the most intense sexual tension I’d ever experienced.
My earlier thought returned.
What if it was only sexual attraction?
What if … what if we scratched the itch and discovered it was enough to put our feelings to bed?
“Fine,” I whispered, my knees shaking even as I kept my tone cool and confident. “Let’s just do it.”
His lips parted as he inhaled sharply. “Are you … what?”
“Let’s sleep together.” I shrugged with more casualness than I felt. “Let’s scratch the bloody itch and be done with it.”
Sebastian swallowed hard as his gaze dragged down my body slowly as if he was memorizing every inch of me. “You mean … I mean … you mean …”
“A one-night stand. No strings attached.”
He straightened, his eyes flaring hotly. “And you’d still be my friend afterward? It wouldn’t … wouldn’t it get weird?”
“No.” I shrugged. “It’s messing things up. So, let’s do it and be done with it.”
He stared at me so long, I thought he would deny it.
Instead, it was like some string holding him back snapped and suddenly I was in his arms.
Sebastian Thorne kissed me with a passion that rocked me back on my heels.