Chapter 42 - Sebastian
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
SEBASTIAN
Our laptops and books littered my bed as we ate Chinese takeaway straight from the cartons.
Since Lily had agreed to date me, my appetite had returned. For the last two days, I’d eaten everything in sight and then burned it all off at the gym.
What I hadn’t done was burn it off in bed with my girlfriend.
Girlfriend.
Last year, the thought of calling any woman that would have sent me running for the hills. Now, with Lily, the word filled me with an overwhelming affectionate possessiveness.
However, I was trying not to push her too fast, too soon. This wasn’t about the instant gratification of the best sex ever. It was about reassuring Lily that I wanted her in a very permanent way.
Since we were both extremely busy with the last semester of school, we’d decided we’d study and work on our dissertations together. That way, we could easily spend our breaks with each other.
Lily dug into her kung pao chicken, her long silky hair tied up into a messy knot.
She was making “yummy” noises that were driving me crazy.
I couldn’t stop staring at her, marveling at the fact that she was here with me.
That I’d somehow, incredibly, managed to talk this amazing woman into giving me a second chance.
She looked up from beneath her lashes and swallowed a bite of food. “You’re staring again.”
“You’re stare-worthy.” I shrugged, taking another bite.
I observed the necklaces nestled between her breasts.
Next to the book pendant January gave her was my diamond lily.
I gave it back to her yesterday and she put it on right away.
Lily then gave me my belated Christmas present—a vintage Stephen Spielberg Empire of the Sun film poster.
It was framed and everything. I knew how expensive those things could get, so I was very moved that Lily had spent her hard-earned cash on something so thoughtful for me.
We spent the entire day after my public declaration of love catching up with each other and what we’d been up to for the past month. There was more apologizing, some kissing and petting, but nothing more, even though I was desperate for her.
Suddenly, Lily reached out with her free hand to stroke my cheek. “You shaved.”
“Had a bit of a grizzly bear thing happening.”
“I quite liked it.”
“Really?”
She grinned, her dimples appearing. “I did. I also like you with a bit of scruff. You look all rugged and sexy unshaven.”
Pleasure filled me. “Oh really?”
“Hmm.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You do that.” Lily cocked her head in thought, the hair on top of her head bobbing adorably. “Would you rather spend every minute of every day shaving or never be able to shave again?”
Being invited back into Lily’s Would You Rather discussions felt symbolic, so I took the question seriously. “Never shave again.”
“Wouldn’t you constantly trip on your beard?”
“Well, if I choose to spend every minute of every day shaving, then that means I never, ever get to make love to you again … so I’d rather never shave and you could braid my beard into weird and wonderful creations.”
Her eyes glittered flirtatiously. “Who’s to say I’d be attracted to a man with a very long beard?”
“Are you saying your attraction to me is entirely dependent on my appearance?” I teased.
She laughed and shook her head. “You know it’s not. I’ll braid your beard, Gandalf.”
I gave her a nod of imperious thanks. Then asked, “Would you rather write a dissertation for the rest of your life or listen to ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ every day for eternity?” I’d learned over the holiday season that Lily couldn’t stand the Jackson Five Christmas track.
“That’s just cruel.” She let out a heavy sigh. “Dissertation.”
“Really? You hate it that much?”
“Aye, I hate it that much.”
Chuckling, I took another bite and murmured around the mouthful, “Good to know.”
“Would you rather eat vomit for the rest of your life or embarrass yourself and your girlfriend with romantic declarations in a public place?” Lily asked with a straight face. Then she snickered like a five-year-old. “Oh, I’m sorry, you already did the latter.”
“I am never going to live that down, am I? And thank you for mentioning vomit while we’re eating kung pao chicken.”
“You’re welcome. And never. Ever. Ever.”
“I wasn’t embarrassed in the least. And you shouldn’t be at all embarrassed by my public declaration of love.” I watched her carefully as she smiled but dropped her eyes.
It was, of course, not lost on me that Lily had not returned my avowal of love. Not because she didn’t love me. I knew that. She was … afraid to say it out loud. In case I hurt her again.
I hated that.
More than anything else in the world, I wanted her to tell me she loved me.
Yet I understood.
It didn’t mean I wasn’t determined to get her to confess it sooner rather than later.
Lily leaned away, putting her carton on the bedside table. The action caused her cropped sweater to rise, revealing an expanse of creamy olive skin I wanted to press a million kisses to. When she sat back, I knew she’d caught me ogling by the curve of her smile.
I shrugged unrepentantly and she let out a little laugh before settling back against my pillows.
“Would you rather spend the rest of your life as a civil engineer or in an art studio creating the most beautiful art I’ve ever seen?”
I tensed at her pointed question. Our eyes held and locked, hers serious and searching.
Her expression softened. “I know this week has been a big week for you emotionally and I don’t want to push, so tell me to back off if you need to. But … if you can pursue me, then maybe it means you’re ready to pursue other things you want.”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’ve been working toward my civil engineering degree for four years.”
“And yet you haven’t pursued a part-time job in the industry. Not even an internship or work experience.”
No, I hadn’t, and many of my classmates had.
“You’ll finish your degree, and you’ll always have it. But is it what you want, Sebastian?”
“You know it isn’t.” The idea of giving my art my full-time attention excited me as much as it terrified me. “It’s not a stable career, Lily. And I have you to think about now.”
Her lips parted in shock. “What do you mean?”
“This isn’t a passing fancy. I didn’t put myself through the emotional wringer for someone I see as temporary.” I gestured impatiently between us. “This is it for me, and I want to be able to take care of you.”
Lily’s brow wrinkled and she appeared to be suppressing a smile as she shimmied over to me.
She smoothed a hand up my thigh, momentarily distracting me from the serious subject matter.
“You will take care of me by supporting me through my career choices and being my shoulder to cry on and … helping me decompress with many, many orgasms.”
Heat flooded my groin. “Is that right?”
She chuckled. “I thought that part would get your attention. But my point is … I don’t need you to support me financially. In fact, considering who your family is, I’d really prefer not to be thought of as a person who needs your financial support.”
I scowled. “But—”
Lily pressed a finger over my lips, shushing me.
“I’ve worked extremely hard for four years and will spend another four years working even harder to get my doctorate in psychotherapy.
I know everyone thinks I’m Mother Teresa, but I’m not actually quite as self-sacrificing as that.
I’m ambitious. Eventually, I want to work for myself and have my own practice.
If I pull it off, I won’t need anyone’s financial support. ”
“I know.” I did know that. Lily had told me all this before.
“That means you won’t need to support me in that way. Don’t make this decision based on that. If your art doesn’t pay enough to support you—”
“Us,” I insisted.
Lily’s eyes lit with affection. “Us. Then you can go back to school or find an engineering job.”
My chest was suddenly tight with feelings. Overwhelming feelings I wasn’t quite sure I’d ever get used to. I placed my carton of takeaway on the bedside table near me and turned back to her, brushing my thumb over her full lips. “What did I do to deserve you, Sawyer?”
Her breath hitched at the gruffness in my voice. “We deserve each other.”
Need fogged my mind, and I knew if I kissed her now, I’d want to take it further. After all, I’d quite like to brand myself on this woman’s soul like she’d branded herself on mine.
“You …” She licked her lips, catching my thumb, and causing a jolt of lust to harden my cock. “You don’t need to be careful with me. If you’re holding back … don’t.”
That was all the invitation I needed.
Our lips were millimeters from touching when my bedroom door crashed open. Lily and I jerked away from each other in surprise.
There was my sister in the doorway, Leona at her back. Juno grinned deviously. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, Junebug, but I currently hate you.”
My sister cackled with sadistic delight.
Lily shoved me playfully. “Be nice!” She hopped off the bed while I covered my current situation with a pillow. “Juno!”
My sister and girlfriend enfolded each other in a thrilled hug. On any normal occasion, I’d be delighted they liked each other so much.
“Lily, this is my girlfriend, Leona.” Juno introduced the tall, brown-skinned beauty who had stolen my sister’s heart.
“It’s so lovely to meet you.”
“You too.” Leona pulled her into a hug. “I’ve heard so much about you.” She beamed over Lily’s shoulder and waved. “Hi, Bastian.”
“Good to see you.” I nodded gruffly. “Now all of you, except Lily, get out.”
Lily whirled on me. “Sebastian, manners.” Then she slid her arm around Juno’s shoulders and guided them out of the room. “Tea? Wine? How long are you here for?”
I groaned, closing my eyes in despair as their voices drifted away. “I love my sister,” I reminded myself between gritted teeth. “One cannot kill one’s sister.”
“Hey, Bas.”
My eyes flew open to find Zac leaning against my door frame. “Do you know your sister is here?”
“Painfully, painfully aware of the fact.”