Chapter Fourteen #2
“I’m not in love with him,” I said easily. Her eyes narrowed. “I may have a crush.”
“Sure.”
“And he may have asked me to get a drink with him last night.”
She blinked twice, eyebrows slowly rising. “Sure…”
“And we may have made out and dry humped a little in an elevator.”
Her lips parted. In the background, a throat cleared and Noah said, “So, I’m gonna go.”
I winced. “Hey, Noah.”
“Hey, Vi. Happy humping or whatever.”
I buried my face in my palm. “It’s stupid, is the thing. And I hate feeling stupid.”
“I know you do,” Arden said, her tone taking a sympathetic dip. “It doesn’t have to be, though. Dex isn’t a bad guy.” She paused. “Right? I feel like I don’t know enough about him to say.”
“He’s not a bad guy. He’s actually…” I exhaled, lifting my gaze to my best friend.
I’d only just gotten her rants back, and now the sympathy was making a comeback.
I was hoping I’d make it at least forty-eight hours, but my reckless heart had other ideas.
“It doesn’t matter because what he really is, is off-limits. ”
“Nice,” Noah said. Arden shot him a look. “Sorry, sorry. I’m going.”
“He’s not technically off-limits,” Arden said, returning her gaze to me.
“Did he write a love letter that would make Shakespeare proud? Yes. Is he on his way to hand deliver it to the woman he wrote it for? Also yes. But if he’s dry humping you in an elevator, things clearly aren’t as cut and dried as we thought. ”
My mind drifted without permission, landing on memories of Dex’s hands, Dex’s tongue, his desperate groan as he pinned me against the wall.
“Oh my god,” Arden said, snapping me out of my head. “You are in love with him, aren’t you?”
“No.” I rolled my shoulders and composed my sunburned face. “I’m not. And I’m going to will myself out of my pointless crush.”
“Really.”
“Yep. I started making a list of reasons why I shouldn’t like him.”
“Oh, boy,” she murmured, studying me like a bug under a cup. “You’re too far gone, I think.”
Ignoring this, I dove in. “He’s a clean freak. Dude would have a conniption if he walked through my apartment and saw the counter covered in used plastic forks and the colony of fruit flies in the bathroom. ‘Why are they in the bathroom?’ he’d ask. How am I supposed to answer that?”
Slowly, Arden covered her mouth with her hand. I plowed on.
“He doesn’t like junk food. How pretentious do you have to be to not eat a Twinkie I bought for you out of the goodness of my heart? I should hate him for that alone.”
“But you don’t,” Arden pointed out.
“Well, maybe he has a thing about sugar.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “Oh god.”
“ ‘Maybe he has a thing about sugar,’ ” Arden repeated grimly. “Violet. Sweetheart. Love of my life.”
“It’s so bad.” I looked at her, eyes swimming. “What do I do?”
Her expression softened. “Vi,” she said. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. It’s already done.”
“No, it’s not.” I waved a finger at the screen of my phone. “It’s not. Because we agreed it never happened. So it can’t be done because logic.”
The softness in her expression disappeared. I’d said too much.
“What?” Her lip twitched, seconds away from bared teeth, ready to go for the nearest throat.
“Hmm?”
“You agreed it never happened?”
“Who?”
“I told him.” Arden sucked in a sharp breath, face pinching with rage. “I told him if he returned you worse off in any way—”
“I’m not! I’m fine! Because it never happened, so we’re good!”
She slumped against the couch. “I hate that I’m not there. Not because I want to hurt Dex. I do, obviously. But I want to be there for you. As in, in the same room.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “You’ve been in the same room as me all year and I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. But we can’t always be in the same room, you know? I can’t rely on you so much.”
For a split second, I thought she might take offense, as if I didn’t appreciate how heroic she’d been over the course of our friendship—this last year put her in the running for a Nobel Prize, as far as I was concerned.
Accepting help is one thing, but being completely helpless is another.
I was sick of being unable to function without my best friend.
I needed her. I always would.
“I know,” she said, swiping at her eyes. “God, you’re healing. I’m so proud of you.”
I huffed. “Healing. Right.”
“Your dad would be proud, too.”
My heart heaved, crashing clumsily into my rib cage. “I haven’t done anything,” I whispered. “Like, I know he’s proud of me regardless, but—”
“Vi.” She widened her eyes. “He always wanted you to do what you wanted to do and be what you wanted to be. And here you are, finally.”
“Finally?”
“This isn’t just for Phoebe. It’s for you.
You’re coming back to life. You’re laughing.
You’re exploring new cities. You’re falling in love.
You’re stepping out of your comfort zone in every possible way,” she explained, and my vision blurred.
“I thought you were crazy, going on this trip. But I’m watching you blossom, babe.
And for the first time since we met, you know you deserve it. ”
I didn’t think this could be considered blossoming, considering the amount of times I’d reached for the pack of TUMS in my luggage.
Falling for Dex was the worst-case scenario, other than the true crime ending Arden originally imagined.
But I did feel different. These last few days, all the miles between here and home, something inside me changed for the better.
All I really knew was that it was easier to reach for the good memories of my dad, and each day seemed to awaken a happier version of Phoebe, and I’d found something with Dex I wanted to keep.
Maybe not a blossom, but at the very least, I wasn’t buried under six feet of soil anymore.
Later, once I’d promised Arden I’d keep her updated on all things crush-related and listened to a ten-minute rant about her mother’s pushiness about wedding plans, Phoebe returned with a huge smile on her face, and a box of leftovers for me.
“It was so good,” she shouted from the bathroom as I practically unhinged my jaw to eat half of the still-warm burger in one bite.
“I couldn’t decide between the burger and the chicken and waffles, so Dex let me get both.
The chicken and waffles were amazing, but that might be the best burger I’ve ever had in my life.
I was like, ‘We have to get Vi one.’ And Dex was like, ‘Yeah.’ ”
I moaned into the burger. Phoebe emerged from the bathroom, hair pinned out of her face, now wearing her swimsuit with a pair of shorts.
“Right?” she said, beaming. “Dex said maybe we could go back for breakfast before we leave tomorrow. Or will you still be avoiding him then?”
I took my time chewing another bite, studying a loose thread in the carpet intently.
“I’m not avoiding him,” I said. I didn’t need to look at her to know she rolled her eyes.
“We should get breakfast tomorrow. And maybe we should consider moving to Nebraska, home of the best fucking burger I’ve ever eaten in my life. ”
She giggled and plunked down on the edge of the bed beside me, swiping a fry from the box in my lap. “We were gonna get ice cream, too, but we were so full, we couldn’t. Maybe tomorrow.”
“Maybe.” Phoebe pulled her phone out of her pocket, her smile widening as she looked at the screen. I polished off my burger, anticipating her next giggle before it happened. “What are you laughing at?”