Chapter Seven
An Honest Conversation
“No, ma’am, I haven’t. Oscar is the best thing ever happened to me.”
She nodded. “You’re lucky to have his love, Jimmy. And he’s lucky to have yours. How are things in Port Essington? Did you find Oscar’s uncle?”
She was trying to distract me from the pain of the procedure. I knew that, but any help was much appreciated.
“In a manner of speaking. We found out he’d passed away.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did Oscar take it hard?”
“Yeah, he did—only because he’d been so focused on finding him. He didn’t know him at all.”
“I see.”
“But it turned out all right, because the gentleman that was friends with Oscar’s uncle, he told us we could take the run-down land and homestead that belonged to him.”
Miss June made a happy noise. “You don’t say! Well, I’ll be damned. Isn’t that a lucky thing?”
I hissed as she poked me again.
“Sorry. I’m almost done.”
“Well, it wasn’t much of a place when we first saw it.
But we’d made friends in town, and they helped us get the kitchen built up enough that we could stay warm in that room all winter.
We used the money I told you about to get a nice new stove to heat it and the materials to build up that room and the stables before the snow came.
And that’s where we wintered, all squished together in the kitchen with a bed in it. ” I shook my head.
“Did you mind being in such close quarters with Oscar?” Miss June asked with a coy look.
“No, ma’am. We had a good time.”
She nodded.
“I’m teachin’ Oscar to read and write.”
Her gaze flashed to mine. “That’s wonderful! He’s smart enough.”
I returned her smile. “That he is. He can read simple sentences now, and he’s starting to write them.”
“Good for Oscar. And good for you for teaching him.” She used her scissors to cut the suture and sat back. “I’m done now. Let me tie this off and we’ll let it air out a bit. It’s bleeding, but that’s normal after stitches go in.”
Miss June finished her work and washed her hands, then came around to sit on the side of the bed I was facing. She tucked her skirts under her knee and sat there smiling at me while a wave of gratitude surged through me.
“Miss June, I want to tell you something else—something amazing.”
“Of course!”
“Well, I’m not supposed to share this secret, but I reckon you’ll never be anywhere near to Port Essington, and I know you wouldn’t tell anyone there about it, so I reckon Clarence wouldn’t mind.”
“You mentioned a Clarence. Is he a friend of yours?”
“Our neighbor. He and his wife, Irene, live a short ride from our place. Clarence brought Oscar back when he got lost in a snowstorm, and we’ve become good friends with both of them. We spent a lot of time at their homestead this winter.”
“That’s wonderful.”
I traced a seam in the blanket with my finger, thinking about Irene and Clarence and the home we’d left behind.
“And Clarence, why he’s a man through and through.
When I first met him, he was gruff and not very friendly.
I thought he didn’t like us. But ’twas a form of self-protection, I reckon.
Anyway, we went o’er for a visit and when we got there, Clarence was bein’ attacked by a bear right in his yard beside the house! ”
“No! Oh my, Jimmy!” Miss June looked truly horrified.
“Yes, ma’am. Lucky for him and us, Irene is a crack shot. But Clarence had a deep gash in his thigh and Irene didn’t want to go for the doctor. I couldn’t understand it!”
Miss June gazed at me, and I figured she knew all about secrets needing to be kept.
“But I do know a little bit about healing wounds and looking after people. And anyway, while I was examining Clarence’s wound, I saw that he had what—what I would expect to find on a woman…”
Miss June blinked but she didn’t seem all that shocked. “You mean, a cunt instead of a cock?”
“Yes, ma’am, that’s what I mean.” My cheeks were aflame. ’Twas hard getting used to folks like Miss June and Oscar who said words like that out loud with no problem.
“Well, I’ll be damned. And he’s married to a woman?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, my goodness.” Miss June seemed as pleased as I’d been to discover that. “What a coincidence that you ended up with them as neighbors!”
“I know it. I almost feel like—like maybe God put them there for us to meet and befriend, because maybe…maybe God thinks I’m not entirely a bad person.”
Miss June gazed at me with tenderness and concern. “Do you think you’re a bad person, Jimmy?”
I averted my eyes all of a sudden, because I couldn’t take the disappointment in hers when I told her what I’d done.
“Sometimes. Sometimes, I do think that.” My voice was barely there.
Miss June put a gentle hand on my knee where it rested under the bedclothes.
“Jimmy, look at me.”
I forced myself to.
“Now, I know we never spoke much about your life before you showed up here with Oscar, but if there’s things in your past that you’re—”
“There is,” I said, louder. “I mean, there are things that I…I don’t even want to think about.” I swallowed thickly. “I dream about ’em sometimes.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I got…” I licked my lips, suddenly thirsty.
“I got caught up with some nasty folk when I was young, who went about robbin’ and murderin’ people with no remorse—or at least, very little.
I regret every moment of it now. Except—” A thought had suddenly occurred to me, and I licked my lips, my brain going a mile a minute.
“Except, I suppose if I hadn’t, I might never have met Oscar. I don’t know.”
I’d never really had that thought before, and it brought me right up all of a sudden.
Miss June nodded. “That’s true.”
“But—I can’t be glad about it. ’Cause they found us and took Oscar and almost…almost did fearful things to him, and I wish that had never happened…”
“Jimmy,” Miss June said, looking very serious. “Jimmy, you can’t change the past.”
“I know, but—”
“Uh-uh. You can’t. No matter how much you may want to. All you can do is lead a good enough life going forward and hope for forgiveness.”
I kept my gaze on hers, feeding off her wisdom and her tenderness like it was a cup of hot tea.
“A good enough life?”
“I don’t believe that anyone in this world is truly good. We all have wicked thoughts and feelings inside us, and sometimes they do escape and become reality. But it sounds like you got caught up in that outlaw life through no fault of your own, maybe?”
I sighed. “I suppose. My parents died when me and Robert were pretty young. We were sent to live with some elderly relatives, but that weren’t much good for us, although Robert took to it better at first. I ran and was found by a fella who seemed like the most fascinatin’ and impressive person I’d ever met for the first little while, and he took me under his wing.
I got involved more in the gang, and by the time I realized what kind of a life it truly was, ’twas too late to get out.
I was pretty young and had nothing else.
And I did try to go back one time, but that ended in disaster.
Because Robert decided he wanted to come with me when I went back to them, and I couldn’t bear to leave him behind.
” I made a face. “My grandpa was not a kind man, and I don’t think he wanted to raise us anyway. ”
We were silent for a little while. Miss June got up to adjust the brightness of the lamp so that the room was bathed in a soft light instead of the intensity she’d needed for her stitching. She peered o’er at me while she turned the little brass key and the lamp dimmed.
“Did Robert join the gang, too?”
“Yes, ma’am. I think… I think that’s the thing I regret most of all.”
She returned to the bed and sat down, taking my hand in one of hers and laying her other hand o’er the top of it. Her skin was so soft, and her touch was a soothing comfort after a rough day.
“What happened to Robert?”
I frowned and shifted my gaze to the bed covering as the memories returned to me. My voice was rough when I continued speaking.
“He died. Got shot in the back and left in the dirt by a rival gang. And the hardest part was… The worst of it was that the men I’d had a bit of respect for in the gang, they didn’t even want to look for him. I found him, and I can still see him lyin’ there.”
“Oh, Jimmy, I’m so sorry.”
The tears slid o’er my cheeks, and I was too exhausted to fight them. Probably all the stress and the pain had caught up to me. My face didn’t even have the will to crumple, and I didn’t make a sound.
Miss June slipped closer and clasped my hand to her warm bosom, stroking it and saying soothing words to settle me. I didn’t protest, because it felt real good and like ’twas something I needed.
Once my tears had dried and I wasn’t sniffling anymore, she patted the back of my hand and glanced at the door. “Whatever is keeping Oscar? Maybe he couldn’t find Trick, or—”
Our gazes met and we both grinned. Then Miss June laughed.
“Or maybe he decided ‘twas a good idea to wait while she finished up with something,” she said.
“I reckon that’s probably what ’twas.”
“Well,” she said, patting my hand again then letting it go and standing, “’twas good to talk with you, Jimmy. I think you need to stop agonizing over your rough past and accept it. It made you who you are today, and I think you’re a good man. In fact, I know it.”
“How can you?”
She grinned. “Didn’t I mention? I’ve got a second sense when it comes to people. Works for me well around here—most of the time, anyway.”
I tried to smile.
“And I can see it in Oscar. He loves you, and he knows you’re a good man. And you’ve got to start seeing yourself through our eyes, Jimmy, because you are a very special person now , no matter what happened before.”
“Maybe,” I said.
“Surely,” she replied as the door opened and Oscar came in with Trick, whose lips were red and swollen, cheeks were flushed and hair was rather disorderly.
“I got her when I could. She was”—Oscar glanced at Trick, who shrugged, then he looked back at us—“busy.”
Trick sucked a finger into her mouth, then used it to smooth back some hair at her temple. “Girl’s gotta make a living.”
Miss June put a hand on Trick’s shoulder and kissed her rosy cheek, then stepped back and gave her a steady look.
“I have a proposition for you, my dear.”
“Oh, bloody hell. Now what?” she said, but the fondness she held for Miss June was in Trick’s good-humored countenance.
“I’ll tell you in a minute. First, I need you two to help Jimmy to sit up so I can wrap up this wound.”
Trick and Oscar did as Miss June asked them, and I managed to have a glimpse of my injury before she covered it up.
The jagged edges had been neatly stitched together with proper medical sutures and, though it looked angry and red at the moment, I had no doubt I had the best chances at a full recovery under Miss June’s care.
She wrapped a clean cotton bandage around my middle and tied it off, then Trick and Oscar lowered me back down to the bed. For the first time in a while, I felt comfortable and able to relax.
Miss June glanced at Oscar. “Now, I’ve disinfected and stitched Jimmy’s wound and he’s going to be fine, but he’ll need to rest for a few days so the stitches hold and it starts to heal well.”
I bit my tongue when I wanted to protest that I’d be fine to ride out before that, since we’d already had that conversation.
Oscar’s stern gaze flashed to mine, as if he expected me to give Miss June trouble about it, so I only frowned and kept quiet as Miss June continued.
Oscar looked at her as Miss June shifted her gaze to Trick.
“But I was hoping that we could get started on looking for Cal. So, I was thinking that you and Oscar could go out and scout around the nearby spots where we might find her.”
Oscar returned his gaze to me. I shrugged, since it was blatantly obvious ’twas out of my hands. Then he looked at Trick.
“Can you ride?” he asked, in such a surprised voice I reckoned I understood when her hackles went up.
“Better’n you, probly.” She gave him such a scornful look I thought he’d get mad. “I can ride—and I can shoot.” She put her hands on her hips and looked Oscar up and down. “Can you?”
Oscar looked ticked off for a second, but then he collected himself.
“Better’n you, probly,” he said, with exactly the same tone Trick had used on him.
She grinned, then, and Oscar relaxed as well. “Hmm, I don’t know. I can shoot pretty well.”
“So can I,” Oscar said, crossing his arms o’er his chest.
“Well, then,” Miss June said, “that’s settled.”
Oscar glanced at me. “Should we put Trick on Dixie, or give her Onyx and I’ll ride Dixie?”
I glanced at Trick. “You know how to handle a horse that gets grumpy and stubborn from time to time?”
“Sure,” Trick said. “I can handle men like that, too. I got all kinds of skills.”
I grinned. I’d missed Trick and her cheeky ways. “I bet you do.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I offered to show you that once, Jimmy Downing, but you turned me down.”
That seemed to try the last of Oscar’s patience.
“You what ? You offered to bed my man?” The outrage and offense in Oscar’s voice made my heart warm in my chest. I liked it when he got possessive of me.
Trick raised her hand. “Now, that was before I knew how much in love the two of you were. I do beg your pardon.” She grinned. “You’ll be happy to know that Jimmy refused me right quick, e’en though you were upstairs unconscious and wouldn’t have known a thing about it.”
Oscar blinked. “Oh.” He turned to me. “That true?”
“I suppose ’tis. I can’t remember. I was outta my mind with worry about you back then.”
“Anyway, I grew up with horses,” Trick said, “and Gus taught me to shoot. I’m a good shot, ain’t I, miss?”
“Yes, you are.”
“Oscar’s a good shot, too,” I said, fixing him with a stern look. “But you need to be goddamn careful, all right?” I said. “You never know what you might run into.”
“We’ll stick together, Jimmy. Don’t worry,” Oscar said, and I could see the excitement in his face. He turned to Miss June. “But can I get a bath and a solid night’s sleep first? And some of that tincture for our mosquito bites?”
“Of course. The two of you can set out tomorrow.”