Chapter Ten
Fretting
“Now, look… You be careful, Oscar,” I said, when he was getting ready to ride out.
Miss June had allowed Oscar to prop me up with pillows so I could at least look at something besides the rafters. I’d had some porridge, a boiled egg and a cup of willow bark tea. I was feeling good, but I wasn’t looking forward to spending the day apart from Oscar.
Oscar was getting dressed to go out. I’d watched him pull on his underthings and his trousers, then a fresh shirt from his pack, then socks and boots, and now he lifted his suspenders o’er his slim shoulders and drew on his light jacket. He noticed me then.
“What?”
“I just… I like the look of you. That’s all.”
Oscar grinned and walked to the bed. “Oh, I know it. Maybe when I get back you can watch me take it all off again.”
I matched his smile. “I reckon I’d like that.” I sobered and gave him a stern look. “Now I need you to take care today.”
“I will, Jimmy.”
“You got lots of cartridges for your revolver?”
“Yes.”
“And for the rifle?”
“Yep.”
I sighed and made a fist in the bedclothes. “I don’t like bein’ laid up and you goin’ off with Trick to look for Cal. I wish I could go with you.”
Before we’d left Port Essington, I’d bought Oscar a proper leather belt with a holster for his gun.
He buckled it on now and bent to lace the holster to his thigh but glanced up at me.
His hair, so clean from his bath that it looked like delicate feathers, flopped o’er his forehead.
He still had swollen bites from the mosquitoes in a few places, as did I, but Miss June had given him some of the same salve she’d applied to mine to stop the itching, much to Oscar’s relief.
I’d make sure we had some of that good salve before we rode back to Port Essington.
And he and Trick had put on some of the tincture of marigold that would keep them at bay.
I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and kiss his soft lips, but there wasn’t time for that. Oscar finished with his holster, tossed the hair off his face and walked o’er to me.
“I know. But Trick is as tough as any man, Jimmy, and I’m fierce, e’en though I’m small.”
I took Oscar’s hands in mine, gazing into his eyes with a strength that matched his. “You are, Oscar. You’re fierce and quick, and I want you to use your head and not get into a crazy mess out there.”
“Yes, sir. You know, I wouldn’t dare.”
“That’s right. You keep yourself safe, else I might have to come lookin’ for you and ruin this fine stitching Miss June put in my side.”
Oscar grinned and lifted one of my hands to his lips, kissing the skin on the back of it with the utmost tenderness. Then he lowered it and did the same to the other.
“I’ll be fine. We’ll be back well before dark.
You’ll see.” He pulled something from his pocket and held it up.
“I got this pretty pocket watch, see? The one that you gave me for Christmas, with my name on the back.” I smiled as he dropped it back in his trouser pocket.
“I only hope we find something encouragin’, even if we don’t find Cal herself today. Miss June gave us some places to look.”
“You just do the best you can and get back here safely.”
“I will. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Now git, before I change my mind and come with you.”
* * * *
The rest of the day dragged. I ate some soup and bread that Sally brought to my room—seemed she was my dedicated nursemaid, and perhaps Miss June had given her some time off her regular duties. She seemed happy to wait on me and not in a rush to get anywhere else.
I heard the sounds of strange men about all afternoon, the footfalls from the hall, the shrieks of laughter and ribald comments, the music from the piano downstairs and some sounds of congress from the room next to mine.
I knew from experience ’twas worth a pretty penny to spend a few hours among women when your life was all about men, even if I was in love with Oscar now.
The women I still had in my life—Irene and Miss June and even Trick—were precious to me.
And something about the girls here, whom other men paid for favors and took their pleasure with, made me happy—the way they were in control of their lives as much as they could be, since Miss June kept such a reputable establishment, and able to be more themselves than perhaps a wealthy married woman who was constrained by the expectations of polite society.
If I hadn’t dedicated myself to Oscar, I might have been sorely tempted to pass the time in a more interesting way.
But I was a married man now, and I took the vow that I’d made very seriously, even if it hadn’t been at all legal.
I drifted in and out of sleep, and when I woke again to see the light of the room dimming and no sign of Oscar having returned, I felt a spike of fear.
They should be back by now. ’Twas getting dark, and the thought of Oscar out there in a place he didn’t know, riding around with only one other person to help him, made me sick to my stomach.
My pocket watch was on the nightstand, beside a glass of water and the soiled cup from my last bit of willow bark tea.
I reached o’er to check it. ’Twas nigh ten o’clock, which was late, to be sure, but up here this far north, the sun stayed out a long time at this time of year.
Maybe they had come back but Oscar hadn’t wanted to disturb me, but I needed to know.
I decided that in this particular circumstance, I was justified in disobeying Miss June’s instructions to stay in bed.
I sat up and pushed the covers back, being very careful not to strain my stitches too much.
I was comforted by the fact that moving seemed to hurt less than it had the day before, but when I pushed myself to my feet, I swayed a bit and had to sit right back down.
Which was when the door opened.
“Oscar!” I said as relief flooded me.
“Jimmy Downing, what on earth are you doin’ out of bed?”
“Lookin’ for you. I didn’t know you were back.”
Oscar shut the door behind him and came to help me get back under the covers.
“Back to bed now. I’m fine. Trick’s downstairs. We were talking to Miss June. I had a peek in on you, but you were sound asleep.” He pulled the covers back o’er me like a proper nursemaid and sat down on the coverlet.
He was dirty and dusty, but I’d never seen anyone so beautiful.
“Did you have any luck?”
Oscar sighed and shook his head. “Not yet. But we’ll try again tomorrow.”
I was not looking forward to another day without him. I was sure hoping Miss June would give me leave to get out of bed, at least.
“You want me to sing you All the Pretty Little Horses so you can go back to sleep?” Oscar asked, smoothing the hair back from my brow.
“Well, I—” In fact, that sounded like the best thing in the world right about now. “I would, in fact.”
Oscar took off his boots and got up on the bed, leaning back against the pillows and soothing me with soft touches and loving glances, as he sang the familiar words that lulled me right back into the land of Nod, safe in the assurance of his proximity and care.
* * * *
I was fortunate that once Oscar and Trick had left again the next morning, Miss June came to change my bandages, and she gave me leave to move around a little, as long as I promised to sit when I could and go slow and easy.
I puttered around in the room for the morning and early afternoon, and it was enjoyable to sit in the chair and look out of the window onto the backyard.
I felt a good deal recovered, except for the occasional stabs of pain from the healing wound.
When I couldn’t bear it anymore and the fretting of waiting for Oscar to return was too much, I left the safety of my room and walked gingerly down the stairs, holding the railing and moving like molasses.
The parlor was full of scantily clad girls, lying about on the furniture and getting ready to receive any men who might come in.
This was the way of cathouses, and ’twasn’t anything I was unfamiliar with.
Although now that I’d had the luxury of seeing Oscar dressed in some of them frilly underthings, I found my eyes wandering and my cheeks heating.
Seems I still found some things fetching, even if I was more interested in Oscar’s parts and the heart attached to them.
“Hi, Jimmy,” one of the girls said, waving at me and smiling with a coy flirtatiousness that made me a mite uncomfortable. I recognized her as the girl who’d given me the sponge bath—Sally.
“Hello,” I said, with a polite smile, and tried not to remember how she’d seen me.
“You worried about your beau?”
My husband.
“Yes. A little.”
A lot.
“Aww, I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” one of the other girls assured me, pulling her peignoir open on purpose so I could see the flesh plumping out of her corset.
I tore my eyes away, but then found myself gazing into the pretty green eyes of another girl, who smiled and giggled.
“You’re awfully sweet to worry about him, Mr. Downing.”
Perhaps coming down here hadn’t been the best idea, but I wanted to know when Oscar got back.
An older whore named Bertha, who had hair as dark as coal, bright blue eyes and seemed more experienced than the others, leaned o’er to slide her finger along my chin, gazing into my eyes with a smile.
“You know, Jimmy, we can distract you until Oscar and Trick come back. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“Oh, no thank you—” I protested, shaking her off as politely as I could. I felt a might trapped because I didn’t want to be rude to these girls, who were only trying to help me.
The thump of boots on the porch interrupted my protests, and a moment later the door opened.