Mindi #3
I looked at Brooke, not sure I wanted to tell her what I’d found in the mailbox.
We were four years apart, and while we’d been friends when Noah and I had been dating, I’d never really shared many personal things with her from that time in my life.
But as we got older, we shared more personal things and we’d grown closer than we’d ever been.
She watched me, and when I met her eyes, I could feel my walls breaking down.
“Yeah, things are fine. I think the whole situation with Sarah is getting to me. Plus, I just received something in the mail the other day that has got me a bit rattled.”
“Oh, not bad news, I hope.”
“No, it’s not,” I said, clearing my throat and taking a mouthful of coffee. “Do you remember Noah?”
Brooke lifted her eyes to mine and gave me a funny look. “Sure do. You guys were so close, I remember wondering if we’d hear wedding bells once he returned.” She smiled. “Did you ever find out what really happened to him?”
I swallowed hard. No one really knew what had happened to him. Everyone just followed my lead and assumed he’d died, especially after his parents had left. It was the only real reason we had for him not returning and his parents leaving.
“No, but he isn’t dead,” I said, releasing the only information I had found.
“What? What do you mean?”
“When you are close to someone, you somehow have an unspoken connection. While I chose the only option that made sense to me, and one that made it easier to cope with, I never really believed he was gone. It was like my soul could still feel him.”
“Sounds like you’ve been taking a stroll down memory lane lately,” Brooke said with a gentle smile.
“You could say that. I mean, it is that time of year. It started when I got home the other day. I found one of those bags in the mailbox. You know, the ones that they put mail in when either the contents of the envelope go missing or get damaged or lost.”
Brooke nodded, waiting for me to continue.
“Well, inside that bag was a Christmas card from 2015. It was from Noah.”
“What! That is crazy. After all these years, it finally got to you.”
“Yes, and do you know what he’d written inside?”
Brooke shook her head, waiting for me to continue.
“He proposed to me.”
“What????”
“I guess he must have sent it after the last letter I received from him.”
“Why do you think that?”
“I don’t know. I just know the letter I received was the last letter I’d gotten from him, despite writing him for an entire year, which to be honest, I don’t know why I continued because he never got any of them, they were all returned to me.”
“I remember that Christmas. You were so excited that he was coming home, and then you were so heartbroken when he couldn’t make it, and then in January when he didn’t appear, you were even worse.
Then, his parents left. Do you remember the following year I tried to set you up with Billy Parsons? You remember that?”
“Sure do. We hit it off for a bit, but I was still having a hard time getting over Noah. Or maybe I wasn’t ready to.” I smiled and then grew serious again.
It was then that tears formed in my eyes. My eyes burned as I looked at Brooke and swallowed. I picked up my mug and took a sip, and then ripped off a piece of the buttery croissant and shoved it into my mouth.
“Did you hear from him after that, at any point over the years?”
I shook my head. “No, even after his parents returned, they wouldn’t speak to me, and here I was questioning why. I guess I know the answer to that now.” I shrugged.
“Well, did you ask Ethan? Perhaps he knew him or knows someone who does.”
“I was going to but decided against it. Brooke, I am not sure I want the whole town talking about it again. I lived through that once, through the looks every time I walked into a building or went to an event, the whispers behind my back. I’ve given it a lot of thought today.
What if this was how it was supposed to be? ”
“I don’t understand?”
“What if we were just supposed to part ways? Maybe we weren’t supposed to be married, or to date any longer than we did. I’m not sure I want to revisit an old path, open up old wounds. For what? To find out that they will end the same way anyway?”
Brooke sighed. “If I had thought that way, then Tristan and I would never have gotten together.”
“The pair of you were different. There probably always was something between you that you couldn’t see. There’d be nothing between us now, not after I hurt him the way I did.”
“Perhaps, but you’ll never know unless you contact him.”
My fingers ran around the rim of my mug as I sat there thinking about what she’d just said.
“I already know, Brooke.”
“How?”
“I looked him up on Facebook. I found him there. I sent a message, and he hasn’t even read it.”
“When did you send it?”
Again, I ran my fingers around the rim of my mug. “Last night.”
“Give him a chance. He might just be as shocked as you are. I mean, given the circumstances.”
“It was a stupid idea to reach out,” I said, trying to make a heavy situation lighter. “It’s not a wonder he didn’t return home. I probably ripped his heart out.”
“Mindi, you didn’t hurt him intentionally. You didn’t know he sent that card. It’s not like you rejected his proposal.”
“That is true. I just think it was dumb to message him. I mean, what am I supposed to say? Sorry for hurting you by never responding to your proposal?”
“While that is not how you should start things, it actually might be a good idea to at least let him know why you are contacting him, by telling him you received the card ten years too late.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Can I ask you what it is you’re afraid of?”
I studied her and then finally let out the breath I was holding. “Finding out that his life didn’t turn out like mine.”
Brooke frowned at me. “What is that supposed to mean? Your life turned out fine. You own a successful tree farm, you’re part of a wonderful community that cherishes you. You have many friends who love you.”
“That is true, but there is one thing I don’t have, and that is someone to go home to every night.”
Brooke smiled. “I didn’t have that either for years, might I remind you?
I think you should take a chance and try to find him.
There is only one way to know how things turned out for him, and contacting him would be it.
The worst thing that could happen is finding out he’s in a committed relationship.
At least you will know, and it will put an end to your suffering. ”
As if on cue, the doors opened, and the little bell above the door jingled. Brooke looked over toward the door and then back at me.
“I have to go. Enjoy your coffee and croissant and, for goodness’ sakes, take a chance. It is a magical season, after all. Who knows, perhaps come the new year we will not only have a home for Sarah, but we might just have a wedding to plan.”
“Ha, that’s hilarious, and I’m not talking about the Sarah part.” I giggled.
“Never say never.” She winked.
“Well, whatever you do, please don’t hold your breath.” I giggled. “And I will enjoy because I need your sweets to get through the rest of this year.” I winked.
She gave me a quick hug and then took off over behind the counter and quickly looked after her customers while I sat there, drowning my sorrows in my cup of coffee and the rest of my buttery pastry.