3. Niall
Niall
Kinshore, Scotland
The wet Scottish autumn provided a muted, damp backdrop to proceedings, but standing in the large but homely kitchen of his parents’ house as the rich aroma of roast dinner permeated the room, Niall was warmed to his core.
Almost all of his family was here. Sean; Jamie and his partner, Alicia; Cara; Eilidh; Nate. Cal would arrive on the weekend with his fiancée, Bea. And, of course, their parents were here.
When Niall had opened the door of the kitchen, his mum had almost dropped the tray of scones she’d been carrying.
‘Niall! Oh, my goodness!’ She was on him in an instant, smothering him with the warmest hug and muttering that she had no idea and how much she’d missed him and what was he doing staying away so long.
When at last she loosened her hold, tears glittered in her eyes like autumn raindrops, and she swiped him affectionately with a dishtowel.
‘It’s dangerous to give old people frights like that,’ she scolded.
‘Sorry, Mum. You’re not old, you know.’
‘Oh, my boy.’ Niall would have sworn she was about to sob if she wasn’t rubbing both his arms and smiling like she’d won several lottery jackpots and the bingo all at once. ‘Jimmy. Our boy’s home.’
‘Aye.’ Jimmy Butler smiled and nodded up at him from his wheelchair, and Niall had to temper his shock that this was the solid, tall man who’d taught him to surf, chased him round the garden but also up the stairs to bed, and who’d spoken to him in seriously stern tones at frequent intervals throughout his teenage years.
Jimmy Butler was no longer intimidating in that way, but Niall was conscious of the loosening in his chest at his dad being happy to see him.
Like he had half expected to get into trouble for arriving by surprise, for making it “all about Niall”.
‘Hi, Dad.’ What was the protocol here? He had never hugged his dad, so it seemed hypocritical to start now that the man was dying.
Leaning down to his wheelchair seemed patronising to this former powerhouse of a man.
But not doing so also wrong, like Niall was holding out because of their differences in the past.
In the end, the decision was taken away as his dad reached out and touched Niall’s hand.
‘Welcome home, son.’ Jimmy’s speech was slurred and somewhat protracted, but the words shot straight to Niall’s heart like an injection of morphine.
‘Thanks, Dad. It’s good to see you.’
Niall’s elder brother Jamie, the second eldest of the Butler siblings, leaned against the fridge and sized Niall up and down.
‘You’re ageing like a young whisky, bro.’
‘Okay, not sure what that means, but thanks? I think.’
‘Aye, it’s a good thing. You don’t have that deep, rich maturity of an aged malt – hopefully, none of us do until we’re at least fifty – but you’ve got that pep and zing that a younger expression does.’
Niall laughed. ‘Pep and zing! That’s the last thing I’m full of right now. Hey,’ – he motioned for Jamie to move aside to let him into the fridge – ‘don’t suppose there’s anything cold and caffeinated in here.’
‘You might be in luck.’ Jamie not only stepped to his left but opened the fridge door for Niall.
Niall was in luck. His mum, knowing that most of her children were coming home, had stocked the fridge with some of their favourite drinks.
Niall pulled a can of Irn-Bru – also Sean’s favourite – off the shelf, pushed the door closed and slid his finger under the ring pull.
That’s when something caught his eye. His hand stalled on the cold metal as he stared at the piece of paper attached to the fridge door with a magnet.
There was a name on there that would call out to Niall like an owl in a forest.
Carli Caselli.
What the hell?
Niall scanned the sheet. Emirates, dates, Melbourne, Dubai, Glasgow, Campbeltown.
A flight itinerary. Carli’s flight itinerary. From Melbourne to… Kintyre.
‘J? What’s this?’
‘What’s what?’ Jamie craned his neck to see the sheet his brother was fixated on. ‘Looks like a flight itinerary to me. Whose is it? Carli Caselli? That name’s… Wait? She’s the one…’
Had Jamie ended his sentence there on purpose? It could be the most accurate summation of Niall and Carli’s relationship – ‘she’s the one’ – but also salt to a wound, and it would be quite un-Jamie to state things in such a way. ‘… you went out with back in the day,’ his older brother added.
‘Aye, aye, she is. And it looks like she’s coming back here tomorrow.’ Niall slapped his cheek. ‘Am I about to wake up from a dream or something?’
Amanda, who’d been busy checking in the oven, declared, ‘Right, we shouldn’t have too much longer to wait… Niall, you should have a wee lie down. You’re awfully pale.’
‘I’m only pale because of this, Mum.’ Niall nodded towards the fridge. ‘I don’t get it. Is… Is Carli coming here?’
‘Oh!’ Amanda threw her palm across her mouth. ‘Of course, that’s a wee bit of a surprise for you. Do you want to sit down?’
‘Um… no.’ Niall stood stock-still, the cold can he was gripping numbing his skin. What was his mum about to tell him?
‘Carli and Eilidh got back in touch last year.’
‘Aye, I heard.’ Niall had known this and tried his best never to talk to his sisters about their rekindled friendship with his childhood sweetheart.
He didn’t want the lowdown on what she was up to, how her marriage was, how many kids she had, how she was thriving after moving on from their break-up seventeen years ago.
The break-up he caused because of his own stupidity.
‘Well, Carli told Eilidh she would be travelling through Scotland in September…’ His mum’s voice filtered back in. ‘So Eilidh invited her to the party, on the off chance that she could come. And Carli accepted.’
‘We didn’t think you were coming,’ Eilidh added. ‘Sorry, Noo Noo. None of us had a clue. Sean, amazingly, did such a good job of keeping a secret. And it’s too late to cancel now.’
Niall’s head was swimming, both at his sister calling him by that daft nickname – Sean’s pronunciation of his name as a toddler – and her news. ‘So Carli is coming to Dad’s party and staying here?’
‘Yes, she arrives tomorrow.’
‘And it’s just her?’ Niall had to check there was no husband or partner in tow. Didn’t mean they didn’t exist, but from the itinerary it appeared she was travelling alone.
‘Only Carli. She’s staying a few days then travelling around the country. She’s going camping and…’
Eilidh’s voice trailed off in Niall’s head.
Carli would be here tomorrow. Bloody hell!
Carli Caselli and him, back in Kinshore together after all these years.
Sometimes he imagined seeing her again, but never in a million years did he expect it to be here.
He thought there was more chance of bumping into her in Australia somewhere.
But back on the home turf where they’d first seen each other, fallen for each other, lost their virginity together. That was something else.
And there was the small matter of his having broken her heart and never fully explained himself.
What would her presence here mean in terms of that?
Would the past have to be split open again like a piece of rotten fruit sitting on the counter, all hard on the outside and festering on the inside?
This was what could be described as an emotional emergency.
Niall pulled the itinerary from the fridge, sat down slowly at the kitchen table and cracked open the Irn-Bru, the fizzing bubbles of the drink audible in the now silence of the room.
He stared into space and took a large swig, the sweet, fruity, almost medicinal flavour hitting his tastebuds as well as anything alcoholic could.
Fuck.
When he looked up, everyone was staring at him.
‘You okay, bud?’ Jamie asked.
‘Aye, awesome.’ This was Niall’s boilerplate response anytime anyone asked him if he was okay, even when the answer was, no, I’m in crisis mode.
‘But I can’t have her come here and… I don’t want it to be awkward for Carli.
I’m the last person she’ll want to bump into.
I should go. Make myself scarce for a couple of days. ’
‘Niall! You’ve just got here. Don’t you dare go anywhere,’ his mother reprimanded. ‘We can sort this out with a little preparation.’
‘Put you in adjoining rooms like Nate does with cats being introduced to each other,’ said Cara. ‘Let you sniff at each other from opposite sides of the door first.’
‘Helpful, Car.’ Niall smiled sardonically at his sister.
His mum was right, though. He had to stay here, for her and his dad’s sake.
He looked down at the itinerary. At Carli’s name.
He could envision it now in her own perfect handwriting on the front of her school jotter, at the bottom of every letter she sent him.
I love you. Carli. xxx
And he’d written, I love you, too, Cass. My God, he had. So much. But to protect her from a loser like him, he’d lied and pretended he didn’t love her anymore. Was this his chance to atone? Not to get back together but to apologise and maybe explain? Would she even want that?
‘I presume Carli thinks I won’t be here,’ Niall asked Eilidh.
‘Yeah, no offence, Noo Noo, but that might have been a bit of a deal-breaker.’
‘Okay, none taken.’ Niall had an idea. It wouldn’t fix the problem of him and Carli, but it was something useful to do.
He examined the itinerary, checked the time zones on his phone to work out the time difference, then pushed his chair back and stood up.
Waving the piece of paper in the air, he said, ‘I have to make a phone call. Is it okay if I use your library, Mum?’
‘Of course, darling. Take as long as you need.’