Chapter 19
Carli
The following morning, Carli snuggled in her sleeping bag and listened to pigeons cooing outside the tent.
She scanned her body for aches and pains, as she automatically did every morning.
Considering the stress of last night and that she’d slept in a tent, things weren’t too bad, and light activity would be possible today.
But how things would be with Niall was up in the air.
Carli understood why he hadn’t told her the truth back then.
His self-worth had been at ground level, worn down by teachers, by his worries about being like his biological father.
He’d have hated himself for what he’d done and couldn’t have faced her hating him too.
It was selfish to keep that from her, but she understood why. His troubles ran deep.
She rolled onto her back and looked at the light filtering through the fabric of the tent. Could she let herself fall for him again? Why not make the break from him now and get on with her life? Write him off as someone from her past.
Oh yeah, just like that.
Carli slid out of her sleeping bag, pulled on a sweater and emerged to see what was happening outside.
Niall was frying eggs over the fire.
‘Morning.’ He smiled, but a flickering in his eyes betrayed his uncertainty. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Morning. I was comfy, thanks to the mat and the sleeping bag.’
‘Good stuff. I’ll make you some eggs. Then maybe we can talk about what you want to do today?’
Carli’s hesitancy must have been obvious because Niall added, ‘What I mean is, if you’d like me to leave you, not what we are doing together. Sorry, that wasn’t clear.’
‘Ah, right.’
They sat and ate eggs on toast, neither of them saying a word. Carli sensed Niall stealing glances at her from time to time. The loch was a comforting place to distract herself, the water placid in the gentle morning sunshine.
Oh, Mum, what do I do here? I have such strong feelings for him, but I’m terrified of getting hurt again.
Something told her just to follow her gut and go with her heart.
‘Thanks for the eggs,’ she said when she’d devoured the breakfast. ‘They were delicious.’
‘It’s not too hard to get eggs right, is it?’ Niall reached for her plate.
‘You’d be amazed how some people can fuck up simple things.’
Niall froze, plate in mid-air, and it took her a second to realise what she’d said.
’Sorry. I was talking about the eggs. Genuinely.’
‘No bother. I’ll wash these up while you get showered.’
Carli got up and brushed crumbs off her thighs, wishing she could brush away her words as easily. There were echoes in Niall’s expression of that uncertain boy who was never sure if what the teacher was going to say to him would be good or bad. And now she understood what her part was here.
‘Niall, listen…’
He stopped in his tracks, paying such attention that it unnerved her slightly. She wasn’t used to this captive an audience.
‘I’ve been hanging onto hurt for seventeen years,’ she said.
‘So much hurt, it has possibly…’ She was about to say made me physically sick, but that was not a discussion she wanted to have.
‘…Look, today can we hang out, have a nice day, maybe make some good memories and have some fun as Niall and Carli again?’
Niall breathed out so heavily that it was as if he’d been holding his breath since they’d broken up. ‘Really? I’d love to do that.’
‘Okay, good.’ Carli moved towards the tents to get her things for a shower. Start afresh for a new day, a new chapter.
‘Cass?’
Turning back, she was struck by the lines on Niall’s face and how tired and broken he appeared today.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
She lifted her lips into a gentle smile. ’No bother, Butler.’
‘I’ve not seen this place in two years,’ Niall said as they swung into the car park of his brother Nate’s animal sanctuary.
‘Back then, he was just starting out, giving up being a vet in the village and branching out on his own. It’s changed so much.
That bit there’ – Niall pointed to the largest building – ‘was an old farmhouse, and he’s converted all the outbuildings to animal housing units. ’
Walking towards the main building, they saw deer grazing behind a perimeter fence. As they walked over to the fence, some of the deer paid no heed to their visitors; a few others watched from a distance with soft, searching eyes.
‘Look at them,’ said Niall. ‘Is there a more beautiful animal? And they’ve all been nursed back to health here after some kind of accident or other.’
‘That makes them even more exquisite,’ said Carli. ‘Poor things. They’re too innocent for this world; it’s hard to imagine them being hurt.’
‘Aye, it’s sad, but with Nate’s centre there is a chance for them.’
Carli remembered a little of Nate from the old days and Niall had chatted enthusiastically about him in the car on the way to the sanctuary.
The youngest male of the Butler siblings, and triplet brother to Eilidh and Cara, he had been a quiet child.
That same trait shaped his adult existence as he eschewed large crowds or big friendship groups for a few beers with close friends and family and nights at home with his dogs and cats.
Like his siblings, Nate was a keen surfer and appreciated nature.
And he was passionate about wildlife and caring for animals.
Growing up, the family dog, a cocker spaniel called Mulligan, had always favoured Nate, and they had joked that his best mate was a dog, to which Nate’s reply had been: ‘And what’s wrong with that? ’
Nate was not only great with animals, he was skilled at winning people over and fighting for his cause, and nowhere was it more evident than in the burgeoning success of this animal shelter.
He’d received various grants to help him develop the place, preferring not to rely on financial aid from their father.
One thing Carli noticed about Nate was his diplomacy.
At no point, as they walked through the building, did he ask what was going on with the two of them or make jokes.
Sean or his sisters might have done this, but it wasn’t Nate’s style.
Possibly, he knew that all news would be delivered by the aforementioned siblings, or he could wait until the time was right.
‘I can show you some of the new arrivals if you like,’ said Nate.
‘We’ve a fawn that was found injured yesterday.
It was tough bringing her in, but she’s doing well now.
’ He led them down the corridor into the area where the fawn was being housed.
‘We only bring in deer in extreme cases. With fawns, their mother often leaves them alone for up to ten hours at a time, and if we touch them then the scent will lead the mother to abandon her child. But, with this one, we monitored the area and, tragically, we found the mother deceased nearby.’
‘Oh, no.’ Carli thought she might cry at the sight of the fawn. ‘That is so sad.’
‘Aye, it’s tragic, losing her mum at such a young age. But she’s a tough wee thing and we’ll care for her until she’s strong enough and equipped to go back into the wild.’ Nate stood back to let Carli and Niall see the fawn.
Carli stared, mesmerised, at the creature and blinked back tears. Niall, who must have realised the poignancy of Nate’s words, touched her arm. It was a sweet gesture.
‘She’s the loveliest.’ Carli spoke softly. ‘Does she have a name?’
‘Not yet. You could choose one, if you like.’
‘Well, that’s an honour. Thank you. How about Iona? I saw it on a map a few days. It has a calming, placid sound, like her.’
‘Iona it is. Would you like to meet some of the other animals? We’ve an abandoned bitch and some gorgeous pups that we’re going to be re-homing soon.’
‘Oh, my goodness. Yes, yes, show me them now.’
A short walk brought them to the canine annex where they found one full-grown, exhausted-looking German shepherd bitch and five pups with gorgeous black faces and floppy black and brown ears staring up at them.
‘Check out these guys.’ Niall leaned down as one pup came forward to sniff at his leg.
‘I think he likes you.’ Carli couldn’t help but think that the puppy reminded her of a younger Niall, full of curiosity and affection.
Niall picked up the pup and rubbed its head. ‘Hey, buddy, you are the cutest thing ever, aren’t you? Cancel my flight back to Oz. I’m staying here with my son.’
Nate laughed. ‘I’m sure he’d love that. He’ll need an energetic owner pretty soon, so if you decide to stay, then this guy could be yours.’
Niall held the pup up to his cheek. ‘You are the cutest. Isn’t he the cutest, Cass?’
Carli laughed. ‘Yep. Hard to say who’s cuter.’
‘Oh, it’s definitely the pup,’ threw in Nate. ‘But I’ve always found dogs cuter than my brothers. And cuter than some women as well, to be fair.’
‘You want to name him, too?’ Niall asked.
‘Can I?’ Carli looked to Nate for permission.
He nodded. ‘Of course.’
Carli stroked the pup’s head, and he looked up at her with soft, vulnerable eyes. ‘I’d like to call him Massimo,’ she said. ‘After my grandfather. He absolutely loved dogs.’
‘Aye,’ Niall agreed. ‘Hey, Massimo.’ He leaned his face to the dog’s. ‘You like your new name, don’t you? You’re the perfect Scottish-Italian German shepherd now.’
Niall put the pup down and let it go back to its siblings, and something warmed in Carli, seeing him like this.
A man who was kind to animals was a giant green flag.
But Nate’s words about Niall possibly staying in Scotland had hit Carli with a stark reminder that Niall wasn’t coming home to Australia.
Therefore, swimming close to his green flags could still mean getting carried out to sea by a current she didn’t have the skills to swim in.