Seventeen
SEVENTEEN
REV
The next morning, Hades, Racer and I head back to Belfast. The drive to the airport is filled with a sense of dread, but there’s also hope. I’m not running away. Instead, I’m facing up to my responsibilities, trying to find a way to balance the two worlds that mean so much to me.
Once we’ve landed, we pick up our bikes from the long-stay car park and head into the city. It immediately feels like I’m back home as the chaos of Belfast envelops me in its heavy cloak. The streets are bustling, and the air is filled with the sounds of car horns, distant laughter, and the occasional siren. It’s strange how you can leave a place, but it never really leaves you.
Riding our bikes through the narrow streets, the wind whips past me as we head towards the clubhouse. The familiar sights and sounds of the city are a stark contrast to the inner turmoil I feel. My mind is still stuck on the girl back in England, and the hours Hades and I spent questioning our father keep replaying in my head.
The clubhouse comes into view, its weathered exterior is familiar, calming some of the anxiety in my gut. The trees that form the backdrop to the garden are a welcome reminder of the summer days spent outside with the family I’ve found.
We park our bikes and head inside, the scent of leather, smoke, and beer hitting me as soon as I step through the door. The place is alive with laughter, banter, and the clinking of glasses. The rowdiness is comforting.
My brothers greet us with a mix of relief and concern. They’ve been holding things together while we’ve been absent, but there’s an unspoken understanding that they need us.
Hades and Racer both look over at me and offer me a nod, giving me permission to catch the rest of the brothers up on what we’ve found.
“There’s been a lot of shite going down in South Shields. The organisation Hades and I worked for when we were youngens was under attack.” There’s a slight Irish twang returning to my accent as I speak to them. “The leader, Shaun Hunt, had become increasingly unwell. He was bein’ poisoned in a way that wasn’t noticeable from a blood test.”
“And ye caught the cunt who was doin’ it?” Monster asks, his voice rough, filled with violence and anger.
“Aye,” I say with a nod. “It was the leader’s right-hand man, Gordon. He wanted ta take over the organisation. He thought if Shaun could no longer run the business, then he’d be asked to take over. He was put out when Shaun asked his daughter, Harley, instead.” Even mentioning her name makes my chest ache.
“Feckin’ hell,” Tye mumbles, shaking his head.
“Gordon wasn’t working alone,” I continue. A sick feeling twists in my gut, causing me to lean over and place my hands on the table. “He was workin’ with the Mod Boys, a rival gang,” I tell them.
“Oh?” This comes from Sully, who’s been listening intently.
I know he also had to make a choice between the club and his woman, and it’s all worked out for him.
“Aye,” I say then, looking at our President, Monster. “It was our da,” I say, waving a hand between my twin brother and myself.
The room falls silent, and I’m thankful no one speaks. I’m still reeling when I think about it.
“You never amounted to anything, either of you,” Dad gasps. “I always knew you wouldn’t. Becomin’ a fuckin’ priest, Hadrian. What the fuck is that all about? Then both of you end up joining a fuckin’ motorcycle club.” His dark stare flicks between my brother and me.
“You’re going to pay for your sins,” I tell him, trying to keep my voice steady. I don’t want him to see how much control he still has over me.
“Aye,” he spits out. “Let me pay, then.”
“Lads, I’m sorry ta hear that,” Monster says as he pushes to his feet. He rounds the table, and stopping in front of me, he gives me a one-armed hug and then offers one to Hades. “Nobody should have a da that’s a cunt like that.”
“Thank you,” we both say at the same time. But I continue, “There is more...”
I glance at Hades, and he offers my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. He knows why I’ve come back, and he respects my need to find a way through this.
“Go on,” Monster gestures.
I stand before my brothers, my family, and I lay it all out. I tell them of the love I have for Harley, the responsibility I feel towards the club, and the struggle I’m having reconciling the two.
“I met Harley when she was too young for us ta be together. I left her once. I broke her heart, and in the process, I feckin’ broke my own.”
My chest still tightens when I think about that day.
“We’re both older now, and we want to make it work between us, but I’m not sure how. That’s what I want to talk to you lads about. I don’t want to leave the club. It’s my home, and you’re my family, so I’m asking if you’ll allow me time to figure out a way to be with her, the woman I love, and still be a part of the Royal Bastards.”
There’s silence when I finish speaking, the weight of my words hanging in the air. Then Hades steps forward, his gaze steady. “Rev, you’ve always been there for us. I’m sure I speak for everyone here when I say that we won’t stand in the way of your happiness. If Harley’s the one for you, then we’ll find a way to make it work.”
His words are a balm to my soul. The other members nod in agreement, their support giving me the strength to believe that maybe, just maybe, we can find a way through this.
Monster takes my hand and shakes it. “I’m not one ta stand in the way of love,” he says. “We’ll figure this shite out. Don’t ye worry, lad, I’m not sendin’ ye packin’.”
As the days turn into weeks, I throw myself into my duties with the club, ensuring everything is running smoothly. But my thoughts constantly drift back to Harley and the life we want to build together, despite the distance between us.
Straddling the two worlds is a challenge that I haven’t been able to resolve, so after much deliberation, I decide to speak to Monster and ask his advice.
When I arrive at the clubhouse, I spot him sitting by the bar, his hulking frame unmistakable. He’s nursing a pint, his brows furrowed in thought. I make my way over, weaving through the crowd, and slide onto the stool next to him.
“Rev,” he says, looking up from his drink.
“Monster,” I reply, giving him a nod. We sit in silence for a while, the noise of the clubhouse providing a backdrop to our thoughts.
“You’ve got that look on yer face,” he says, breaking the silence. “The one that says ye’ve got a lot on yer mind.”
I let out a sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “Aye, you could say that.”
He takes a swig of his pint and gestures for the bartender to bring me one. “Talk ta me, mate. What’s eatin’ ye?”
I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “It’s Harley. I love her, Monster. I really do. But I’m torn. I don’t know how to make our relationship work without abandoning the club.”
He raises an eyebrow, his expression thoughtful. “That’s a tough one, Rev. The club is yer family. But so is she.”
I nod, taking a sip of the pint that’s been placed in front of me. “Exactly. I can’t imagine leaving the club. It’s been my life for so long. But Harley… she’s my everything. I love her.”
Monster leans back, considering my words. “Ye’re not the first lad to be torn between love and loyalty. Ye’ve got to ask yourself which is more important? The club will always be here for ye. I meant what I said, mate, I’m not goin’ta ask ye ta leave. But if ye let Harley go, ye might regret it fer the rest of yer life.”
I stare into my pint, the amber liquid swirling as I ponder his question. “Part of me thinks I can find a balance, but another part of me is scared I’ll end up letting both sides down.”
Monster claps a hand on my shoulder, his grip firm. “Look, Rev. The club’s important ta all of us, no doubt about that. But yer needs are important too. Ye’ve got to do what’s right for ye. If Harley’s the one, then ye owe it to yerself to try and make it work.”
“But how?” I ask, frustration creeping into my voice. “How do I balance both? She’s got her life in England, and I’ve got mine here.”
Monster takes another swig of his pint, his eyes thoughtful. “Maybe it’s not about balancin’ both perfectly. Maybe it’s about makin’ sacrifices and findin’ the best fit. Talk to the lads, to Sully. He had ta make the same kinda choice. It might surprise ye what they say. Talk ta Harley as well. Figure out what ye both want and see if there’s a way ta make it work.”
I nod slowly. “You’re right.”
He gives me a reassuring smile. “That’s the spirit. And remember, whatever happens, ye’ve got the club’s support. We’re family, Rev.”
I feel some of the weight lift off my shoulders, knowing I’ve still got Monster’s support.
I nod, feeling a renewed sense of determination. “Thanks, Monster. I appreciate it.”
He raises his pint in a toast. “To love, loyalty, and findin’ a way through the chaos.”
I raise my pint, clinking it against his. “To findin’ a way.”
As we drink, I can’t help but feel a bit lighter and a bit more hopeful. It’s not going to be easy, but with the support of the club and the determination to make it work with Harley, I know I can face whatever comes next.
The following days are a blur of conversations and planning. I talk to the club members, laying everything out. There is more love and support from each and every brother than I ever expected. Deep down, fear held me back from considering going back for Harley. But ultimately, they understand and support my decision.
Family is family, after all, whether by blood or by bond.
When I finally call Harley, my heart is pounding. “Hey, it’s me. We need to talk.”
“Hadrian,” she says, her voice soft but steady. “I’ve been thinking about things, too. Can you come over here? I’d rather discuss this face-to-face.”
“Absolutely,” I reply, relief flooding through me. “I’ll be back with you as soon as I can.”
As I hang up, I feel a sense of calm wash over me. It’s time to face this head-on, to find a way to make it work. For both of us. And with Monster’s advice and the club’s support, I know I can do it.
The drive and ferry crossing to England is long, but it gives me time to think and prepare for the conversation ahead.
When I finally pull up at Harley’s place, my nerves are on edge. But as soon as I see her, standing there with a hopeful smile, I know we can face anything together.
“Harley, I’ve missed you,” I tell her as I walk up and take her hands in mine. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us. About everything. I want to make this work. Whatever it takes.”
She smiles, tears glistening in her eyes. “Me too, Hadrian. We’ll find a way.”
As we stand there, holding each other, I know it’s true. We’ll make whatever sacrifices are necessary to balance our worlds. In the end, where love and loyalty exist, anything is possible.