Chapter 20
Twenty
THEO
I am hot. Too freaking hot.
Blinking away the sleep, I see that I am not in my room at my grandmother’s house.
Then it all comes flooding back.
I had sex with Colt and River.
I slept with two men.
I am no longer a twenty-eight-year-old nerdy virgin.
I was fucked into next week by a man who made me feel things I never thought I would.
Panic starts to rise in me as I look between both men. Sometime during the night, River moved and is now spooning me, and I am wedged between him and Colt. My skin is damp from sweat, and the heat radiating off them is like a furnace.
As I look back and forth taking them both in, my heart beats so fast in my chest I fear a heart attack, and the walls feel like they are closing in on me.
How could they want an unexperienced man like me? Fuck, they do not even know the real me.
I start to struggle to get air into my lungs and I know that I need to move fast before I wake them up. I need to go.
Slowly, I move their arms from around me, and I slip from the bed. By some Christmas miracle, they do not wake; if anything, River rolls closer to Colt.
They curl around each other and my heart stops. They look so good together.
Even in sleep they look happy and peaceful. Like they were made for each other.
How can I add to that? I bring nothing but anxiety and insecurity. Watching them, I feel like an outsider. Yet, I was part of a moment with them just a few hours ago.
The weight of my self-doubt presses down on me, making it hard to believe I deserve any place beside them.
Fuck, I was planning on leaving in a few weeks. What will they think of me, keeping this from them?
Dressing in my pants and sweater, I grip my tie and dress shirt in my fist, needing something to ground me. My feet go into my shoes, then I stop to look at them one last time.
After they find me gone, they’ll be hurt and pissed at me for running out on them, but I need to clear my head. They have both wanted each other for so long, why would I want to get in between that?
With one more glance at them, I leave the room, hoping the click of the door won’t wake them. Moving through a now silent house, the Christmas music and chatter are gone, but the lights remain, casting a fairy-like glow on each room I pass.
The quiet is almost surreal, amplifying the sound of my own footsteps as I make my way toward the front door, my heart feeling heavy with each step I take.
I need to clear my head, I repeat in my head over and over again to try and calm my racing heart.
This is for them and for me.
I open the front door and walk down the long driveway, the guard nodding to me as I get closer.
“Do you need me call you a car, Mr. Moran?”
“No thank you. The walk will do me good.”
“I am sure that Mr. Woods would prefer it if I got you a ride home.” He tries again, so I paint on a smile that I hope will convince him I am okay.
“Honestly, I am good. The wine has gone to my head a bit, so a walk in the cold air will help, but thank you.”
“Here, take this.” He hands me a woolen winter coat, and I dip my chin in thanks.
He nods and opens the gate for me. His radio crackles and I wonder if Colt has woken and asked him to hold me until he arrives, but nothing happens. I walk out, the street lit up by street lights.
Snow is on the ground, the lights making the street look magical.
Tucking my hands in the pockets of the coat, I start my walk home. It will take me less than thirty minutes to get home, but like I told the guard, I need the cold air to help me clear my head. I need to work out where I go from here.
The things I did tonight with Colt and River made my body come alive with need and lust—things that I have never felt before.
A wave of boldness washed over me, letting me know that it was okay to touch and to kiss when I felt like it. They welcomed my touches and my kisses.
No jealousy or permission was needed.
It was just the three of us and nothing and nobody else mattered.
So why the hell am I overthinking what they might want from me tomorrow? Checking my phone, I see that it is just past six in the morning, and they will wake up in a few hours.
My mind races through every possible scenario of what will happen when they wake up and I am gone.
What will my partners think of me being in a relationship with not one, but two, men? Hell, what the fuck will society think?
Just because you are a multi-millionaire does not mean that you can get away with shit. The law of society is still a thing that can fuck up your life.
I have seen what society can do to a person when private things are made public, whether they be true or not.
The press will have a fucking field day with me and my story. My friends will want to buy me out of the company, thanks to the bad press. They will have to if they want me gone, because believe me, I wrote that clause into the contract we all signed.
Oh shit. My chest constricts, my palms become sweaty.
Bending at the knees, I try to catch my breath as it becomes hard to breathe.
My mind is going a million miles a minute, racing through every possible outcome and worry, making it nearly impossible to calm down.
Anxiety knots in my stomach, tightening with every thought about the days ahead and how my world could change in an instant.
Stepping over to a bench that is covered in snow, I swipe a portion off and sit my ass down. The snow is soaking into my pants, but I welcome the cold. It helps distract me from the overwhelming worry that is running through me.
Picking up a handful of snow, I hold some in each palm, letting it numb my hands.
I sit still, watching the snow melt. It's a metaphor for life—how it can slowly slip away within seconds. Nothing in life is guaranteed. It can come and go just as quickly, and snow is the evidence of that.
The cold seeps into my bones and I shiver, my body strung tight from both tonight’s events and the winter frost.
Pulling the coat tightly around me, I start walking again. My grandmother will be tucked up in her warm bed and thankfully, I have my key. I made sure to collect my phone, wallet, and keys when I left.
Now that would have been an awkward wake-up call to Patty if I had forgotten my keys.
I shiver, and my teeth chatter, and no doubt my toes are turning blue, but I drudge on. I have no choice.
Images of Colt and River dart around my head like a bunch of elves on Christmas Eve.
My grandmother’s house comes into view, and I sigh in relief. My body aches from head to toe; plus, I am so freaking cold, it will take days to thaw out.
With a heavy grunt, I speed up my steps to get into the warmth of her home quicker, but I miss the patch of ice. Before I can blink, it happens so fast; my body is launched into the air, and I slam back onto the ground.
The wind is knocked out of me, my head cracking against the hard ground, then everything goes black.