Chapter 36 #2
His words have an immediate, powerful effect, as though a knife has been driven into my chest. I understand, though, that the pain is there because what he said is true.
Even for me, who saw a better side of Fabian Ashwell than my brothers, I know he never offered the unconditional love that Ben just described.
I, at least, had a mother who loved me that way, even if it was only for a brief time. Ben and Leo had none of it at all.
I’m in awe of him; my little brother, who had every reason to be broken, angry, and cold, now wholly committed to loving his wife and daughter in a way he never experienced himself.
Raking my hand through my hair, I let out a thin breath. “I’m sorry—so goddamn sorry. None of this was my intention, and I know the way I handled it was…”
“Poor?” Leo supplies dryly, speaking for the first time since we entered the room.
“I was going to go with fucking shit, actually,” Ben counters, casting a dark look toward me. “Christ, Dam. Did you actually believe we would hold it against you? As if either of us wouldn’t have opted out of this madness if we had the chance?”
Reeling, I sit back. “But Alice—”
Ben scoffs, waving this away. “Alice will be fine. She has the significant advantage of being raised by parents who love her and prioritize her mental health. If Zelda or I have concerns about her ability to handle it, then perhaps her younger brother or sister will be up to the task. If not, then…” He trails off with a shrug, as if to say, let it burn.
It takes a moment for the meaning of his words to fully sink in, and a quick glance at Leo confirms he is just as stunned by this development as I am. “Z is pregnant?” I demand, my heart expanding.
Smiling slightly, Ben nods. “We only found out a few days ago, so it’s still a secret for now, but yes. She’s due in August.”
The emotional whiplash I’ve experienced since entering this room is fairly insane.
Letting out a weak laugh, I get to my feet, and Leo and I take turns hugging Ben, congratulating him on the addition to their family.
“I understand why you’ve struggled with this,” Ben tells me at last, speaking slowly, as if he’s choosing his words with care.
“And I understand why you needed space to work through it. We never know the full impact of our choices, though, Dam. All we can do is our best with the information we have. And, with any luck, learn from our mistakes.”
“Christ, Dam, look what you’ve done,” Leo tells me, chuckling warmly, and breaking the sudden seriousness of the moment. “You’ve forced him to be wise.”
Ben, in turn, flips him off. “It’s called growth, you little twerp.”
To my intense embarrassment, I realize my eyes are burning once again. I fucking missed them.
“Will you be coming back to the palace, then?” Leo asks me, frowning. “Since you’ve finally learned to communicate?”
I hesitate. “To be honest, I’m not sure it’s the best idea.
I’ve learned it’s very difficult for me to be impartial or logical when it comes to the lives of people I love.
We can discuss it when things are a bit more stable.
Blair’s family situation is… complicated.
More complicated than ours, if you’ll believe it. ”
“I know enough about Porter to believe you,” Ben supplies grimly. “Is there anything I can do?”
“She’s important to me,” I explain, as somewhere out in the house, there is a muffled chorus of laughter.
“This isn’t something I can leave her to grapple with on her own, and I wouldn’t feel right, influencing her decision one way or another.
Especially when it may mean walking away from an insane amount of money.
Listen, I’ve cast a shadow on your birthday celebration enough. Let’s forget it for now.”
Leo claps my shoulder, his smile wide and unconcerned. “Leave it to you, Dam. Going into self-imposed exile and returning with a t-topless socialite. Quite the remarkable journey of self-discovery you’ve been on.”
I glare at him. “She’s fully clothed now, thank you. And it wasn’t entirely self-imposed.” I explain briefly about Araminta’s part in all this, and both my brothers look furious by the end.
“P-perhaps we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but in this instance—” Leo begins but is swiftly cut off by Ben.
“She’s a terrible human being and always has been.
Did you know, she has had every pet dog she’s ever owned stuffed after they passed, and kept them in storage to be buried with her?
Can you imagine the level of narcissism required for something like that?
” He shudders. “Well, at least we’re rid of her. Back to the party, then?”
While we’ve been away, everyone appears to have abandoned the table, and we find the group gathered in the sitting room. Most of them are clustered around a board game in the corner, but as my eyes search the space, they find Blair removed from the revelry.
My heart stalls, and for a long moment, I’m capable of nothing but staring.
She’s reclining on the couch, and Alice has fallen asleep on her chest, her tiny lips parted and back rising and falling steadily under Blair’s hand.
When Blair meets my eyes, she lifts her free hand to point at the baby, mouthing “look,” her entire face shining with delight.
Before I can cross to them, however, Zelda appears at my side. “So, is she going to end up Aunt Blair?” she asks quietly, eyes sparkling.
She will if I have anything to say about it.
“I hope everyone was on their best behavior,” I remark, glossing over the question. “Congratulations, by the way.”
“Oh, he told?” She grins. “Thank you. And yes, they were perfect, but I do think she can hold her own.” As if to illustrate this point, Sterling leans over the arm of the couch to touch Alice’s tiny fist, and Blair slaps his hand away with a pointed glare.
Z squeezes my arm. “By the way, no pressure, but I’ll kill you if you mess this up for me.
I’ve always wanted a cool sister-in-law. ”
She doesn’t need to worry about that.
Heart full to bursting, I leave Zelda’s side, crossing the room to take the empty place on the couch beside Blair.
“Isn’t she the prettiest baby you’ve ever seen?” Blair murmurs, her expression full of wonder as she gazes down at my niece. “Look at her tiny little ears. They’re just like regular ears, but in miniature.”
“Yes, I think you’ll find tiny human features quite common in eight-month-olds.” My words are dry, but I lean in nevertheless, kissing her shoulder.
Tearing her attention from Alice, Blair peeks over at me, a hint of worry in her expression. “How did it go?”
I consider this. “If I tell you it went well, are you going to be insufferably smug about it?”
“Oh, I definitely will. I like you and all, but a girl has to have some standards,” she replies promptly, and, not quite able to contain my affection for her, I drape my arm over her shoulders and shift closer to her and the baby.
“I suppose I’ll have to bear it, then,” I say, keeping my voice as quiet as possible. “It isn’t settled, not entirely, but I think it will take longer for me to forgive myself than it will for them.”
Blair’s look of ease slips, just a little. “Will you go back to Wyngate? Araminta is dead. You’ve cleared things up with your brother.”
“No,” I reply simply, running my fingers over the column of her neck. “No, I’m not going anywhere without you.” People are moving around the room, talking, laughing, living, but I’m wholly unable to look at anything or anyone but her.
Blair is looking back. “Even if I’m insufferably smug?” she teases, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.
“Yes,” I assure her, “even then.”
Movement registers in the corner of my eye, and reluctantly, I turn to find Ben standing over us. “I’m here for my child,” he informs Blair wryly. “If we don’t get her into her bed now, she’ll be there all night.”
“I don’t mind,” she assures him, a little pointedly. “Look at her, she’s so comfortable! Also, have you seen the tiny little ears? How cute are they?”
This argument holds little sway with my brother, but his smile is amused as he eases Alice into his arms, kissing the crown of her head when the whimpering begins.
Blair groans, leaning forward to watch them leave the room with Zelda. “Just a heads-up,” she informs me, once they’ve gone and she has slumped back, dejected. “If you’re serious about me, I’ve just now decided that I would like about ten of those.”
“Ten?” I scoff. “That seems excessive, love.”
“The ears, Damien. The ears.”
“Of course, I hadn’t taken the ears into account. My mistake.” Gathering her into my side, I sigh, recognizing that some of the heightened emotions of the past day have settled. Not just the recent stress about our upcoming visit, either. I haven’t been this relaxed in—fucking hell—months.
I feel Blair’s smile as she kisses the side of my neck, cuddling closer. “Hey,” she drops her voice to a whisper, “you’re not running and screaming.”
“Hmm, no. I suppose I’m not.”
“Aren’t guys supposed to run and scream when you tell them you want to have their babies?”
Superbly unconcerned by this sentiment, I turn to look at her. “I’m not a guy, love. I’m a grown man with a house, and money, and enough experience to know what I want in life. Which is to make you happy, in case I haven’t been clear enough on that already.”
A slow, radiant smile has spread across Blair’s face as I speak, until she is all but glowing. “I’m not going to lie, that was the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
I let out a bark of laughter and lean in to steal a brief, searing kiss from her, feeling my heart expanding as I do.
For the first time since I recognized my feelings for this woman, I’m not concerned about anything.
This is going to work.
I’ll make sure of it.