Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Mary ignores my very existence as I slink into the library. It’s the best response I could have asked for, and I keep my head low to avoid the gazes of the other wolves.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for as I slink down the first aisle on the left, and I quickly find myself in the fiction section. I find a spine that looks interesting, and my heart pound as I tuck it under my arm.
What are the odds that Mary refuses to let me read this? Will she take it away? There’s a small sitting area in the back corner of the library. I take refuge in it.
I tuck my knees against my chest and yank my shirt over them, bundling myself into a tight ball. I’m probably stretching out the fabric of my shirt, but I can buy myself a new one when I get paid through my direct deposit.
Working at the hospital is tiresome—more so than I imagined—but it’s worth it. For the first time in my life, I feel independent. I get paid next week. I’ll have worked for something. It feels good.
I find myself engrossed in my book within minutes, and I gnaw mindlessly at the inside of my cheek as I flip page after page.
“What are you doing?”
The sharp voice startles me. A bitter metallic taste fills my mouth as I accidentally bite my tongue, and I swallow around it as I meet Mary’s curious expression. She stands only a few feet away, her arms crossed over her chest.
I clear my throat. “What do you mean?”
Mary gestures to my huddled-up form. “Why are you reading here?”
I take my legs out of my shirt. “…You want to know why I read in the library?”
“Yes.”
“Because I like books?”
My answer comes out as a question, my confusion only growing. What else am I supposed to do in a library if not read?
“Obviously.” Mary sighs. “But why don’t you check them out?”
Check them out? What the fuck is she talking about? I’m not following.
Mary cocks her head to the side. “You do know that you can check out books and take them home with you, yeah? You can keep them for up to three weeks.”
Is that true? I had no idea. When Logan said he would take care of things with Mary, I took that to mean I wasn’t typically allowed to take the books home. I thought he was breaking the rules so he wouldn’t have to sit with me at that table any longer.
Mary’s chest expands, and I can practically see the annoyance radiating off her.
“How many books can I check out?” I ask.
“Ten at a time.”
I squeak. Ten? She must be lying.
“I have five at home,” I say.
Mary nods. “I’m aware, and I’m counting them toward your limit.”
Her pinched expression softens before quickly returning. She gestures for me to stand with a flick of her two fingers. “Come.”
I follow her to the front desk, trying hard not to look too visibly excited. This feels too good to be true, and I’m prepared for the moment my high crashes. There’s a catch. I know it’s coming.
“Do humans no longer have libraries?” Mary glances at me over her shoulder. “Are they different now?”
It’s a good question, one I don’t have an answer to. I know what libraries are, but I’ve never had the opportunity to learn how, exactly, they operate. This is the first one I’ve been to.
“I’m not sure,” I admit. “HPAW found me when I was seven. I was never permitted to leave the facility, so I’ve never been to a human library.”
Mary’s pace slows. It gives me time to catch up with her.
“Seven?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“And you never left the facility?”
“No.”
Mary frowns. “What about your parents?”
“HPAW told me they were killed by shifters,” I say. I hesitate, my throat tight, before forcing myself to continue. “Caleb… Alpha Knox looked into it for me. They’re indeed dead, but he believes it was HPAW’s doing.”
I believe him. I imagine HPAW didn’t want to deal with the trouble that came with kidnapping me, and the easiest way to prevent it was to kill the only people who would raise questions.
“What about school?” Mary asks.
I can’t help but laugh. “That wasn’t a luxury I was afforded. I had tutors, I suppose, but attending an actual school was out of the question.”
Mary steps behind her desk, quiet as she begins tapping at her computer. I shift my weight from one foot to the other, waiting and following her lead. Is she going to ask me questions? I’m not sure I’ll have the answers.
Several minutes pass before the computer beeps and a machine beside it begins making noises. It’s an unpleasant grinding sound, and it continues until a small card falls out of the front slot and lands in a basket.
“Give me your book,” Mary orders.
I clutch it to my chest. Why does she need my book?
For the first time, Mary cracks a smile. “I’m not going to take the book from you, Evelyn.”
She sounds genuine. I’m not sure if I believe it, but I don’t want to make a scene. I slide the book across the desk, my pulse racing as she scans the barcode on the back.
“Here.” She returns it to the desk, then sets the card she created on top of it.
“That’s your card. You need it to check out books.
You have three weeks, and you’ll be charged for each day you’re late.
I’m not above putting the balance on Alpha Knox’s account and putting a hold on yours if you don’t pay. ”
I stare at her, dumbfounded. “It’s this easy?”
Mary nods. “Yeah. Try not to fuck it up.”
I eye the sprawling rows of shelves in disbelief. Any of these books can be mine, for free, for three whole weeks?
Mary clears her throat, demanding my attention. “What did HPAW tell you about us?”
I wince. “Not very kind things.”
“Like what?”
Why does she care? “They said shifters are cruel, violent people who take pleasure in torturing and killing humans. I believed that by killing Caleb, I’d be saving the entire human population.”
My cheeks redden. I feel foolish saying it out loud, and even more so for having believed it so wholeheartedly.
Mary frowns, leaning back in her chair. For once, she doesn’t correct my improper use of Caleb’s name. “That’s a lot to put on a seven-year-old child.”
I shrug. She’s not wrong.
Multiple heads are turned toward me, the few shifters here not bothering to pretend they aren’t listening. They know I was a member of HPAW and tried to kill Caleb, but they have no idea why.
I want to explain myself. I was an impressionable child with no family, and I was lied to by grown adults who knew precisely how to manipulate me. I shouldn’t have done what I did, but there’s more to it than meets the eye.
My hatred of wolves was ingrained in me for years. HPAW made me believe that the entire human population depended on me, and I was just trying to do what I thought was right.
“Do you still think those things?” Mary asks.
“No,” I’m quick to say. “I don’t.”
Mary stares blankly at me, and I tap my fingers against the back cover of my book before nervously clearing my throat and gesturing to the door.
“I should get going.”
Mary doesn’t stop me. She doesn’t say anything as I leave, but I can feel her heavy stare on my back. What does she think? Does it change anything? Probably not, but it still feels good to have had the opportunity to explain myself.