Chapter 51
FIFTY-ONE
This isn’t what I came out here for.
I didn’t come out here to fight with her and I didn’t come out here to fuck her either.
I came out here to talk to her. To do what Conner is insisting I do.
I came out here to try.
Try to explain.
Try to make Millie listen to me.
I know that believing me is too much to ask. I know she’s never going to trust me—even if things hadn’t gotten so screwed up between us, I know she’ll never see me as anything more than her shitty cousin’s ex-hook-up and I know I don’t have anyone to blame for that but myself.
But I was going to try.
As soon as the auction started and people began moving toward their seats, Declan gave me the all clear with a don’t fuck it up, Mercer.
Peeling away from the herd, I cut across the room, aiming myself for the set of French doors I watched Millie walk through twenty minutes earlier.
She’s still out there. At one point, the man she came here with went looking for her.
The one who obviously has some kinda death wish because he won’t stop touching her.
I expected her to come inside with him, arm in arm, while he escorted her to the auction room.
Fully prepared to cause a scene and probably earn myself a felony, I was relieved and surprised when Millie’s date came back inside without her and continued into the auction room, alone.
Not willing to wait anymore, I practically shoulder checked him on my way past him, half hoping he’d say something shitty so I could justify throwing him through the fucking wall.
He’s either oblivious to who I am and the fact that I’ve been thinking about murdering him all night or he doesn’t consider me a threat because Millie’s mystery date barely spares me a glance and an excuse me when I barely miss clipping him on my way outside.
Standing on the empty terrace, I felt my gut drop into my shoes because she wasn’t there. Millie was gone but then I noticed the line of potted bushes lining the building’s wall. When I saw her coming out from behind them, I did that thing I do, every time I manage to get within ten feet of her.
I fucked it all up.
Suddenly, I didn’t care about making her listen to me and I didn’t want to explain shit.
The only thing I wanted was her. The only thing that mattered was making sure she understood that she belongs to me.
She was always going to want me. That she can hate me all she fucking wants but she was never going to get rid of me.
And then she went and looked up at me with those big hazel eyes of hers and said the one thing I can’t say no to.
Yes, please.
In that moment, I would’ve jumped off the building if Millie asked me to. Fucking her was a no-brainer.
That’s my problem. None of the decisions I make concerning Millie ever seem to involve my brain.
When I’m around her, I lose all sense of reason.
I get lost. Forget who I am, but no matter how stupid it was, it was okay because this time, Millie and I were lost together.
As long as I’m with her, I’m okay. And even though it kills me, it’s enough because being with her is all I’ve ever wanted.
When I looked up and saw flashes of Paige through the bushes I dragged Millie behind, I knew it was over.
That I’d be lucky if she didn’t start screaming at me to get away from her, long enough and loud enough, for someone to come and drag me away.
It’s what I expected—probably what I deserved—but instead, Millie kissed me.
Kept fucking me, her hips rolling and flexing against mine until I felt the tight walls of her pussy start to grip around me, her soft moans filling my mouth and I didn’t have a choice but to follow her over the edge.
Buried deep, my cock jerking and spasming inside her while I come, my phone goes off again, the short burst buzz of it signaling a text.
I know she feels it because the hands she has buried in my hair tighten and pull while she bites my tongue hard enough to hurt.
Groaning deep in my chest, I take it. Ready to let her rip me apart if that’s what she needs to do, I keep fucking her until her body finally goes limp and she tears her mouth away from mine.
“Put me down.” She whispers it and it occurs to me that she doesn’t want anyone to know what just happened. That she’s ashamed of herself. Of what we just did.
Of me.
“No.” Still inside her, I shake my head, unreasonably angry for some reason. So angry, I don’t lower my voice. So angry I want them to hear me. I want them all to come out here and see us together. “Not until you listen.”
“Dean…” She lets out a long, shaky breath, her eyes locked on mine. “Please.”
Goddamnit.
Relaxing my grip, I set Millie on her feet and pull out of her reluctantly.
Head bent, I put myself away and refasten my pants.
Hands moving quickly, I keep one eye on her, ready to lunge for her if she tries to run.
She doesn’t. She just stands there, braced against the wall, her dress still gathered in her hands, freshly fucked pussy exposed.
My cum smeared across her thighs, watching me with barely veiled hostility.
Dropping to my knees in front of her, it takes a small act of God to keep me from burying my face between her thighs and my tongue inside her.
“I came out here to talk to you,” I say, finding the loose leg of her underwear, I lift her high-heeled foot and feed it into the hole. “I want to—”
“Is that why you came out here?” Millie laughs. There’s no humor in it, the sound so dry and brittle it’s like an icepick in my ears.
“Yes.” Pulling her panties up, I stand. Pulling her skirt from her grip, I let it drop before settling my hands on her hips, frowning down at her. “I—”
“I don’t think we have time to talk,” she tells me, her smile as dry and brittle as her laugh. “Your date seems pretty intent on finding you.”
My date?
“What?” I feel my frown move into a scowl. “I don’t have a date. I’m not the one who—”
And then it hits me.
What she means.
What she must think.
“I’m not here with her,” I say quietly, hoping against hope that she believes me. “I came here alone.”
“Alone?” She shakes her head like she’s already heard enough. “It’s a twenty-five-thousand dollar donation just to walk through the door, so unless you’re working—which I know you’re not—how did you get in?”
“My fairy godmother.” I could explain it to her.
I could tell her that I know the Gilroys.
That they, for reasons I don’t understand, have decided to involve themselves in this whole mess.
I could but it would be a waste of time.
Millie made up her mind about me a long time ago.
Nothing I say now will make a difference.
“I saw you with her, Dean,” she tells me. “Again. I saw you with Paige. She was standing next to you. She had her hand—”
I know what she saw. She saw me waiting, impatiently, for Declan to give me the all clear to go after her.
Standing with him and Ryan O’Connell, talking, catching up, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.
I hadn’t seen Ryan since he was arrested when we were kids.
The judge gave him the choice—prison or the army.
Ryan chose the army and that was that. He never came back.
Now he’s married. Has kids of his own. He’d just introduced me to his wife, Grace when I felt Paige push her hand into the crook of my elbow.
I knew right away who it was and it took everything I had not to rip my arm out of her grip and start yelling.
I probably would have if not for the warning look Dec gave me, telling me to keep my shit together.
Of course Millie saw us together.
Of course she assumed Paige and I came here together. Why wouldn’t she?
“What was I supposed to do?” I ask, feeling the same way I always feel when I talk to her.
Desperate. Unsure. It’s not a feeling I’m used to.
One I’ve only ever felt with her. That same slippery slope I found myself on that night when we were alone in her room.
One that tells me I’m completely out of my depth with this woman.
Always have been. Always will be. “Your father’s security team has been breathing down my neck all night. If I—”
“Okay, Dean… okay.” She nods up at me, her hazel eyes going cloudy again. Not with indecision. With tired resignation. “Why are you here?”
“I‘m here to see you.” When I say it, I bark out a short, shitty laugh because it’s true.
Not just tonight. Every night. Every time I said yes to Paige it was because saying yes meant seeing Millie.
Even if all she did was ignore me. Even if all I did was irritate her enough to pick a fight.
I was still with her and as fucked up as that sounds, that was all the reason I needed.
“Well…” Lifting her hands, she drops them on top of mine but she doesn’t push. Doesn’t try to get away. “You saw me. Is there something else you wanted?”
Yes.
I want you to listen to me.
I want you to believe me.
I want you, Millie.
I want you.
“Yeah.” Nodding, I pull my hands off her hips before she has a chance to push me away. Lifting mine to my mouth, I make a show out of wiping the corner of it where she slapped me. “Make sure you ice that hand.”
Giving me another dry, brittle smile, Millie nods her head while she steps around me. “Good night, Dean.”
“G’night, Mills.” Numb, I mumble it at the wall.
Don’t let her leave.
Stop her.
For fucks sake. STOP HER.
I let her leave.
I don’t stop her.
I don’t even turn around.