19. Noelle
NOELLE
Ispend the time after Graham leaves just sitting there, staring at the wall. The silence he left behind is worse than his shouting. It fills the room like cold water, seeping into every corner until I can't breathe without tasting it.
Is this what I want for myself? Forever tied to a cutthroat world of deceit, fraud, and people threatening me to get their way? It makes sense why Yadira wanted no part of it after college. She saw the rot early and walked away clean. I dove in headfirst and let it swallow me whole.
And even after just speaking to Edward, and he slipped in his meeting the board, I have even less conviction to stay. If anything, it's had the opposite effect. I'm suddenly filled with a burning desire to be anywhere but here.
Maybe it's Whitmore Holdings having enough holes in it to be considered swiss cheese that is scaring me off. Maybe I'm finally zooming out to look at the bigger picture and process things more wholly, and that's shown me just how horrendous my life has turned out in the span of several months.
Not to mention, I've now been with two brothers. If the tables were turned, that's a downright disgusting man. But I don't blame myself for that. What's eating at me is the slow, creeping realization that I might actually have feelings for him.
Maybe it's that he's the polar opposite of his brother in all the right ways. Or I've finally grown up and come out from Graham's shadow long enough to see the light that I deserve better.
Even then, how can I be sure this isn't a ploy by Edward to achieve some sick, twisted goal?
The whole dynamic between all three Whitmore men is weird at best, toxic at worst. Thaddeus dotes on one son at the expense of the other.
Graham and Edward do not have the best sibling relationship on account of the former being a royal pain in the ass.
So, what if I am Edward's way of getting back at his brother for hogging their father's attention?
I'm a girl fresh out of a relationship and money.
He swoops in with a job and a shot at righteous vengeance.
And along the way, he takes a further pound of flesh by claiming what used to be his brother's.
These thoughts are driving me barmy. Round and round they go, each lap more exhausting than the last. Even then, they do not dampen my desire to be anywhere but near the Whitmores right now.
I jump to my feet, open my purse, and start clearing out my desk.
"He's visiting you at home, now?" Yadira enters my room and stands arms akimbo.
I look away from the movie playing on my laptop. "What are you talking about?"
"Edward is at the door."
"What?" I frown and jump out from under the covers of my bed. "Why?"
"That's for you to sort out, babe." Yadira starts to shut the door behind her. "I didn't ask."
I slip into a pair of shorts and a crop top sitting on the backrest of the only chair in the room.
My heart is racing. I exit the room and make a beeline for the front door, my bare feet cold against the floorboards.
When I open it, Edward is standing there in a brown outdoor coat, a bottle of wine in his hand.
The evening light catches the grey in his eyes.
"May I come in?"
I hesitate, wedging myself between the gap in the door. "How did you find me?"
"Esther told me you'd cleaned out your desk. I asked for the address on your file."
Of course he did. I gnaw on the inside of my cheek, then step aside and let him in. He waits for me to lock the door, then follows me into the dining room, where we sit across from each other at the table.
"Glasses?" He sets the wine down.
I leave and return with two freshly rinsed glasses and a corkscrew. He opens the bottle with a satisfying pop, pours some into the glasses, and slides one toward me. We both swirl the burgundy liquid, smell, and take a sip.
"Good wine," I remark, tilting the glass away from myself slightly to observe the liquid more closely.
He grunts his agreement, then stands to take off his coat and place it on the back of his seat. When he sits again, he asks, "Why did you leave?"
I set down my glass, tracing the rim with my finger. "I don't want to talk about it."
"You don't have to." His voice is gentle in a way I'm still not used to. "But I'd love to know."
A companionable silence sits between us. I take another sip of wine, and the words start to come, slow at first, then faster.
"Do you ever feel like you're drowning in it?" I ask.
"Drowning in what?"
"The industry. The backstabbing. The fraud. All of it." I set my glass down and meet his eyes. "I look at my life the past few months and I don't recognize it anymore. I went from being a respected financial analyst to a woman who's been with two brothers while trying to take down one of them."
Edward doesn't flinch. "That's an oversimplification. It's made better by nuance."
"Is it?" I laugh, but there's no humour in it. "I used to think I was above this. Above the mess. But I'm swimming in dirty water, Edward. And I'm scared I'll wake up one day and not recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror."
"You walked away from Graham. You exposed him. That's not the act of someone lost."
"I walked away from Graham because he cheated on me with my assistant and fired me. The exposing him part came later, and half of that was your idea." I swirl the wine in my glass. "What if I'm not the good guy here? Or any guy at all. What if I'm just a piece on a board you've been moving around?"
His brow furrows. "Is that what you think?"
"I don't know what to think. I was with your brother for years.
I loved him. Or I thought I did. And now I'm sitting here, drinking wine with you, and I can't stop wondering if this is just some elaborate way for you to get back at him by having the girl he lost. The one thing he can't have anymore. "
"That's not what this is."
"Then tell me what it is."
Edward sets his glass down and leans forward, his arms folded on the table.
"It started as a job. You had skills I needed, and you had a grudge that aligned with my plans.
That's all it was in the beginning. But then I got to know you.
The way you think. The way you fight. The way you walked into that boardroom and tore Graham apart with nothing but the truth.
" He pauses. "I wasn't looking for this.
I didn't plan it. But somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing you as an asset and started seeing you as a woman I couldn't stop thinking about. "
I study his face for any sign of deception and find none. "You could be lying."
"I could be. But I'm not."
"That's exactly what a liar would say."
A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "You're impossible."
"I've been told."
He chuckles and changes the subject. tells me about his father's apology. “My father finally acknowledged his preferential treatment of Graham today. He apologised, too.” He exhales. “I expected?—”
“Cathrasis?” I finish for him.
“Yeah.” He nods. “It turned out my satisfaction was never tied to making my father see the errors of his ways. I never want to carry that weight ever again. Not for anyone."
I let him have a moment before I speak again. "Just because you turned a corner with your father and confessed your feelings doesn't prove that my fears aren't real.”
He takes another sip of his wine. "You're right. There's no guarantee our fears won't come true at some point. But it matters what we do in the time before that happens."
He sets down his glass and reaches forward across the table to capture my hands in his. His palms feel warm. "The board wants to offer you the CFO role. It's yours only if you want it."
My mouth falls open.
CFO? The job I never dared to dream about when I was buried in Graham's shadow, even though I did all the work.
"I have a follow-up question to that."
"Go on." I swallow. What could be more surprising than this job offer?
He squeezes my hands. His thumb traces a slow circle over my knuckle. "I know it's too soon. But will you do me the honour of being my girlfriend and CFO?"
The wanderlust is still there. His words haven't made my fears miraculously disappear, either. But sitting here, with his hands wrapped around mine, I realize I don't want to run from this. Not yet. Maybe not ever.