Chapter 8
THE PAIN WAS WORTH IT
PATIENCE
“Remind me how this will help us pass the summer program.” I frown, staring up at the Twisted Roses Tattoo sign.
The O in Roses is the shape of one, with neon petals trailing down the side of the brick building.
Kole holds the door to the tattoo shop open for us while Violet frowns. “This has nothing to do with the summer program. It’s about having a life.”
“Since when do you care about that?” I grumble, walking into the tattoo parlor with Violet at my side.
The smell of lavender and incense floods my nose as I step inside. Kole walks over to the front desk while Violet and I linger in the lobby, stopping beside a wall covered in magazine cutouts of eyes.
Twisted Roses Tattoo is known for inking celebrities, and from what Violet told me, it’s nearly impossible to get an appointment. But there was a last-minute cancellation, so Violet and Kole were able to get on their schedule.
“Is your issue with me having a life, or with me having a life with Kole?” Violet faces me.
“This isn’t about Kole.” The eyes on the wall stare back at me like they know I’m lying. “But you’ve never mentioned wanting a tattoo.”
“Things change.” Violet shrugs. “There’s a first time for everything.”
She says it nonchalantly. Like marking her body permanently means nothing. She doesn’t consider that she’s only twenty and going to spend her life living with the ink, even if her feelings on it change.
Scanning the shop, I try to remind myself that Violet’s tattoo isn’t the same as my scars. This is her choice. A marking that means something to her, so I shouldn’t judge.
Still, it’s hard to understand when I live with physical reminders carved into my own flesh.
“Well, count me out.” I swallow at the lump in my throat.
“Don’t worry, Patience. I never considered you’d get one.” Violet rolls her eyes. “Why did you join us if you don’t want to be here?”
“I didn’t say I don’t want to be here.” But even as I say it, my nose scrunches when I pause at another wall, taking in the decor and feeling even more out of place.
The wall is covered in random items. A ribcage with flowers hangs beside a box of pinned butterflies. There’s no rhyme or reason unless the point is to creep people out. I’ve never understood why people voluntarily surround themselves with death.
Violet turns to face me with her arms crossed over her chest. She drops her chin and narrows her eyes.
My shoulders deflate. “I’m sorry. I want to be here. I want to spend some time together this summer. Even if Kole is with us.”
Her sigh is filled with disappointment, but that’s the most I can offer.
I do want to spend time with Violet. It’s rare that we do anything together in Bristal that doesn’t involve studying or crossing paths in the dorm room.
Even if Kole will be around all summer, I want to find a way to be a better friend to her.
“What are you guys getting tattooed anyway?” I try to veer the conversation, and Violet’s shoulders loosen.
“Promise you won’t judge?”
“Do I need to?” My eyebrows pinch.
Violet breathes out a laugh, pulling up a picture on her phone and turning the screen to me. “The top one is mine; the bottom one is his.”
Hers is the word Saint written in calligraphy with rose petals falling from it. They remind me of the neon petals on the tattoo parlor sign. Kole’s tattoo is simple, just Violet’s name written in sharp lettering. It’s not surprising given he seems to the point when it comes to her.
“Saint?” I hitch an eyebrow, glancing at her.
She bites her lower lip. “It’s just this thing…”
“Got it.” I nod sharply. “I don’t need to know anymore.”
Violet laughs, sliding her phone back into her pocket. “I’m getting it on my hip. It will be small.”
“Where’s Kole getting his?”
Her cheeks warm, and her gaze darts to Kole, standing at the front counter across the lobby. “Somewhere… lower.”
My eyes widen as I realize what she’s saying. “Seriously? He’s getting his you know what tattooed.”
“His dick?” Violet rolls his eyes. “You can say the word without bursting into flames. But no, not that. Just lower than mine. I’ll be the only one who sees it.”
“Well, that reinforces my decision to wait out here.”
“Understandable.” Violet smiles. “I’m going to check on him.”
I nod, and Violet crosses the lobby toward Kole. He’s looking at something in the case, but like he senses her whenever she’s near, his arm lifts the second she’s within reach, and he pulls her to his side.
Violet falls into conversation with the black-haired girl at the front desk, and I continue to scan the walls until I finally decide to get comfortable on the couch in the waiting area.
This is a waste of time. I could be at the library studying or working on my research paper right now.
I almost turned Violet down when she offered for me to join her today, but then Mila’s voice popped into the back of my head, and I made the decision I know she would have wanted me to make. The point of this summer is to live my own life.
Live.
Not hide.
So even if that means wasting an afternoon supporting my friend making reckless decisions by inking her skin permanently, I’ll be here.
After a few minutes, a man emerges from the back. He’s covered in tattoos, and from the way he plants an inappropriate kiss on the dark-haired girl working the front desk, they must be dating.
Violet offers a final wave as she and Kole follow the tattooed man into the back, and then it’s just me listening to music that makes me want to rip my ears off in the uncomfortable lobby.
I pull out my phone, and like Mila sensed my boredom, a text from her pops through.
Mila
You better be having a life for both of us this summer because Bristal is empty.
Patience
Empty sounds perfect.
Mila
You can’t see my face right now, but I’m rolling my eyes at that comment.
Patience
Noted.
Mila
How is living with Vi and the boyfriend? Are you playing nice?
Patience
When am I not?
Mila
Very funny.
Patience
It’s fine.
Mila
Say it with a bit more enthusiasm, and I might believe you.
Patience
It’s a text message. What do you want? Exclamation points? Emojis?
Mila
Yes, please, send me all the emojis. That would be very you, Patience.
Just because she’s being facetious, I send her a series of faces and hearts, earning me a laughing reaction.
Patience
How is my brother?
Mila
Fine.
Patience
Fine? That’s all?
Mila
You could text him…
Patience
Like he’ll tell me how he’s actually doing.
Mila
What makes you think he’ll tell me?
Patience
Just keep an eye on him for me, please.
Mila
Will do. How is the professor?
Patience
Why does every conversation circle back to him? You don’t even know what he looks like?
Mila
First of all, the whole point of me starting this conversation was to eventually circle around to him. Second, Violet did the group chat a favor and sent us a picture.
Patience
I didn’t see that in the group chat.
Mila
Different chat with just me, Teal, and Violet. Where the sole purpose is to discuss why you should definitely screw the hot professor.
Patience
That’s not happening.
Mila
Not even after you sat on his lap on the plane?
Patience
FELL into his lap on the plane. And how much has Violet told you exactly?
Mila
Enough to know you have the perfect excuse to let a little tension out of your system this summer.
Patience
I’ll take your advice under advisement.
Mila
No you won’t. But you should.
I send her an eyeroll emoji, and she sends a line of flame emoji and books, which feels like the perfect way to end the conversation, so I tuck my phone away.
“Not getting one yourself?” A voice makes me jump, and I look up to see the dark-haired girl who works the counter standing over me.
I shake my head. “Tattoos aren’t my thing.”
“I get that.” She drops down onto the couch. “I’ve only got a couple myself.”
I almost tell her it’s not the same when I don’t want any at all, but I offer a tense smile and let it go.
“Your friends said you’re in town for the summer studying.” The girl continues talking, not taking the hint that I’m not here to have a conversation.
“Criminal psychology.”
“Creepy.” She smiles. “I’m Lyla, by the way.”
“Patience.”
She smiles bigger, her eyes brightening. They’re a shade of purple I’ve never seen in eyes before.
“So you work here?” I don’t actually care, but she won’t stop staring at me. “Do you like it?”
“My husband, Sage, is one of the owners. I tag along when he’s working.”
Her husband?
I’m not used to marriage looking like it did when they kissed each other as if they meant it.
My parents always treated it more like a political front than anything else.
While my father occasionally tried to be affectionate with my mother, it was rare that she reciprocated.
Oftentimes, she would quickly pull away, or even go as far as to cringe when he held her too long.
“Interesting.” Lyla leans back, watching me.
“What’s interesting?”
Her smile falls, and her eyebrows pinch. “I just get this sense about people. Wherever you went just now was dark.”
“I was thinking about my family.” I don’t know what compels me to tell her that, but I do. “Can you read minds or something?”
“Not exactly.” She laughs, but it’s soft. “Some people just carry around more than others. I’ve always had a sense for it.”
“I’m not carrying anything around,” I lie.
“Of course not.” She winks, and her agreement is more unsettling than if she’d argued with me.
“It was nice to meet you, Patience.” She smiles, pushing to stand when a couple of bikers walk in. “And don’t worry, it’ll be okay. Everything happens for a reason.”
She doesn’t know me or what I’ve been through. She’s a stranger who has no concept of what I’ve experienced. But for some reason, I want to believe her.
I want her to have actually seen my truth in my eyes, and I want her to be right that I’ll survive it.