Chapter 11 ObligationLove
OBLIGATION OR LOVE
PATIENCE
Violet rubs her eyes with the heels of her hands. “Oh my god, this is grueling. Who decided it would be a good idea to spend our summer studying?”
“You did.”
She drops her hands. “So did you. Why don’t you look frustrated? Did he actually like your thesis?”
“I don’t think Professor Gray is capable of liking anything.” I spin my computer around so she can see the markup he did on the rough draft of my research paper.
“That’s a lot of red.”
“At least he’s not scoring us on this yet.” That’s what I keep telling myself.
I’m not a failure yet. Simply standing at the edge of the cliff and trying not to fall.
“You’re right.” Violet rolls her shoulders back, and at least my words are convincing to one of us. “We have plenty of time to sort this out. I just have to fix a few things.”
Her eyebrows scrunch, her fingers hovering over the keys.
“For a second, I believed that worked.” I cock an eyebrow.
“I don’t know how I even got into this program.” Her shoulders sink. “If he doesn’t like this, what did he think of the essay I turned in with my application?”
“I’m sure it was fine. At least, better than mine.”
“Why do you say that?” Her face scrunches.
There’s no way to answer her question directly without having to tell her about my run-in with Professor Gray last week.
It’s been hard enough keeping my distance from him without throwing up red flags, but if she finds out about our conversation in the corner of the library, she’ll think more of it.
“No specific reason.” I try to brush it off. “You’re a better writer than me. That’s all.”
“I am not.” She rolls her eyes. “And even if that were the case, you’ve been racking up the points in classroom participation.”
I cringe with the reminder. I might be avoiding Professor Gray outside of class, but that hasn’t made it any easier to hold my tongue during lectures. It’s like I’m programmed to argue with that man. No matter what subject we’re discussing, I find myself challenging him.
“I doubt my participation is winning me any points.”
“I don’t know…” Violet’s smile turns devious. “You sure do fluster him.”
“More like irritate him.”
“It’s a fine line.” She winks, and thankfully, my phone pings, giving me an excuse not to respond.
My friends still bring up Professor Gray, but not as frequently, so I’m trying to keep it that way.
Frowning, I read the text from my mom.
“Your parents?” Violet guesses.
“How’d you guess that?” I groan as I respond to Mom’s continued text rant about how she doesn’t understand why my friend would be stopping by the house with my brother.
Honestly, I have no idea. When I asked Mila to do me a favor last week and drop off the books I was supposed to bring back before I left town, I didn’t think Alex would join her.
It doesn’t make sense why they’d be hanging out, unless Mila’s really taking my request that seriously to look after him while I’m away for the summer.
She always has been a better friend to me than I’ve been to her.
“Mom’s pissed that Alex was hanging out with Mila.”
“What do you mean hanging out?”
I shrug. “She’s keeping tabs. You know Mila’s always at Sigma House anyway.”
“Right.” Violet’s eyebrows pinch. “Why would your mom care?”
“Because Mrs. Holier-Than-Thou doesn’t approve of anyone when it comes to my brother. She and my father have had his future-bride picked out since we were kids.”
“Who?”
“Do you know Chastity Rencutt? Red hair. Junior this year.”
Violet bites the inside of her lip, thinking. “The girl in Teal’s art program.”
“Mm-hmm.” I nod. “That’s the one.”
“Does your brother know about his arranged marriage?”
“He knows it won’t actually happen. Chastity has been with her boyfriend since high school, and her parents have been trying to expand into the oil sector, so they’ll approve of her marrying her boyfriend to advance that. His family can help.”
Violet frowns, watching me.
“What?”
“You make it all sound so political.”
“It is.” I shrug. “Another reason in a long list that Sigma House is the worst. Your decisions aren’t your own. Your relationships aren’t your own. Nothing is your own.”
Her gaze moves across the courtyard on campus to where Kole has just pulled up in his car. “I wonder if Kole’s family has someone they had picked out for him.”
“If they did, that plan probably died with his father.” I watch Kole climb out of the car. “His stepfather’s interests don’t seem to go beyond law enforcement, and he already has his hooks in that part of Bristal.”
I shiver thinking about what it would mean if that weren’t the case.
While my family is ruthless and power hungry, Kole’s stepfather is another kind of monster.
One, in ways, who is far worse, as indicated by the scar that starts at Kole’s temple and goes down the side of his face.
Not many people know how he got it. I only do because Alex used to tell me everything.
“What about you?” Violet asks, turning her attention back to me as Kole starts to cross the parking lot. “Did your parents pick out anyone for you to marry?”
My stomach starts to turn. “Not exactly. My mom had ideas, but it didn’t pan out.”
“So there was someone?”
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “It fell through.”
A shiver runs down my spine. While Alex was encouraged to live his life, enroll in college, and enjoy the perks of Sigma House for as long as he wanted before settling down, they had a different vision for me.
Mom wanted me wed at eighteen. At least then I’d have worth. Then I would no longer be her problem.
Except the only way to marry at eighteen is for arrangements to start much sooner.
Much younger.
If it weren’t for my brother sacrificing everything for me, they might have gotten that wish.
Guilt sweeps through me for resenting him when Mom has always been right. I’m my brother’s downfall.
“You really do come from a wild upbringing.” Violet’s lips purse. “I can’t imagine.”
“That’s for the best.”
She has a mom who checks in because she cares. Who talks to her about how she’s doing and not just what events she’ll attend or how she can help advance her family.
Her mom couldn’t be more different from mine.
Violet glances up, and I see Kole has stopped in the parking lot to talk to Professor Gray. Maybe they’re catching up on the lecture Kole attended in Bristal, although I doubt Professor Gray would remember one student. It’s a strange sight, especially when Kole says something and they both chuckle.
I’ve never seen Kole the slightest bit amused, but it’s impossible to focus on that when Professor Gray’s smile makes my whole chest tight.
Watching him, I can’t decide what’s worse, an arranged marriage or this feeling creeping around inside me.
Obligation or love.
I suppose they both have their risks. The question is, what could I really handle?