Chapter 23 I Followed My Heart
I FOLLOWED MY HEART
PATIENCE
“I’ve never seen you smile so much when studying.” Violet cocks an eyebrow, watching me across the table.
It’s a warm day, but in the shade, and with a slight breeze, the courtyard is a welcome relief from sitting inside.
“I’m feeling better about my research paper.” I keep my attention on my laptop screen, trying to bury my smile.
“Mm-hmm,” she hums. “I can see that. And it has nothing to do with the fact that you didn’t come back to the apartment last night? Don’t try to tell me you stayed in Bristal. Mila already confirmed you were headed to the airport last time she saw you.”
“You guys are keeping tabs on me now?”
“Don’t pretend to be offended to get out of answering the question.” Violet reaches across the table and slaps my laptop shut.
I spear her with a glare. “I was studying.”
“Studying what? Human anatomy?” She grins. “You can’t lie to me about this, Patience. Your cheeks are turning bright red.”
My hands fly to them, giving myself away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine.” She shakes her head, crossing her arms in front of her on the table. “But at least tell me you had a good time.”
Good doesn’t even begin to describe last night with Jacob. It was an out-of-body experience. After I got past the initial sting, it was everything—more than I could have imagined. Jacob was patient with me when I needed. He was reassuring.
And when I finally felt comfortable and asked him to let loose on me, he had no problem fucking me exactly like I needed him to.
My body still aches from how he bent and twisted me around.
Jutting my chin up, I feel fire rushing to my cheeks. “I had a good evening. That’s all I’m going to say about it.”
“You are no fun.” She laughs. “But I’ll take it.”
I open my laptop again, thankful it saved the sentence I was writing. “How was Mila when you talked to her this morning?”
I meant to call her this morning to see how she’s handling the aftermath of an evening at my parents’ house, but when I woke up, Jacob buried his face between my legs and distracted me until it was time to meet up with Violet.
“She seemed fine. Why? Did something happen when you were in Bristal?” Her eyebrows pinch.
“Just dinner at my parents’ house.” I shake my head. “My brother decided it would be a good idea to bring her. That went as well as should be expected when dealing with my parents.”
“So it’s true that Mila and Alex are dating?”
“I don’t know what they’re labeling it, especially after last night. But he definitely likes her.” I frown.
“Does that bother you?” Violet’s eyebrows pinch. “I doubt Mila would pursue it unless she was serious about it. She wouldn’t risk her friendship with you for a fling.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.” I glance at Kole, who’s standing at a distance, talking on the phone like he has been for the past fifteen minutes. “Mila dating Marco was one thing. It was never going to go anywhere. But she cares about my brother, and he comes with a lot. They all do.”
Violet follows my gaze to Kole. “I get that. And I understand why you might be worried. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that you can make a lot of choices in life, but you can’t choose who you love. You fall for who you fall for. There’s nothing you can do to fight it when it’s right.”
Or wrong.
Because I’ve been fighting my feelings for Jacob, and I have plenty of reasons to stay away from him, but I can’t. Even if he might not feel the same.
What if now that he’s had me, the forbidden excitement has dulled, and he moves on? I drop my attention to my research paper, trying to ignore that thought.
“Well, Mila sounded good when I talked to her,” Violet says, not seeming to notice the concern that just swept through me. “And I saw Alex sitting on the couch in the background during the call, so clearly they’re still on good enough terms to be in the same room together.”
“He was?” My voice pitches; relief sweeps through me.
There’s something reassuring about them working through it. Maybe it’s even proof that the most difficult people can be loved. If Mila can see past Alex’s baggage, could someone see past mine?
Violet nods. “I’m sure they’re fine.”
“Good.” I sigh, focusing on my paper again. “How is your final report coming along?”
“I’m finally feeling better about it.”
“Same.” My fingers fly across the keys, and I feel lighter now that this research paper is nearly done. “I think I finally feel good about my points on the Irsite case, even if there are holes in the report.”
“Professor Gray withheld something from the documents he gave us, right?”
“Definitely. I think this entire assignment is a trick to see if we can figure out what it is.”
“How fun for us.” She rolls her eyes. “Either way, I think you have a good shot at landing the interview.”
“Your paper makes way more sense. I’m running on intuition and hunches.”
“There are facts in there.”
“I think you’re confusing facts with wildly outrageous guesses.” I sigh.
“I stand by my statement.” Violet’s attention drifts as Kole starts to walk back over to us. “Looks like he’s done. We’re going to grab lunch after I turn my paper in. Want to join us?”
“I was going to spend some time at the library.”
She frowns but doesn’t argue. I never join them, which is why I’m surprised she still bothers to offer.
When Kole reaches the table, he helps gather her things, wrapping her under his arm as she waves goodbye. A pang of guilt runs through me at how I’m always setting myself on the outside. At first, it was to avoid Kole, but now it’s only creating distance between me and my friends.
“Hey, Violet,” I call out to her as they start to walk away.
She pauses, glancing over her shoulder.
“I think I’m hungry after all.” I slap my laptop closed and stand.
I’ve spent so long stuck in one spot, not moving. Scared what it would mean if I did the wrong thing or let my guard down. But last night, that’s exactly what I did. I followed my heart, and I survived.
So even if I’m going to be eating lunch with Kole, at least I’m doing something. I’m moving forward, and I’m living my life.