22. Val
Val
Frustrated doesn’t begin to describe my state two days later when I’m still waiting to hear back from Marcus.
Rather than explain what’s going on to Kelly, who’s been left in charge of the guards, I leave a message saying I need to speak to my Alpha Anax immediately.
Whatever is happening in Amsterdam must be bad.
Added to the frustration of waiting to talk to Marcus is the fact that Ryder disappeared sometime before I claimed Harley.
We don’t discover that until after we’ve dozed a little longer and finally gotten up.
Harley is just short of devastated by his brother sneaking off, and on top of that he’s worried about the HIV test he’s still waiting on the results for.
I’m going to kick Ryder’s ass for hurting Harley, and I’m staying with Harley no matter what the test results are.
And the final straw making me want to put my fist through a wall is the certainty that we’re being watched, and not by Ryder.
Or not just by Ryder, because the sensation is different.
The threat is still there whenever I feel eyes on me.
Ryder isn’t my biggest fan, but I don’t believe he’s trying to visually annihilate me.
“Your pacing is wearing me out.”
I turn around again and run a hand through my hair.
“I can’t help it. I feel like we’re trapped, or about to be.
I can’t get hold of Marcus, and I don’t know who to ask for help.
Nathan and Marcus both wanted as few people as possible to know what was going on here.
They were concerned, and rightfully so, I believe, about other shifters coming after you. ”
Harley walks over and pulls a drape aside to look out the window. “And if they knew I was your mate, would they leave me alone then?”
“Probably,” I admit. “I mean, every shifter knows mates won’t hurt each other. Therefore, it’d stand to reason that you wouldn’t expose us because that would definitely hurt us.”
Harley rubs the silky material between his thumb and two fingers, and I find myself thinking about the way his hands feel on my skin. Hot, strong, delicate, perfect—
“If I were to become a shifter, then they’d have to leave me alone, wouldn’t they?”
I sigh and move over to join him at the window.
“Shifters are weird, I guess. We don’t live in fear of exposure, but we are aware of the dangers of it.
Some of us are rational beings, others seem more wild beast, or more mad beast, maybe, than not.
Everyone is supposed to follow Marcus’ laws, but like with the President of the United States, not everyone agrees and there can be a lot of fighting.
The difference, of course, is those fights are often to the death.
Shifter punishment is harsh, a human court wouldn’t tolerate it, but it’s our way, and therefore, maybe, we are a more violent breed than humans.
” I shake my head. “Did any of that answer your question?”
“In a way,” Harley says after laughing softly.
“I think maybe shifters aren’t so different from humans in temperament, more like in strength, and of course, being part wolf, that would make you different.
Law of the wild and all that. What’s it like, being a shifter? Sharing your body with another being?”
“It’s all I’ve ever known,” I begin, only to stop and scrub at my scarred temple. “Well, almost all. Even now, I can feel my wolf in me, but it’s like...like when we are in bed together, and I can feel that you’re beside me even when I’m sleeping. I know you’re there.”
Harley nods and gestures for me to continue.
“Okay, well, it’s just another part of me, like an arm or leg or heart, even, because I’m not sure I could live without my wolf.
I don’t think that’s possible. I’ve never heard of a shifter losing his or her wolf.
That’s another reason why I believe he’s in here.
” I touch my chest. “Recovering. I think he’s ashamed, that he feels he failed me.
The human part of him. He wasn’t fast enough, strong enough, whatever enough, to protect this body. ”
I haven’t shared that with anyone before, but I believe it’s true. My wolf is still there, and the only reason I can come up with for him being so quiet is shame.
“Can’t you make it—?” Harley shakes his head. “I mean, can’t you make him understand?”
“I’ve tried, but it’s just going to take time. There’s always the possibility that maybe he can’t come up fully anymore. Maybe when my leg was shattered, it messed him up somehow, too.”
I can’t make peace with the possibility that I might never be able to shift again. I just can’t.
“I keep trying to decide what to do. I feel like I’m making you give up everything, your pack, your place in the guard, and if I were a shifter—”
I pull Harley into my arms before he can continue that guilt-laden train of thought. “No. Don’t think that. There have been mated pairs where one never was turned, and yes, probably because the only widely known method for changing a human to shifter is unpleasant—”
“Understatement,” Harley huffs.
“Definitely. But the fact is, I’m going to be happy anywhere you are.
Just right now I’m worried about Marcus and Nathan, about Ryder, and about whoever turned him.
” I search the street below us as though the answers might be waiting there.
“How many more people have been changed and are, even now, running around terrified and angry and putting all shifters at risk?”
“I just don’t want to be one of the risks, you know?” Harley mutters. “I don’t want to be a cause of stress for you.”
“You’re not,” I assure him. “And I don’t want you to feel obligated to become a shifter.
I think, maybe, we’re both experiencing some doubts that we wouldn’t if our bond was fully enabled, with the mental link in force, but as it is, we both have to trust one another to share whatever the problem is. ”
I find myself smiling then, nuzzling Harley’s soft skin.
“We actually have to talk about everything.”
“Like plain ol’ human beings do,” Harley adds, sounding happy about it.
“We have a unique mate relationship then, which, to me at least, is cool.” He turns in my arms and rubs his cheek against my chest. “You mentioned fate and destiny a couple of days ago, and I think you’re right.
It had to be this way. I mean, you’re kind of what I feared the most, but also kind of not, you know?
Not that I fear all shifters now, what with you and Ryder, and even Nathan being shifters.
But would I have been able to handle it if you were full-blown snarly beast-man?
I doubt it. I’d probably have found the mental thing intrusive, too.
One more way shifters are different from humans. So to me, this is good.”
“And no more worrying about whether or not you want to be turned. Just let’s enjoy each other for now.”
I tip Harley’s chin up and kiss him, intending it to be gentle, but Harley moans and moves until his hard-on is pressed against my thigh. I grab his ass and pull him closer, encouraging him to rub and take what he needs—
Only to nearly drop him when someone pounds on the door.
“Sound like anyone you know?” I mutter to Harley, but like him, I’m already hurrying toward the door.
“Look first,” I bark when Harley immediately reaches for the locks.
“Right.”
Harley peeks out and gasps.
“Fuck! Ryder!”
His hands start shaking as he fumbles with the door.
I move beside him and gently push his hands away. “Let me. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, he’s bleeding, he’s hurt,” Harley whisper-shouts, already looking through the peephole again.
I finish with the locks and let Harley open the door.
Ryder falls through before Harley even gets it halfway open.
The thud he makes when he hits the floor is almost as loud as the yelp Harley lets loose when he jumps back to avoid getting smacked.
“Ry!”
I step over Ryder and into the hallway. I see no one, and I don’t feel like I’m being watched. Turning around, I find Harley struggling with Ryder’s unconscious form.
“Here, let me help.”
It takes us longer than I think it should to get Ryder inside. I help Harley settle him on the couch, then hurry back to bolt the door.
My cell starts ringing and I curse.
Harley needs me, but that ringtone belongs to Marcus.
“Get it,” Harley says, apparently reading the indecision on my face. “I’ll check for wounds. This blood’s coming from somewhere.”
I barely manage to grab my phone before it goes to voicemail.
“Hello,” I pant, hoping Marcus hasn’t given up.
“What’s going on, Val? You sound like you’ve been running.”
Marcus’ deep voice carries a command that has me straightening my spine automatically. Marcus hates delay tactics and stalling, so I don’t beat around the bush.
I almost laugh.
Running would imply this is the most stressful thing I’ve dealt with lately.
“You should try my week,” I mutter.
The line goes quiet for a second before Marcus huffs out what might be the closest thing he comes to a laugh.
“Trust me, you don’t want to compete for that title.”
That gets my attention. Marcus doesn’t sound tired often. Irritated? Absolutely. Ready to rip someone’s head off? Regularly. Exhausted? Almost never.
“How was Amsterdam?”
Silence greets me for several long seconds.
“It was bad,” Marcus finally says. The bluntness of it makes me straighten automatically.
“How bad?”
I hear movement on his end, like he’s rubbing a hand over his face.
“Bad enough that I don’t even know where to start. We had a human who should have stayed human, a medicine nobody fully understands, a newly mated pair hanging on by a thread, and enough uncertainty to keep Nathan and me awake for days.”
A chill crawls down my spine.
“Everyone survived?”
The question leaves my mouth before I can stop it.
“Yes.”
The answer comes immediately back from my Alpha.
“But only just.”
Shit. That worries me more than if he’d hesitated.
“What happened?”
“I’ll explain when I see you.”
His voice turns firm.