Chapter 33
Torren
I turn onto Main Street and spot Cafe Bomberino’s sign.
It’s black with green lettering designed to look like grape vines.
My eyes scan the area and find Felix sitting on the sidewalk, looking at his shoes.
His head turns my way as my bike approaches, his eyes sad and downtrodden.
My bike comes to a stop just beside him.
Felix rises and boards the back of my bike. “Let’s get out of here,” he says.
I didn’t bring a second helmet, so I hand him mine.
“You don’t have to do that,” he says with a wave of his hand.
“You’re not riding this thing without a helmet,” I say like a school teacher. “I have shit for brains, but you don’t. There’s actually something worth protecting in there,” I explain while motioning to his head.
Felix huffs a laugh. “I’m not so sure about that…”
There’s a sadness in his voice that I don’t like. Not one bit.
“Would it be okay if we stopped at a pharmacy on our way to your place?” He asks. “I got sick at the event and need to brush my teeth.”
My eyes widen. He got sick? “Are you okay? Do you need medicine?”
He shakes his head. “No, nothing like that.”
His eyes look empty, the way they did when he was taking those pills, and it makes me wonder if that’s why he got sick.
I want to ask a million questions, but he doesn’t look up for it. He needs to lie down, or something. “Let’s buy a toothbrush, get back to my place, and you can lie down.”
Then I slide the helmet on his head and tap the top of it like he’s a dog, hoping it’ll help to pull him out of his sadness.
I can hear him laughing inside the helmet, and then I start laughing as well.
I shake my head. “Sorry. I’m so stupid sometimes.”
Felix shakes his head and says, “No, you’re not. You’re trying to cheer me up, and it means a lot to me.”
His arms wrap around my waist, giving me a good squeeze, and then he rests his head on my back.
That warm glow spreads in my chest again.
I rev the engine and get us the hell out of high society and back into…well…low society, I guess. A place I feel a lot more comfortable in, and I’m starting to get the feeling Felix feels the same way.
Felix
My body lies across Torren’s bed, my head resting on his lap, while he sits with his back against some pillows. A hot water bottle rests on my belly. When Mother died, I kind of thought that my days of being taken care of were over.
“How are you feeling?” Torren asks.
I sigh, grateful that I’ve got someone who actually cares. “Better. Thanks for taking care of me.”
Torren runs his fingers through my hair. “What happened?” he asks.
I haven’t worked up the courage to tell him all of the details.
It’s so embarrassing. “I’m honestly not sure,” I explain, because it’s the truth.
What on Earth happened to me? “I had to give a speech, and it just…I don’t know.
I just started choking. Someone handed me water, and then I…
” I make a motion with my arm, conveying the act of…
You get the picture.
“He made you give a speech? Saying what?”
I laugh, scrubbing my hands over my face. “I had to say that he’s my hero, and that I love him so much.”
Torren doesn’t respond. All I can hear is the sound of his breathing for a few seconds.
“Jesus, no wonder you hurled,” he blurts out.
I fucking lose it.
My howl of laughter echoes off the walls. I don’t know if I’m just delirious from dehydration, but there’s something almost poetic about the way he said it. Soon, I’m laughing so hard tears fall down my face, and I clutch my stomach. “I’m gonna get sick again,” I scream through the laughter.
“Not on the bed! It’ll smell for weeks,” he yells back, and that sends me into another laughing fit.
“Oh, my God, I really needed that.” I pause for a moment, then giggle again at the absurdity of it all. “You should have seen it. I had to do this dramatic pause, turn to my father and say, “I love you, Dad,” and that’s when I started choking!”
“Wait, you started choking at the exact moment when you were supposed to say you love him?”
“Yes!”
Now, Torren’s cackling. Laughing so hard, it makes my head, still lying on his stomach, bounce up and down. “Holy shit, you know the election’s going down the shitter when your own son can’t stand you,” he adds with a laugh.
“Oh, and it is going down the shitter. He’s gonna lose, and I’m gonna love every minute of it.”
Torren rubs my head again and adds, “We should throw an election night party to celebrate his loss.”
“Yes, please!” But then my good mood dampens. “But I’ll have to be there, unfortunately. I doubt he’d let me live if I miss election night.”
And just like that, I’m gloomy again. I could kick myself for quitting Maggie’s when I did. If I had the money, I’d move out tomorrow.
As if reading my mind, Torren asks, “Well, you wouldn’t have to be there if you moved out, right?”
I sigh, turning to my side to face him, drawing little pictures on his chest with my finger. “I won’t have the money to move out before the election. It’s only a few weeks away.”
Torren looks at me for a long moment.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Torren
I want to say it so bad. I want to say the words, “Fuck him! Just move in with me.”
The words are so close I can almost hear them.
But I swallow them.
He looks glum again, and it’s fucking killing me. I want to tell him everything I’m feeling. The words are there. I keep trying to push them out, but they won’t leave my throat.
And then, without thinking at all, I exclaim, “Hey! My brother is throwing a Halloween party. Wanna come with me?”
Wait. What?
Why would I ever ask him to go to that party? If I were jealous of someone dancing with him at Bush, then how the hell will I behave at a fucking orgy?
But Felix’s eyes light up. “Yes! Oh my gosh, yes, I want to go! Where is it?”
Oh God. “Um…well, it’s at—” He waits on bated breath, and I finally say it. “The Kitty Cat Club.”
I wait for Felix to turn green and puke again, but, instead, he waggles his brows and says, “Oh, so it’s one of those parties.”
“Is that okay with you?” I ask.
His lips curl into a little smirk before he replies, “Very okay.”
I’m not sure how okay I am with it, to be honest. If anyone so much as lays a finger on Felix…
“What’s the theme?” Felix asks, bouncing in a kneeling position on the bed like an excited puppy. “Kinky?”
“It’s the Kitty Cat Club, so it’s definitely going to be kinky, but Tobias often chooses a more specific theme, like a movie or band. I’ll check with him on what this year’s theme is.”
Felix squeals and claps his hands, but then abruptly stops. “Are you okay with this? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
Seeing how happy it made him is too much to resist. “I’m good with it.”
Felix squeals again, then says, “And if you’re not having fun, we can leave. No pressure to stay.”
“I’ll be good,” I assure him with a smile.
“It’s really sweet of you to take me. I’m excited.”
My anxiety about the party disappears when I hear those words. Making Felix happy brings me a level of joy I didn’t know I could experience.
So, why the hell can’t I say it?