Chapter 21
Rahat
The first thing I registered was a beeping sound, and then the murmur of voices, and the whoosh of a door.
Moving felt sluggish and for a second, my heart raced, and my adrenaline spiked as I worried, I was waking up on the bed in Adam's room again.
But the beeping kicked up a notch, and the smell in the air was more astringent than cleaning fluid.
Then, I realised the pain was gone and opened my eyes and saw the drip in the back of my hand. I must have been given the good stuff.
I kept my head still and waited for the ceiling to come into focus.
The light beyond the window was a soft blue that promised another hot day.
I tried to swallow and immediately regretted it.
Even with the morphine, the inside of my throat felt like I'd run a cheese grater through it.
The best thing to do was just stay still and breathe.
The door opened and Carina slipped inside with a bunch of yellow tulips in hand, along with a paper cup of coffee balanced on top of white box. "Brilliant," she said. "You're awake. I was about to try and wake you if you weren't."
I motioned to the cup after noting it was from my favourite coffee shop. "Am I allowed some of that," I asked, my voice strained and difficult to find.
"No." She set the tulips on the windowsill. "The nurse said so when I was on my way in here, but I'm ignoring her." She handed me the coffee. "Just don't push it." She pulled the chair close and dropped into it, tucking one leg beneath her. "How's your head?"
"Still attached," I said after taking a careful sip. It was hot and sweet, and just the way I liked it.
"And the eye."
"I think it's still there."
Carina huffed out a breath and pursed her lips. "You look like you lost a fight with a bus," she said, putting it somewhat bluntly. At least, she wasn't looking at me like I was about to break at any second. That was an improvement.
"I look fabulous," I countered.
She smiled. "Well, of course, darling. That was never in question."
"What are you two chatting about?" Gabriel asked as he walked in. He'd come bearing two coffees. Also, from my favourite coffee shop. He handed one to Carina, making me think they'd conspired to get them together. And then pulled over the second chair before taking a seat.
He glared at me without speaking.
"I'm fine," I said.
"You had us worried," he said.
I couldn't respond to that. Instead, I took another sip of my deviously sweet, hot coffee. Carina dived into the box and offered Gabriel a pastry before pressing an almond croissant into my free hand.
"You do know it's not my birthday," I said, wanting to keep the mood light.
"It isn't?" Carina pretended to snatch the croissant back before returning it to my hand, making me chuckle in the process.
We walked around the edges for a little bit.
Priya was home, physically unhurt, and refusing to be managed or fussed over.
Ashraf was back in college. Gabriel insisted he was unphased by Aldo's death.
But I doubted that. And Auntie Deepa spent an hour lecturing Gabriel, before forcing him to eat two portions of papri chaat, which is why he'd refused the pastry.
I laughed at the image that produced in my head. It pulled at my throat and cut through the fog in my head.
Gabriel watched me carefully over the rim of his coffee while I recovered from that. When I had, he stood and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I'll be back later," he said.
Carina stood too. She picked up her coffee and her half-eaten croissant. Then she paused and looked at the door. "He's been out there since six," she said.
I curled my fingers around my coffee cup.
"I mean, he's been here since they brought you in.
He wouldn't leave your side until he knew you were out of the woods," she added.
"But he's been standing in the corridor since breakfast time started.
The nurse told him he had to get out and wait like everyone else.
I thought for a moment he might punch her.
But well, it's Rex. He would never," She shrugged, aiming for casual. "I'll tell him you're awake."
She squeezed my hand and held it for a moment before following Gabriel out.
Rex entered less than ten seconds later.
"The nurse said you weren't to have any coffee." He snatched the cup from my hand. I wanted to protest but he fixed his dark eyes on mine. "There's a risk of thermal injury on top of trauma," he said. "Plus, delayed airway compromise, and a risk of aspiration."
He hadn't slept. That much was clear. There was a tightness around his eyes and a set to his jaw I'd come to recognise.
Plus, the two-day shadow on his face had gone to three, and that was something I'd never seen before.
He was wearing the same clothes as he'd worn yesterday.
Not that it was easy to tell. A plain T-shirt and jean combo was always his go to choice.
His jacket was gone and the T-shirt had a crease pressed into the shoulder as if he'd been leaning it against something hard for a long time.
After stealing my coffee and setting it down well out of reach, he just stood there looking at me.
He was doing that thing again, where he was studied whatever the fuck was going on with my face and neck while the vein popped in his head. But this time, he'd added the drip in my hand. So at least, that was something new.
"Hi," I said, when his gaze locked on my throat. "My eyes are up here, thank you very much."
That brought a smile to his face. Albeit a fleeting one. But it brought his gaze up. "Hi," he said before sitting in the chair Carina pulled close.
He sat forward with his forearms on his knees and laced his fingers together.
"You need to sleep," I said.
"Yeah."
The monitor beeped and a trolley rattled past the closed door. Rex kept his eyes on mine.
"I know what you're going to say," I said.
"No." He shook his head and huffed out a deep breath. "You don't."
I held my tongue and waited for him to continue.
He rubbed his hand over his head before setting it back on his knee. "You drugged me."
"Yes."
"It wasn't a question." He held my gaze. "You put melatonin in my drink and walked out while I was under."
"I did."
"Also, not a question." The muscle in his jaw twitched.
"And you'd already decided you were going to do it.
Before the strip tease. Before we'd even left Gabriel's office.
" I kept my mouth sealed shut. "I woke up and you were gone.
I had to find your blood when I was too fucking slow from it to think straight.
And that whole fucking drive to Dexter's place in Bermondsey, I kept telling myself I'd find you safe, even while fearing the worst. Then I found you. .."
His voice cracked and I tried to reach out to him, but he was too far away.
"I know."
"No. You don't fucking know. You were gone for more than two hours.
" He stood to pace the room. "I had no idea what was happening to you.
Whether you were--" He stopped and rubbed his forehead with the back of his fist. "You made it so that I couldn't help you.
You made me helpless. Even worse, you put yourself in danger and look what fucking happened. "
"I'm sorry," I said, because what else was there to say.
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
"You wouldn't have let me go."
"Damn fucking straight, I wouldn't have."
"And that's why I did it. And I'm sorry Rex, but the truth is, I'd do it again if I thought it would help Priya."
He sat back down in the chair again. "I know. That's the fucking problem."
"I had no choice."
"You should have told me."
"You'd have--"
"I know what I would have done," he said, cutting off my words.
"You should have told me anyway. And then you should have gone.
" He dropped his gaze to my IV again. "You took that choice from me.
That's not the way we do things." He sat forward in the chair and laced his fingers with mine on the blanket.
"Next time. You don't do it alone. I'm not telling you to ask for permission.
I'm asking you because you aren't the only one who shows up for the people you love. "
"Okay," I said.
"Yeah." He studied my face for a moment.
"Yeah," I said.
He shifted even more forward in the chair and pressed my hand to his lips. "Good. Because I can't fucking do this again. I can't stand by helpless and watch you hurt."
"I'm sorry," I said again, but Rex just shook his head.
"Don't be fucking sorry. You're the one who's hurt. I'm the one who's sorry."