Chapter 2 #3
As usual, Kate sat by herself, strumming the guitar she never left home without these days.
Maggie was attached to her iPod, and Jill had curled up with a book on one of the benches.
An obnoxiously large pile of duffel bags sat on the floor next to them.
Jack had been so glad they were coming with him that he’d chosen not to make an issue of how much stuff they’d brought for one weekend.
He had no plan, per se, for when they got to the island. All he knew was that he had to do something to get their attention, to reconnect with daughters he’d somehow managed to grow estranged from while living under the same roof.
The ferry backed into Block Island’s Old Harbor just after six. Disembarking with their two tons of luggage, Jack and the girls piled into the old station wagon he kept on the island. Their silence during the short ride to the south end grated on his already frayed nerves.
“Another busy weekend on the Block,” he said, feeling stupid and desperate as the words came out of his mouth.
More silence.
“What do you guys want for dinner?”
“Pizza from Aldo’s,” Maggie said.
“Aldo’s it is,” Jack said, smiling at her in the mirror.
It was just pizza, but it was a start.
By Saturday afternoon, Jack was ready to shoot himself.
With each of them immersed in some form of technology—iPods, computers, cell phones, televisions—they were doing an excellent job of ignoring him.
The cowardly part of him wanted to go up to his room and kill time until they could go home the next day.
However, the coward was overruled by the inner voice telling him he’d already squandered too much time with them.
Bracing himself for outrage, he stepped into the huge living room that overlooked the ocean. “Hey, guys.” He waved a hand at Kate to get her attention, since she had her earbuds in. “Let’s go for a ride.”
“I’m watching something,” Maggie said.
“I was just about to take a shower,” Jill added. She’d been only slightly friendlier to him since their interlude on the bathroom floor. He took the progress where he could get it.
“We’re going for a ride,” he said more forcefully this time. “And Kate, bring your guitar, will you?”
Sending him a quizzical look, Kate did as he asked. Though they grumbled all the way, they found shoes and coats and trooped out to the car.
As Jack drove toward the bluffs on the island’s north end, he so hoped he was doing the right thing. He got them as close as he could in the car. They’d have to walk the rest of the way.
“Am I bringing the guitar?” Kate asked with a wary glance at the rugged trail.
“Yes, please.”
As Jack watched them exchange puzzled looks, his gut clenched with nerves. “Listen, guys, I know I haven’t given you much reason to trust me or to believe in me, but I’m asking for thirty minutes.”
Silence.
“I need half an hour with no attitudes, no anger, no dispositions. Can you give me that?”
“What’re we going to do?” Maggie asked, her expression open and accepting.
Jack smiled and tugged on her ponytail. “Come with me, and I’ll show you.”
He led them up the rocky trail to the place where he and Clare first made love, where they’d first talked of marriage, and where they’d come to make the biggest decisions of their married life.
Here he’d convinced her the time was right for him and Jamie to leave Neil Booth’s firm and start their own company, to move their growing family from Boston to Newport and begin a whole new life.
Later, she’d brought him here to tell him about their unplanned third child who turned out to be one of the best surprises of his life.
At the top of the path, the Atlantic stretched out before them. Jack could think of no better place for Clare’s daughters to say good-bye to their mother.
“This was your place with Mom,” Jill said quietly, taking in the view of the ocean.
“Yes.”
“I remember coming here once with you, when I was really young,” Jill said. “Mom told me it was your special place.”
Jack gestured to a grassy patch. “Sit with me?” He waited until they were settled and dropped down next to Kate.
“Whenever we were out here on the island, Mom and I would try to get up here to have a chat. Sometimes we talked about serious stuff; other times we just chilled and watched the water for a while. Often we talked about you guys.” He looked up to find them hanging on his every word and could see the hunger on their faces.
They were desperate for any part of their mother they could still hang on to.
Forcing himself to press on, Jack took a deep breath and tried to get it together.
He’d been unprepared for the wallop of emotion that came with returning to this place.
“Before the accident, when I knew something was wrong, I should’ve brought her here.
She wouldn’t talk to me about it at home, but perhaps… if we’d come here…”
“Maybe it was something she needed to work out on her own,” Kate said.
“That’s possible,” Jack conceded, wanting so badly to believe it. “But I need you to know that I wish I’d tried harder to figure out what was bothering her.”
“We wish we’d tried harder, too,” Jill said.
Her sisters nodded in agreement.
Touched by their confession, he turned to Kate. “Will you play something for us? Something that reminds you of Mom?”
“I know just the thing.” She launched into a familiar tune that made her father and sisters smile. “Remember her singing so loud?”
“And so bad!” the others chimed in, laughing at the memory.
Kate played Landslide, and Jack couldn’t believe how very good she’d gotten since the last time he heard her play.
Clare had loved the Stevie Nicks song, and he wished she could’ve heard their daughter sing it.
Kate had chosen the perfect song. The last year had been just like standing at the bottom of a landslide.
She played the last note and glanced at him, a shy smile gracing her pretty face. “That was beautiful, honey. Your voice is so lovely.”
“Thank you.”
“Can I say something?” Jill asked.
“Of course,” he said, pleased that they had picked up on the reason he’d brought them here.
“I had to memorize a poem for school recently. We could pick anything we wanted, so I chose Mom’s favorite.”
“Tennyson,” Jack said.
She nodded. “It reminded me of her and of what our family has been through in the last year:
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved heaven and earth, that which we are, we are—
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
Watching his beautiful, brave daughter so eloquently speak the words her mother had loved moved Jack to tears. He cleared his throat and hoped he could say what they needed to hear. “That’s exactly what we have to do, you know? We have to continue to be a family.”
“Everything’s different now,” Maggie said sadly.
“Yes, it is. And as much as we wish it wasn’t, we have to find a way to go on without Mom.”
“I really wish we didn’t have to,” Maggie said.
“So do I, honey. But here’s the thing… Mom always took care of you guys, and I let her. It was easier for me to hang back and let her do the heavy lifting than it was for me to get in there and get my hands dirty with you guys.”
They giggled at the words he used, but he had their attention.
“That’s not the kind of father I want to be anymore.
I know this is another big change on top of so many others, but from now on, I’m in charge at home.
Frannie’s there to help us out, but she’s not responsible for you guys.
I am. If you want to go somewhere or do something, you ask me.
When I’m at work or out of town, of course you can check in with her, but I always want to know where you are and who you’re with. Agreed?”
Their mumbled replies indicated their agreement.
“I know I haven’t been the world’s best father, but I really want to fix that. I hope you’ll let me try.”
Maggie moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.
He slipped an arm around her.
“Can I sing a song that reminds me of Mom?” she asked.
“Absolutely.”
In a small voice, she sang the theme song from Barney.
The others smiled, remembering Clare singing the happy-family song to mend hurt feelings after dustups between sisters.
“We were a happy family,” Maggie said, her voice catching.
“We will be again.” Jack brushed a kiss over her silky dark hair. “I promise. We will be again.”
For the first time in a long time, he had reason to hope. They’d taken the first, most important step on what would no doubt be a long journey. But they’d taken the step, and he was filled with relief.