Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
Carly awoke often during the night, and each time her first thought was to see if he was still there.
He slept on top of the comforter, still dressed in shorts and a polo shirt.
Her robe had twisted around her, so she gently removed his hand from her hip, got up to shed the robe, and slid under the covers.
She laced her fingers through his and watched him for a long time before exhaustion overtook her and she fell back to sleep.
The next time she opened her eyes, it was morning, and Brian’s back was to her as he stared out the bedroom window.
His hair was wet from the shower, and he had changed into a T-shirt and faded jeans that hugged him in all the right places.
He held a steaming mug of coffee as he watched the action on Main Street.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, her voice hoarse from sleep.
“That we need to buy a house and cars.”
“I don’t have a license anymore.”
“You can renew it.”
“I don’t know about that. It’s one thing to ride in a car. It’s another thing altogether to drive one.”
He turned away from the window and came over to sit on the bed. Handing her the coffee, he said, “You’ll have to try it and see how it feels.”
“One of these days, maybe.” She took a sip from the mug and gave it back to him. “Did you sleep?”
“Off and on. How about you?”
“The same. I dreamed about the accident. That hasn’t happened in a long time.”
He seemed startled. “You dream about it?”
“Not as much as I used to but occasionally.”
“I do, too.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“I never knew that. My dream has changed a lot over the years, but some parts are the same. There’s always someone in the car I can’t get to.
Sometimes it’s Sam and the others. And then it’ll be you and Zoe and other kids I know belong to us.
The smell is the one thing that doesn’t change.
It’s the same god-awful smell as that night. ”
He winced. “In my dream, I see it happening over and over. Like yours, the dream comes and goes. It always knocks me for a loop for a couple of days afterward.”
“Me, too. I feel sort of like I did in the days just after it happened.”
He shook his head with regret. “I can’t tell you how badly I wish I could go back in time to make it so you didn’t have to see what you did.
So neither of us had to. If you hadn’t seen that, you never would’ve stopped talking or locked yourself away in your parents’ house.
The loss would’ve been unbearable, but we would’ve been able to go ahead with our plans, despite it. ”
“I hate that I wasn’t there for you the way I should’ve been after you lost Sam. When you came to my house after his funeral, I wanted to tell you how sorry I was to have missed it. I should’ve been right by your side through the whole thing, and I’m sorry I wasn’t.”
He brought her hand to his lips. “We need to be looking forward not backward.”
“Yes.” Her heart ached when she thought of the question she needed to ask him. It had been on her mind all night during the wakeful periods.
“What’s wrong? Something just upset you.”
She smiled despite the overwhelming sadness. “I should be freaked out by the way you read me so easily. I’d forgotten about that.”
“What’s going on inside that head of yours?”
She studied his handsome face for a long moment, wanting to memorize every detail. “Do you think it’s possible that too much has happened to us? That we’re deluding ourselves by thinking we can ride off into the sunset toward happily ever after? Maybe we just weren’t meant to be, Bri.”
His eyes flashed with emotion. “Do you really believe that?”
“I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
“Do you believe I love you?”
“Yes,” she said softly. “I do. I believe that.”
“And since I have no doubt that you love me, too, can you think of anyone who deserves happily ever after more than we do?”
She thought about that for a moment. “I can’t say I do.”
“Good.” He leaned over to kiss her. “Then no more talk about not meant to be or any other such foolishness, okay?”
“All right,” she said, but she still wasn’t sure. He was saying all the right things, but the conviction he’d once had was gone. She hoped it would be back in time for their wedding.
“I’m going to go talk to my parents about Zoe.”
“I want to come with you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Yes, Brian. Yes, I do.” She got out of bed and reached for her robe. “Give me twenty minutes.”
After a quick breakfast at Miss Molly’s, they walked through town to Tucker Road with a police officer following them. They stopped for a few minutes at the accident site where Carly pulled weeds and pinched off some dead blooms from the bank of wildflowers.
“I don’t even know what he does for a living,” Brian said absently as he watched her fuss with the flowers.
Still in a crouch, Carly turned and looked up at him. His hands were in his pockets, his eyes fixed on the white cross bearing Sam’s name. “Who?”
“Tom.”
“He’s a vice president at a pharmaceutical company. He oversees their New England sales force.”
“Sounds like a good job.”
“It is. He does well. And it’s flexible, so he can go to all the kids’ games and stuff. That’s important to him.”
“So then Cate doesn’t work?”
“She keeps threatening to go back now that Lilly’s in first grade, but she’s up to her eyeballs in all the kids’ activities. I don’t know where she’d find the time for a job.”
“They sound like good parents.”
“They are.”
His eyes shifted from the cross to her. “That’s what I’d want for our kids—a full-time mom and a dad who doesn’t miss much. Would you want that, too?”
“Yes.”
“You wouldn’t want to work?”
“Not if we could afford for me to stay home.”
“We could.” He rattled off the salary the attorney general had offered.
Her eyes widened. “For real?”
He nodded. “Do you think you might be pregnant? Can you tell yet?”
“Not yet. But I can take a test in a week or two.”
“I hope you are. I want you to have a baby you can keep.”
Carly stood and put her arms around him. “I want that for both of us.”
He held her close for a few minutes before he kissed her and said, “Let’s get this over with.”
Carly went up the short flight of stairs that led to the Westbury’s living room. Brian hung back for a moment to talk to his father, who had come home from the station when Brian called and asked him to.
“Did you talk to her about Luke?” Michael asked.
“Shit, I never thought of it.”
Michael stared at his son, astounded. “What the hell could be so important you’d forget about that?”
“Come on up, and I’ll tell you.”
They went up the stairs to the living room.
“Is everything all right?” Michael asked.
“Sit down, Dad.”
“You’re making me nervous, Brian,” Mary Ann said. “What’s going on?”
Brian and Carly exchanged glances.
With a deep breath for courage, he said, “I found out yesterday that Carly was pregnant when I left for college.”
“What?” Mary Ann gasped.
Brian told them the whole story, an abbreviated version that hit on all the important details. He held back the part about Zoe’s being born on Sam’s birthday, fearing that might be one detail too many at first.
When he finished, his mother’s face was frozen with shock. “You mean to tell me all these years I’ve had a granddaughter living less than two miles from me?”
“Mary Ann—”
She held up a hand to stop Carly. “Please. Don’t.”
“I know this is terribly shocking, Mom. It was for me, too. But after hearing Carly’s side of it, I can see how she did what she thought was best for me and for Zoe.”
“Zoe Murphy is my granddaughter,” Michael said, more to himself than anyone else.
“Yes,” Brian said. “And after talking to Carly, Cate, and Tom, they’ve convinced me that telling Zoe the truth now would not be in her best interest.”
“What about your best interest?” Mary Ann’s eyes were hot with anger. “What about ours?”
“It was important to me that you and Dad know the truth, but I assured them you wouldn’t do anything to upset her life. It’s too late for us with her, Mom. There’ll be other grandchildren. We hope soon.”
“When Brian and I get married, the two of you will become part of my family—if you want to, that is,” Carly said. “There’ll be holidays, birthdays, graduations. You’ll have the opportunity to get to know Zoe.”
Mary Ann glanced at Carly with hard eyes. “And that’s supposed to be enough?”
“Don’t you remember how awful everything was then, Mom?” Brian asked with a pleading edge to his voice.
“Do you think I need to be reminded of that?” Mary Ann snapped. “I live with it every minute of my life.”
“Then maybe you can try to understand the situation Carly was in after I told her I was leaving and not coming back. She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t leave the house. What was she supposed to do?”
“I would’ve raised her!” Tears spilled down Mary Ann’s face. “I would’ve done it without a second thought!”
Brian looked over at Carly and saw that she too was crying.
“I’m sorry,” Carly whispered. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to upset Brian’s life and his plans. I wanted him to get past what’d happened. I was thinking of him.”
“You were thinking of yourself,” Mary Ann said.
Carly shook her head to say no.
“Mary Ann . . .” Michael got up to sit next to her. When he tried to slip an arm around her she shook him off.
“You know Carly, Mom. Can you even begin to imagine what it cost her to give up her baby after she’d lost me and every friend she had in the world? Can you try to image that?”
Carly sent him a look that told him she appreciated him defending her.
Mary Ann swiped impatiently at her tears. “How can you stand having a daughter who’ll never know you’re her father? How can you stand that, Brian?”
“I can do it because it’s what Carly asked me to do. She knows Zoe, and she convinced me this is what’s best for her. She’ll be my niece. That’ll have to suffice.”
“And we’re expected to just fall in line and keep quiet about it?”