Chapter 33 #2
Paullina took a close look at her daughter. “The bruise is just about gone, huh?”
“Yes, finally. Juliana’s Salon has shut down. It’s back to Panache on Tuesday.”
“It’ll be good for you to get back to normal.”
Normal, Juliana thought, not sure what that was anymore. She sat down at the table. “So, Ma, Jeremy and I got engaged last night.”
Paullina seemed stunned as she put down her fork and wiped her mouth. “Did you now? Where’s the ring?”
“It was too big, so we’re having it sized. It’s gorgeous though.”
“Congratulations, Juliana. You’ve certainly waited long enough for that.”
“We’re going to St. John in three weeks, just Jeremy and me.” Juliana told the tiniest of lies to protect her mother’s feelings since she had been unprepared to find her sober and rational. “We don’t want a big wedding.”
“It sounds lovely. I hope you’ll be very happy.”
Juliana’s chest tightened with emotion as she caught a glimpse of the mother she remembered from before life and alcohol took their toll on her.
She leaned in to hug her mother. “Thank you. Well, I need to keep moving. I’ve got a million things to do.
” She couldn’t even think about the unimaginable thing she had to do next.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Paullina said.
“I won’t. Nice to meet you, Allison.”
“You, too,” the aide called from the living room.
Juliana drove down Eastern Avenue still amazed by what she had just witnessed at her mother’s house. Now that Jeremy had paid off the mortgage, Juliana would put her money toward keeping Allison around. That would certainly lift a big weight off her shoulders.
Turning onto Chester Street, her heart began to pound with anxiety and dread.
She had come early, so she could get her stuff out of there before Michael got home from Florida.
The palms of her hands were damp, and her mouth went dry as she used her key to let herself in.
She deactivated the alarm and was assaulted by a flood of memories and emotions and despair—utter despair over what she was about to do to this man who so totally didn’t deserve it.
Forcing herself to move fast, she went upstairs to his bedroom to pack her remaining clothes and personal items. She tried not to think about the last passionate night they spent in his bed or making love with him in the shower before she left to meet Jeremy.
Was that really only yesterday? Brushing away a tear that escaped despite her iron will to get through this without them, she zipped the last of her bags and carried them downstairs and out to her car.
When there was nothing left to do, she sat on the sofa to wait for him. The room soon grew dark, but Juliana couldn’t seem to move, even to turn on a light. She had no idea how much time passed before she heard his key in the door.
“Juliana?” He flipped on a light. “Hey, baby, I was so happy to see your car out there. What’re you doing in the dark?
” A smile lit up his face as he dropped his overnight bag inside the door and crossed the room to her.
But when he noticed the tears in her eyes, he froze and his smile faded to an expression of agony that would remain etched upon her heart forever.
“No,” he whispered, shaking his head. “No, you’re not going back to him. You can’t.”
His devastation rendered her helpless against the flood of tears she had managed to contain until that moment.
“Do you love him the same way you love me?”
“No,” she said, wiping her face.
“Then why are you doing this? I don’t understand.”
“Because I don’t love you the same way I love him.”
He grimaced in unabashed pain.
Wincing, Juliana stood up to go to him. “That came out wrong.” She buried her hands in her hair in frustration. “Oh, I never should’ve let this happen between us!”
He took her by the arm. “Don’t insult me by pretending you had any more power over it than I did.”
“Michael,” she said softly, “I love you so much. You know I do, but I’ve been with him my whole adult life. He made one mistake, and he regrets it terribly. I just couldn’t bring myself to walk away from him after he was there for me during all the years when no one else was. I’m so sorry.”
The anger seemed to leave him as fast as it had come. “I don’t want you to be sorry. You had a decision to make, and you’ve made it. I’ve always known this could happen.”
“I’ll never forget any of it.” Tears streamed down her face. “I’ll never forget you. I promise you that.”
“I want you to promise me something else—something much more important.”
She brushed at her tears. “What?”
“That when it blows up with him, you’ll come find me.”
“No, Michael—”
“I’m only asking you for one thing, Juliana. Come find me. I’ll either be here or in Newport—you know where—and I’ll be waiting for you. I don’t care if it’s a week, a year, five years, twenty years. Find me.”
“But surely you’ll be married with a family—”
He shook his head. “Never. It’s you or no one. So don’t think for one minute I won’t still want you or that my pride is too wounded to forgive you. I’ve already forgiven you. That’s how much I love you.”
“You can’t mean that,” Juliana said, choking on a sob. “You’ll meet someone else. You’ll fall in love again.”
With his index finger to her chin, he forced her to look at him. “Have I ever said anything to you that I didn’t mean?”
“No,” she whispered.
“Do you promise, Juliana? I need to hear you say it.”
“Okay, I promise, but I don’t want you to wait for me. I want you to find someone else—”
He laid a finger over her lips to stop her. “It’s not going to happen.”
“I’m so sorry, Michael.” She handed him her house key.
He put it in his pocket and reached for her left hand. “He didn’t even give you a ring?”
“It was too big.”
Michael made a sound that might have been a chuckle if he was amused rather than devastated. “And mine fit perfectly. Ironic, huh?”
Juliana couldn’t dispute that point so she didn’t try. “What happened with Paige?”
“Turns out she was pregnant.”
Juliana gasped.
“She lost it. She was in the hospital when I got there.”
“Oh, Michael. I’m sorry. Is she all right?”
“She will be.”
“Will you be?”
Resting his hands on her face, he ran his thumbs gently along her jaw in a gesture so familiar, so uniquely his, it took her breath away.
“You’d better go while I’m still able to let you.
” He brought her into his arms one last time, as if to prepare himself for all the days he would have to live without her.
“Remember what I said, Juliana. Come find me.”
“I don’t ever want you to think, for even one second, that I don’t love you as much as I said I did.”
“I know you do.” He touched his lips to hers. “That’s why I’ll be waiting.”