Chapter 9
Nine
Neisy
THEN
The time away with Kane is blissful. It’s everything I need after the hell of the last few weeks. Other than to check in once a day with my dad, I never look at my phone.
We end up at a lake in upstate New York, where my dad rents us a small cabin a few steps from the shore. That’s another thing that would’ve been unthinkable a few months ago. But what does my dad have to worry about now that I’ve been raped and made pregnant by a boy I went to school with?
Kane went to the grocery store to stock up on essentials, so we wouldn’t have to go anywhere. I don’t want to have to see anyone. I’m raw from the events that sent us on this trip.
I still can’t believe Mr. Elliott actually came to our house to confront my dad.
Thankfully, Dad kept his cool and stayed out of trouble.
Dad told me Mr. Elliott was charged with misdemeanor harassment or something like that.
I’m sure everyone blames me for that, too.
Kane returns from a run to find me sitting in one of the wooden chairs that overlooks the scenic lake. He kisses my cheek. “How’re you doing?”
“Okay.”
The nausea and overall exhaustion have been hard to take. I’m not used to feeling sick and tired all the time.
“I’m going to take a swim, and then we need to talk.”
“Why? Did something else happen?”
“Not that I know of. But we have some decisions to make.”
About the baby.
We’ve danced around the topic in the two weeks since we left town, but we haven’t decided anything. Soon, the baby will be far enough along to help me prove that Ryder raped me.
In early September, we’ll start our senior year at the high school in Fairfax County where I attended ninth and tenth grades.
My friends there are thrilled I’m coming back, which was a huge relief.
And yes, they know what happened to me and that I’ll have to testify against Ryder at some point.
They’ve been nothing but supportive and concerned for me.
It’s also a relief to be away from the town where I was so unhappy long before Ryder attacked me.
If I had it do over again, I would’ve gone to my dad and begged him to get me out of that school and that town before disaster could strike.
He knew I was unhappy there, but he didn’t know the full extent of it until the Facebook outrage appeared after we went to the police.
Now he knows how bad it was, and it’s broken him to find out what I endured without any support.
It’s also made him even angrier at my mother.
He’s given her an ultimatum—quit drinking and go to rehab, or he’s filing for divorce.
His anger at her runs deep after she failed to notice something was very wrong with me.
He’s not staying with her unless she makes some changes.
I really hope she does. She’s wasting her life by drinking herself into oblivion, even if I understand that alcoholism is a disease.
I want to be sympathetic toward her, but I’d also like to have a mother again.
I’m not sure if she’ll stay in Rhode Island or join us in Virginia.
That it doesn’t matter to me whether she comes with us says a lot about how removed she’s been from me in recent years.
“Can we talk about it?” Kane asks, making me realize I’ve zoned out on him.
“Not today. I’m not feeling great.”
“What’s wrong?”
“My back is hurting for some reason, and I just feel blah.”
“Do you want to lay down?”
“I’d rather go out on the boat.” The place we rented has a wooden rowboat that we’ve taken out on the lake almost every day we’ve been here. It’s so relaxing to float on the water and not think about anything other than what we might have for dinner.
“I’ll pack the picnic today.”
That’s usually my job. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“Yes, I really do. You put your life on hold to come here, to run away into the unknown, to stay with me in this hellish situation. I owe you so much.”
He squats down next to my chair and takes my hand.
“I love you, Neisy. I’ve loved you so long I don’t remember what it was like not to love you.
Being away from you was torture. As much as I hate what happened to you and all the pain and worry you’re dealing with, I’m so happy to be with you again and to know I don’t have to leave you ever again.
” He kisses the back of my hand. “So no, you don’t owe me anything. ”
Before I can come up with a reply to the sweet words that leave me with a lump of emotion in my throat, he stands and walks toward the cabin.
We’re lucky to have found each other so early in our lives.
Both sets of parents warned us about getting so involved at such young ages, but we didn’t want to hear it.
We know what we know, and I don’t have the slightest doubt about fully committing to him for a lifetime.
The certainty that he feels the same way is the ultimate reward.
He returns a few minutes later with the picnic basket we found in a closet in the cabin, sweatshirts and towels for both of us and the bag that contains my sunscreen and the new e-reader my grandparents bought me for Christmas.
He’s teased me about loving that device more than I love him.
Reading has been my favorite pastime since I first learned how.
Over these recent tumultuous weeks, I haven’t had the attention span to do anything, even my favorite thing.
Being here, though, has calmed my mind to the point where I can enjoy reading again.
Kane helps me into the rowboat before he shoves it off the beach and then jumps in as we float away from the shore.
The cushions and umbrella are right where I left them yesterday.
I relax into their comfort, enjoying the play of his muscles as he rows.
He’s so gorgeous with his dark silky hair, olive-toned complexion, brown eyes and smooth skin. I tell him all the time that it’s not fair he hasn’t had so much as a blemish while I’ve battled acne since I was thirteen. I’ve been on medicine for it that’s helped, but he’s had no such issue.
This would be such a perfect day if my back didn’t hurt so badly.
I wish I could take the ibuprofen that usually works for me, but I read that it’s better not to take any pain meds while pregnant.
I can’t bring myself to do anything to hurt an innocent child, which is why I’ve more or less decided to carry the baby to term and put him or her up for adoption.
I haven’t discussed that with Kane yet, but I will. Soon.
Kane rows for a long time, until we’re so far from where we started that our cabin is but a speck in the distance. The sun is warm, the air crisp and the lake placid and calm.
“It’s so beautiful here,” I say after a long period of contented silence.
That’s one of the things I love best about being with him. We’re so happy to be together that we don’t feel the need to constantly fill the empty spaces with conversation.
“I do, too. We’ll have to come back every summer, unless it would remind you of things you’d rather forget.”
“I’ve felt so much better since we ended up here. I’d love to come back.” I shift on the cushions, seeking a comfortable position as my back pain intensifies.
“What’s wrong?” Kane asks.
“Just this weird pain in my back that’s been getting worse all day.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I thought it was just a pulled muscle or something, but it’s—”
The breath is stolen from my lungs by a sharp pain that radiates from back to front and a gush of fluid between my legs. I gasp as I lean forward.
Kane releases the oars and reaches out to me. “Neisy, you’re bleeding.”
“No! The baby!”
If I lose the baby, I’ll also lose the proof that Ryder raped me.
“I’ll get us back to shore.”
He rows like an Olympian, stopping only to pull his phone from his pocket. “Damn it, there’s no service out here.” He goes back to rowing.
The pain is ridiculous, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, even the appendicitis I had when I was ten.
“Are you okay, Neise?”
“Uh…” I can’t seem to form a coherent thought.
The bottom of the boat is covered in blood.
When we get closer to the shore, Kane again tries his phone. “Thank God we have service now.”
The next hour is a blur as I’m loaded into an ambulance with Kane by my side and transported to the hospital.
I want to remind him that we need the baby’s DNA to convict Ryder, but I can’t form words around the pain that’s ripping me apart inside.
I black out at some point and come to in a brightly lit room with people all around me.
Where’s Kane? I want to ask for him, but I can’t speak.
I can’t do anything other than experience this searing pain.
When a needle is inserted into my hand, the pinch barely registers, but the relief is immediate.
My eyes become heavy. I can’t keep them open.
The next time I open them, I’m in a darkened room.
Kane is there, sitting next to my bed holding my hand.
I lick lips that are so dry they feel like sandpaper. “What happened?”
“You had a miscarriage.”
“Oh.”
“You lost a lot of blood. They had to give you a transfusion.”
I try to process what he’s saying, but it’s like my brain is made of cotton. Nothing makes sense.
“You scared me.”
“Sorry,” I whisper.
He strokes my face and brushes hair back from my forehead. “Don’t be sorry.”
“Can I…” I force my unfocused eyes to look at him. “I can have others?”
“Yeah, you can.”
I blow out a sigh that becomes a sob, ripped from the deepest part of me. The baby I didn’t want is gone. I should be relieved, but all I feel is shattered over the loss of an innocent bystander in this tragic situation. Tears spill down my cheeks.
Kane sits on the edge of the mattress and wipes them away with a tissue.
“I don’t know w-why I’m crying.”
“You’ve been through a traumatic ordeal.”
“Did you call my dad?”
“Not yet. I figured it would be better if you called him so he could hear your voice.”
“Thank you for thinking of that.”
“No problem.”