Chapter 2 #2
At the restaurant, we were seated at a booth.
Zara wanted to sit next to my dad so that he could teach her some card tricks.
She slotted herself in between my parents, so it was just Shannon and me on the other side.
I made sure to give her space. When we were still married, I might’ve slid in close, our sides pressed together, the warmth of her body a promise of what would happen later when we got home.
I wished to go back in time, back to that place where she looked at me with pure love and affection instead of the careful wariness that painted her features now.
It gutted me to be honest, but it was worse because it was my own selfish actions that put the wariness there in the first place.
She took off her coat again, folding it neatly and placing it between us before picking up the menu.
She studied the specials while Zara grinned at some joke my dad made.
I couldn’t stop sneaking glances at Shannon.
It was just overwhelming to be with her in person.
She didn’t update her social media very often, so it wasn’t like I could look at pictures and cyber stalk her like the pathetic man I was, thirsty for any crumbs of information about her life.
According to Mam, Shannon worked a lot, took care of Zara, and occasionally went out to dinner with her friends. But she wasn’t with her all the time. There could be a boyfriend Mam didn’t know about. Shannon had been somewhat cagey back at the school when I questioned if she was seeing anyone.
The thought of her with anyone else was like a knife through the heart. Though the logical part of my brain knew it was going to happen sooner or later.
“Hey, everyone! So sorry I’m late. My taxi got stuck in traffic on the way here from the station.” My sister appeared, windswept and flushed, unwrapping a long scarf from around her neck.
“Aunt Frannie,” Zara exclaimed.
“Hello, Zarzar,” she replied, giving her a hug before her gaze fell on me.
“Well, would you look who it is.”
I slid from the booth and wrapped my arms around her. It had been months since I’d seen my sister, and she looked well, her light brown hair was way longer than when last I’d seen her.
“Good to see you, bro. Wow, you’re looking fantastic.” She patted my stomach. “Are those actual abs?”
“I’ve always had abs,” I proclaimed, and she chuckled.
“If you say so.”
My eyes met Shannon’s. She’d been observing our exchange, but her gaze quickly flicked back down to the menu.
“Shannon, come give me a hug,” Fran said, and my ex shuffled from the booth to hug my sister. I noticed her say something low in Shannon’s ear, but the only part I really caught was, “You okay?”
Man, did everyone see me as some sort of villain for turning up without warning? The truth was I’d been yearning to come home for months. I was sick of the road, sick of sleeping on buses or in soulless hotel rooms. I just wanted to be with my family.
Shannon slid back into the booth, and I let Fran sit next to her since she probably didn’t want me that close. I was prepared to honour whatever boundaries she needed—within reason.
“So, where are you staying while you’re home?” Fran asked.
“He’s staying with us,” Mam told her.
Fran’s eyebrows jumped. “In your old bedroom?” I nodded, and she looked to Mam. “I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t turn it into a craft room after all.”
I shot my mother an amused look. “You were going to do that?”
“Well, you’d been gone so long we weren’t sure you’d ever want to stay there again.”
Of course, I’d want to. My childhood bedroom held only good memories, so many of them involving Shannon.
It was where we’d hung out and played video games and later where we’d chill and watch endless episodes of Red Dwarf.
Her parents had been workaholics and were barely ever home, so she’d spent most of her evenings at my house.
“Don’t worry, son. I won’t let her do it,” Dad put in with a wink just as the waiter arrived to take our order.
I opted for the beef tagliatelle while Zara ordered her favourite, spinach ravioli.
She was such a healthy kid, probably because Shannon was so great at teaching her about vegetables and nutrition.
It was safe to say I never would’ve ordered anything that involved spinach when I was eight.
“So, are you thinking of finally buying a place, or will you be staying with Mam and Dad indefinitely?” Fran asked, taking a sip of water.
“He can stay with us for as long as he needs,” Mam put in. “There’s no rush to buy. The market is crazy right now.”
She shot me a reassuring look, and I knew both my parents would be happy to have me home for as long as I needed. They’d missed me just as much as I’d missed them.
“I haven’t really thought about it,” I said.
“Dad, if you buy a house can I help you pick one?” Zara asked excitably.
My gaze softened. “Of course, honey.”
“And can I have my own room?”
“That goes without saying.”
She gave a little squeal. “And can I paint it purple and green?”
Fran winced. “Purple and green, Zarzar? You sure?”
Zara folded her arms. “Those are my favourite colours.”
“Well, your taste is questionable, kid,” Fran replied and stuck out her tongue.
“Hey, if my granddaughter wants to paint her bedroom like the Joker, then that’s her prerogative,” Dad interjected, and everyone laughed.
“I don’t care what you all think. Purple and green are still my favourite.”
“I think it’s a lovely combination,” Shannon said, reaching out to touch Zara’s hand.
I loved how she was always so gentle with her.
I wasn’t sure how Shannon turned out to be such a natural mother because her own was far from it.
Honor Guerin was about as maternal as a king cobra.
Speaking of which, I glanced past my sister to Shannon.
“How are your parents?”
“They’re doing well. Singapore suits them.”
“Have they been home to visit recently?”
She shook her head. “Not for a while. They want me and Zara to visit them, but I’ve been too busy with work.”
“Singapore is quite a long flight,” Mam said just as the waiter returned with some bread for the table.
We all dug in, and the meal passed in friendly conversation.
My eyes kept wandering to Shannon. She’d never been particularly talkative, but it wasn’t because she was shy.
She simply had a very reserved personality, but there was something unusually subdued about her tonight.
As we were leaving the restaurant, I asked if I could have a word.
“What is it?” she asked, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.
I stepped close to her, exhaling as I looked down. “How are you doing with all this?”
Her eyes widened, like she hadn’t expected me to ask that. She bit her lip, and my gaze wandered to her pouty mouth. “Honestly?” she replied, and I nodded. She blew out a breath. “I’m freaking out a little bit.”
A tender smile pulled at my lips. “Understandable.”
“But I also haven’t seen Zara this happy in a long time. I can tell she’s delighted you’re home.”
She really didn’t know how much hearing her say those words meant to me. “I’m delighted to be home. I miss that kid all the time. Even when I get to see her, it never feels like long enough.”
A flicker of emotion passed over her eyes. “You’re a good dad, Jace. She’s lucky to have you.”
I wondered if she was thinking of her own father then.
Just like her mother, he’d been cold and withdrawn, not a hands-on parent in the slightest. It had always confounded me that they were still together because their marriage had seemed just as cold and unfeeling as their parenting.
Perhaps that was why the relationship had lasted.
The lack of emotion suited their reptilian natures.
A short beat of silence elapsed before I said, “So, will I pick her up for school on Monday then?”
I knew I was being a little pushy but this was my kid we were talking about. I didn’t want to miss any more of her life than I already had.
“Oh, right, um,” she trailed off, her eyebrows drawing together before she nodded. “Yes, sure. Let me write down my address.” She began rummaging in her bag for a pen. I pulled out my phone.
“Why don’t you just take my number, and you can text it to me?”
I already knew where she lived. Shannon had bought her house a few months after the divorce went through.
Mam had let slip where she was living, and I’d checked it out on Google maps like the obsessive ex that I was.
It was a cute place with a powder blue door, a terraced red brick affair not too far from my parent’s house.
“Yes, okay,” she replied, seeming nervous to be taking my number. She withdrew her phone, and I quickly called it out.
“Right, so, I guess I’ll be seeing you on Monday, then,” she said after she’d tapped it in.
I smiled fondly. “Bright and early.”
Shannon insisted on taking a taxi home, and when I climbed into my dad’s car, I got the sense that they were all watching me. A subtle hint of Shannon’s perfume remained, and it made my chest ache.
“I think that went well,” Mam said after a few minutes.
“I don’t know,” Fran put in. “Shannon seemed a bit flustered tonight.”
“That’s expected,” Dad added. “She wasn’t anticipating Jace to be back.”
“Can you all quit talking about me like I’m not right here?” I complained.
“We just care about you,” said Mam. “We want you and Shannon to be comfortable around one another. It’s not tenable to keep going on with no contact.”
“You can understand why she wanted it that way,” I said, feeling the need to defend her. “I was a fucking junkie piece of shit the last time we were together.”