Chapter 9
Shannon
Rufus was not, as it turned out, the man of my dreams. After chatting about our jobs, he proceeded to speak about his marriage, the reasons it fell apart, and basically why it was all his ex-wife’s fault.
It was clear he was still processing the split and certainly wasn’t ready for a new relationship.
But the sad fact of the matter was that I just wasn’t attracted to him. He had a handsome face and a decent physique, but I just didn’t feel the pull I did with … well, Jace. Would every man be overshadowed by my ex? Please say no.
We ended the date after about thirty minutes, and I paid a visit to the bathroom to change out of my heels and into the flats I’d packed in my handbag. I felt like walking back to the house to collect Zara, but no way was I doing it in heels.
Walking was my favourite way to clear my head.
I just always felt better after a long stroll.
It took about forty minutes to get there, and I was already knocking on the door before I realised it was barely eleven thirty.
I’d told Jace I wouldn’t be back until one.
Dammit. He was going to know the date didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.
Thankfully, his mother was the one to answer the door. “Shannon, you’re back early. I just made a berry smoothie. Would you like one?”
“Sure,” I replied and followed her inside. I could hear someone playing the guitar nearby, or at least trying to play. As I passed by the living room, I peered in. Jace was sitting across from Zara. He held an acoustic guitar, and Zara held a much smaller version.
“Okay, so press down on the strings like that,” Jace said, instructing Zara on where to place her fingers. “And now strum.” Zara strummed, then smiled wide.
“Perfect, you just played a C chord. How does that feel?”
“I want to learn how to play Olivia Rodrigo,” Zara said, and Jace laughed.
“Okay, rockstar, but you need to learn the basics first.”
Zara pouted, and I found myself smiling as I watched them. Jace must’ve sensed eyes on him because his gaze lifted, meeting mine. He arched an eyebrow, a vaguely pleased expression shaping his features to see I was back so soon. I quickly dragged my gaze away and hurried after his mother.
“Did Jace get Zara a guitar?” I asked as Matilda poured the bright red smoothie into two separate glasses.
“He did. She’s been asking him to teach her for a while, but up until now, he’d been touring so much, and he never had the time.”
“I guess it was going to happen sooner or later. She definitely inherited the musical gene from him.”
“True,” Matilda agreed. “She loves to sing, too.” She took a sip from her smoothie before eyeing me. “Jace mentioned you went on a coffee date?”
I pursed my lips and fiddled with the glass, feeling awkward. “Um, yeah, I did.”
“That’s great. How did it go?”
Wincing, I shot her a disappointed look before sighing and finally taking a sip from the smoothie. Matilda sent me a commiserating frown. “That bad?”
“It’s just … there was no spark. Don’t tell Jace. He’ll be way too pleased.” I spoke low so as not to be overheard.
“He did seem a little agitated while you were gone, but he’s going to have to get used to it,” Matilda said.
“My son will always love you, Shannon, no matter what other relationships the two of you enter into. He was smitten since the day Jay brought you home. We both knew we were going to have a problem, but the two of you got along so well we didn’t have the heart to keep you apart. ”
Her words took me off guard. I’d never considered how our friendship must’ve looked to Jace’s parents.
I mean, at twelve, I wasn’t really thinking about romance, I just wanted a friend, and it was the same for Jace.
The physical attraction and intimacy came later.
But I guess, as adults, Jace’s parents could see how things might progress between us, given how much we’d loved spending time together as kids.
“I’ll always love him, too, but not like I used to. It can’t be that way between us anymore. The trust was broken.” Emotion caught in my throat.
“I know, honey,” Matilda reached across the counter to squeeze my hand.
“The two of you will reach a better place. It’s just going to take time to get there.
My son is possessive of the things and people he loves, so he might be difficult for a little while as you start dating, but he’s a good man, and he’s got a kind heart.
He’ll get used to it eventually. Deep down, all he wants is for you and Zara to be safe and happy. ”
I knew she was trying to reassure me and make me feel better, but what she said only made me feel sad. Why did it make me sad? The idea of Jace reaching a place where he was okay with me being with someone else should give me hope, so why did I feel so hollow?
“Mammy, look what Daddy got me!” Zara exclaimed as she entered the room. I turned and found her brandishing the guitar like a trophy.
“Wow, a guitar! That’s amazing,” I replied, beaming at her because she looked so pleased with herself.
“He taught me how to play some chords. They’re kinda boring, but they’re the building blocks of a song. Did you know that?”
“I do now,” I said and swept a hand over her soft hair just as Jace came into the kitchen. He set his own guitar down in the corner, then picked up a small case.
“Do you want to keep it here or bring it home with you?” he asked Zara.
“I want to bring it home. That way, I can practice before our next lesson.” A tender, proud smile graced Jace’s lips as he nodded. “All right, but you’ll have to keep it in this case so it doesn’t get damaged.”
“Okay,” Zara replied, bobbing her head while Jace showed her how to store the guitar in the case. I watched, quietly sipping the smoothie before Jace finally glanced my way. “You heading back now?”
“Just as soon as I’ve finished this,” I said, holding up the smoothie.
“Let’s go say goodbye to your granddad,” Matilda said before looking to me, “He’s upstairs working on his new show.”
It had been about two years since Jace’s dad had last toured as an illusionist. I thought maybe he was set to retire, but supposedly, he was working on a brand new show, so he clearly wasn’t slowing down any time soon.
While Matilda had her workshop out the back of the house, the converted attic space was where Jay worked on his magic tricks.
It was also where his pet doves, affectionately named Patsy and Eddie, who he often used in his shows, lived in a fancy enclosure.
As far back as I could remember, he’d kept doves, though the ones he’d had when I was a child had passed away a couple years back.
I’d been fascinated when he’d performed such simple tricks, like producing them out of thin air or showing me an empty hat before suddenly both doves would fly out.
I was still thinking about that sense of awe when Jace said, “I hope it’s okay that I got her this. I commissioned it from my friend, Bren. He’s a very talented luthier.”
Bren? Wasn’t that his sponsor? “Oh, well, it’s beautiful. You can see the craftsmanship.” I scratched my ear, flicking him a glance. “How did you and Bren meet?”
“At the clinic. Bren had been volunteering, leading some group activities, and eventually, he became my sponsor.”
“Is he still your sponsor?”
Jace nodded. “We mostly talk about music now. Plus, he’s been teaching me the basics of how to build a guitar. I find it meditative. He’s still there for me on my rough days, though.”
“And do you have many of those?” I asked, swallowing thickly.
The quiet in the room seemed to thicken. Something in his gaze intensified. “Never when you and Zara are around and never like I used to. Listen, Shannon, my druggie days are behind me. I’m not the same person—"
“You don’t have to explain yourself,” I said, focusing on the guitar. “It really is a gorgeous instrument. Zara’s wanted one for a while, and she seems so happy that you’re going to teach her.”
Several emotions passed over his features before he seemed to understand that I wasn’t in the right headspace to get into a deep chat about his recovery from drugs. At last, he accepted my change of subject. “Yeah, she’s a quick learner, too. Might even be a natural.”
“Just like you,” I said, remembering the day Jace bought his first guitar.
He’d shut himself in his room for a couple hours, and when I came back over to hang out, he’d already taught himself how to play “House of the Rising Sun.” He’d been fifteen years old, and I was pretty sure it was the first time I’d realised I wanted him to kiss me.
The sound of his singing voice awakened a part of me that had yet to blossom.
He smiled and rose, handing me the small guitar case. Our eyes met, and I expected him to ask about the date, quiz me on how it went, but all he said was, “You okay to carry this?”
“Sure,” I replied and then Zara was back, asking if we could have chicken nuggets for dinner.
The entire walk back to my house, I felt unbalanced.
Why was it that I found Jace annoying when he acted like he didn’t want me to go on the date?
But then I was also weirdly bothered by his casual nonchalance when I arrived back.
I really needed to sort my head out and decide how I wanted him to act around me.
It certainly wasn’t healthy to subconsciously crave his jealousy.
The following morning, I was up earlier than usual because I had to go into the office. Every fourth Monday of the month, I was required to attend in-person meetings and strategy sessions, which I didn’t mind because it got me out of the house and interacting with real humans.
When Margie arrived for our pre-arranged coffee, I’d just finished dressing and blow drying my hair. Like me, she walked everywhere or used public transport, so there was no call for Viola to complain about parking when she visited.
“Well, how did it go?” Margie asked excitedly as I led her inside.