Chapter Four
Yalina ”Yaya” Blackwell
“Damn, Ya. You not even listening. Fuck,” Sav barked into the phone.
I stared at my phone sitting on the counter on speaker, rolling my eyes as I turned my attention back to my laptop.
“Sorry. I was reading this email before my next meeting.”
“Always about fucking work whenever I’m on the phone,” she continued.
I nearly popped my eyeballs out of my sockets from how hard I rolled them before powering off my laptop. Taking a deep breath, I counted down from ten before responding.
“Sav, I don’t know why you think work stops because you called me. I can do both at the same time if you didn’t know.”
“Obviously, you can’t if you didn’t hear what the fuck I just said.”
“What did you say?”
She paused.
I glanced at my watch, packed my laptop into my tote, grabbed an energy drink from the fridge, and slung my bag over my shoulder, holding the can in one hand and my phone in the other.
“Jonah came to visit me the other day––said he wanted to make sure I was straight.”
This wasn’t new news; Jonah had texted me beforehand to let me know he was going to visit her, which is why he missed our virtual meeting with the realtor.
“How’d it go?”
Even without me being in front of her, I could picture her shrugging.
“Shit was regular. He asked if I needed anything, and we talked for a little while. It felt strange seeing him in a suit and acting all proper, like he’s not… never mind.”
I snorted because Jonah was anything but proper.
The only reason he probably wore a suit when he went to visit her was because he was going to or coming from a meeting.
Jonah is very much the opposite of proper.
I’ve lost count of how many times I had to pinch or elbow him during meetings because he would say whatever came to his mind without thinking first.
“He doesn’t act proper. I mean, he wears a suit sometimes, but Jonah is definitely not proper,” I said, biting the corner of my lip as I thought about Jonah Cross.
The line went quiet for a few seconds.
“Why the fuck do you know so much about how he acts, Yalina?”
I rolled my eyes and pressed the elevator button to go down to the parking garage, hoping my signal would weaken so I could end the call.
“He’s Nazira’s godfather. He’s always around, Sav. Why do you act like I shouldn’t know him?”
Sav was extremely jealous, and her jealousy worsened after she was arrested and sent upstate to serve time for a gun charge.
I couldn’t do anything without her becoming insanely jealous, which often led her to want to fight anyone she thought was even remotely interested in me.
It’s a miracle my friendship with Tatiana lasted because ever since Sav came into my life, she had a habit of pushing away anyone close to me.
This was the reason Tatiana and Sav didn’t get along, as well as why my relationship with my sister was strained.
Sav had come between me and Bloom, creating a tension neither of us knew how to fix.
We were trying, but the damage was already done.
Bloom hated Sav’s possessiveness and disrespect.
It was always about Sav, as if I wasn’t on the outside holding down everything while she made pointless calls and always asked for money on her books.
I could have tolerated it if she had left money behind.
But it was my money supporting us, and all I ever got were complaints because I didn’t do things quickly enough for her.
Or if work consumed me and I was too exhausted to visit her, I was called selfish and unreliable.
It was always about Sav’s wants and needs, never about me.
We had been together for four years, with her incarcerated for two of those years.
Our relationship was already rocky before Sav got locked up, and I had planned to end things because two years was enough wasted time.
I was ready to move on and start a new chapter.
But then Karim passed away, and I found myself torn between being there for my best friend and caring for my girlfriend, who had little family since her mother threw her out when she came out of the closet.
I’ve always been a sucker and na?ve when it comes to my heart.
I kept people around who I should have cut off, and Sav was one of them.
I let her manipulate my guilt, which resulted in us staying together, and me counting down until she was free so I could finally end it.
Sav worked for Karim, and I first met her when she came by the house to pick something up.
Things were always kept quiet whenever it came to Karim’s activities.
Tatiana knew her family was involved in illegal dealings, but turned a blind eye.
Whenever someone showed up, they would head straight down to his office to handle business.
I’d never thought about being with a woman––ever.
I’d always been drawn to men, and no woman had ever caught my attention––until Sav.
The day Sav walked in, my body reacted in a way it never had before.
Her locs were twisted into long ropes that hung down her back, and tattoos covered every inch of her light skin.
The one that hooked me was the tattoo of Lauryn Hill’s iconic album cover.
That album was everything to me, and seeing it etched into her skin had me intrigued.
When she winked before swaggering behind Karim to his office, I couldn’t look away.
But I wasn’t gay...or was I?
At that time, Jonah lived in Miami and only visited the city for business or to spend time with Nazira.
Sav, however, was always around because she was one of Karim’s top workers.
After Karim passed away, Jonah moved back to New York to be there for Tatiana and Nazira.
He had been a silent investor in the spa, but recognizing that Tatiana was overwhelmed following Karim’s death, he stepped up and took control to ensure Hush remained successful.
The only reason Jonah cared to visit Sav was out of respect for her relationship with Karim.
He knew his best friend, and he thought Karim would have wanted to make sure she was good while serving her time.
Jonah had always been loud with his dislike for Sav, saying she walked around like she had two balls in her pants instead of a pussy.
She had a problem with respecting the pecking order, which is why they butted heads.
With Karim now gone, where would that leave Sav?
How would she make money? I knew Sav well, and I knew she would rather be homeless and broke than beg Jonah to work for him.
“If I was right in front of you, I’d put your head through the fucking wall again,” Sav snarled into the phone.
I stared at my phone as if it were possessed.
“Then you’ll end up in the emergency room with a knife sticking out of your leg…again,” I responded, reminding her of what happened the last time she put her hands on me.
I would be damned if I allowed anyone to abuse me physically ––especially a woman.
She chuckled. “Feisty ass. I told you I was sorry about that. You never apologized to me, though.”
“I’m never going to apologize for defending myself. And for you to think that kind of violence is cute or something to joke about is sick.” Reaching my car, I pressed the key fob to unlock the door. “Sav, I have to head to this meeting. Is that all you wanted?”
I was over the conversation before it even started.
She never called to check on me or ask if I was okay.
It was always about her, and I was drained.
I wanted a relationship where someone genuinely cared about my feelings, would surprise me with flowers just because, and made me feel special on random days for no other reason than they valued me.
I dreamed of that kind of love. But all I had was an aggressive bitch who acted like she was on her period all the time.
She sucked in her breath. I knew she wanted to say more but decided it would be best to stay quiet to avoid an argument.
“Nah,” she replied.
“Cool,” I said, quickly ending the call as I slid behind the steering wheel.
Before Sav went to prison, I felt lonely in our relationship and wasn’t sure why I was holding on.
I mean, I knew why, but did her happiness matter more than mine?
I used to think that distance proved love was strong, but being apart taught me a great deal about myself.
I’ve always struggled with understanding my sexuality since being with her.
Each time I tried to have a conversation about it with Sav, she’d dismiss me, saying, “You like pussy, Yaya. I be sucking that shit off the bone, and you like it.” What she didn’t know was that I envisioned a man during our intimate moments.
Sav used to get upset because I always wanted her to use a strap-on, and I never gave her oral sex.
Then there was the time Bloom took me to a gay club for my birthday.
I spent the entire time holding my drink and not interacting with anyone.
This confusion about my sexuality lingered until Sav was gone.
That’s when I realized I wasn’t gay. Yes, I loved Sav. ..but not women, if that makes sense.
Ending things with her wasn’t just about my sexuality.
It was about being tired of putting energy into a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere.
I was thirty-one, ready to have children and be someone’s wife, which I had wanted since my twenties.
With her, there were endless excuses when I brought up visiting fertility clinics and sperm banks.
She always said it wasn’t the right time, and because I loved her, I foolishly let her feed me that bullshit.
But not anymore. I would no longer sacrifice my happiness for hers.
Traffic was a bit heavy, so I focused back on the road instead of getting lost in my thoughts.
The last thing I needed was to rear-end someone and end up being late because of it.
Whenever we had meetings, I liked to arrive before Tatiana.
It didn’t matter that we were best friends; I took my role as her personal assistant seriously.
Tatiana had created an opportunity for me to earn a living, and because of her, I now owned properties, which further boosted my income.
There aren’t enough words in the dictionary to thank her for the kindness she extended to me and my sister.
Besides being her assistant, Tatiana gave me a twenty percent stake in the spa––ten percent came from what she owned, and the other ten from Jonah’s.
Instead of dwelling on what Sav refused to give me, I threw myself into work.
Now, here I was a few years later. Sav was in prison, and I was no closer to becoming a mother or wife.
Enough is enough.