Chapter Eleven #3
“Stop talking in circles and let me know what the fuck is up? We go back a long way, Naz.”
Naz and I grew up in the same hood, and there was always mutual respect between us.
So, when it came to needing protection, I knew this nigga was the one I wanted to go with.
I didn’t need a bunch of uptight bitches who did things by the book.
If some shit popped off, I needed to know the problem would be handled without involving the police.
Naz and his security team would make sure of that.
“Why was the money returned, Naz?”
He clasped his hands together and rested them on his stomach. “I think you already know, Jonah.”
“Stop fucking with me.”
“I’m not going to charge to protect my daughter and the woman who should’ve been my wife.”
It was one thing to suspect it; it was another to actually hear it come from his mouth.
Even as I sat across from him, I could see Nazira all through his face.
Karim not being Nazira’s biological father wasn’t a secret to me.
I knew Nazira had a father out there. I just never imagined we would cross paths this way.
“Man to man, what’s the story behind the two of you?”
He relaxed some, his hands dropping to the arms of the chair as he looked at me.
“She’s the love of my life––the one I let get away. There hasn’t been a woman who could compare since.”
“If she’s the love of your life, how the fuck or why the fuck would you let her get away?”
He chuckled, mostly to himself. “Back then, I was a fucking coward––weak and scared. I pretended to be a man, but when faced with real-men responsibilities, I got cold feet and ran. Tata was putting her life into my hands, and I was too scared to tell her the truth. I left her when she needed me. That’s some sucka shit I can’t forgive myself for.
I hurt her, probably causing her trust issues now. ”
I admired him for his honesty and for taking accountability.
Many men couldn’t admit their mistakes or accept responsibility for the hurt they caused women, leaving pain etched in their hearts.
It was never “Sorry because I fucked up,” or “I hurt you, and I shouldn’t have done that.
” Nah, they would rather gaslight and shift the blame to the woman.
But here was Nazir––sitting in front of me and admitting his fault.
I couldn’t do anything but respect him for that.
“You think reappearing in her life is going to make things better for her?”
He calmly clasped his hands back together. “No. I think my presence causes her pain and makes her anxious.”
This nigga was too damn honest. I was hoping he would’ve said that his coming back would make it better for Tatiana. Instead, he slapped my ass with a Uno reverse card and had me even more confused about how to respond.
“Naz, what the hell is your endgame? Tatiana and Nazira are family, and I’m here to protect them. They already lost my best friend, and she doesn’t need some bullshit that’s gonna make her want to turn to crack.”
Nazir jerked his head back, confused by my statement. “The hell?”
“What I’m saying is I don’t want her stressed out about some shit. Who says you won’t run again?”
“‘Cause I know I can take care of her. Back then, I was a broke twenty-eight-year-old fucking with a rich girl. I had her wanting to leave that life behind to be with me, and I couldn’t handle that pressure. How the fuck was I going to take care of her?”
He had a point. As a man, I understood his perspective.
Tatiana had always known wealth and never experienced life without it.
She didn’t know what struggle meals were or how to survive the winter without heat––just your stove on and the door open, hoping to warm the whole apartment.
I loved her, but she didn’t know shit about the hood.
If Nazir had decided to run away with her, her life would have changed drastically.
“I hear you.”
“I don’t regret my decision.”
I sighed. “Even knowing that she was pregnant with your daughter?”
He leaned forward again. “If I hadn’t left and had brought her into my world, I would have done anything to make money to take care of her.
I wouldn’t have moved with precision and brains; it would have been more out of survival because I would’ve had not one, but two mouths to feed.
The way I would’ve been out there, I know I would have landed in prison.
And me landing in prison would have done what for her? ”
“Shit.”
“I don’t regret leaving Tatiana because I felt I was protecting her. However, I regret not being there for her and not being able to be a father to my daughter,” Nazir said softly, his voice quieter than before.
I leaned back in my chair, giving him the space to get it all out. Who was I to judge another man when my own shit wasn’t perfect?
“Since seeing Nazira, that guilt has haunted the fuck out of me. Even after hurting Tatiana, she still named her after me. She still chose me during a time when I wasn’t there for her. It hurts me because my daughter knows another man as her father.”
“For what it’s worth, he was good to her,” I said, making sure he knew it. “I don’t know how much that helps you, but Karim treated Tatiana and Nazira like gold.”
Nazir nodded slowly while focusing on his hands. Still, I could tell that knowing this mattered to him. It may not have soothed the pain he felt, but it made him feel something.
“I know I can’t undo all the pain that I caused Tata,” he said, his voice rougher. “But I’m here, and I want to fix it. Do the work to earn her trust back and heal the heart I’m responsible for breaking.”
This was a conversation he needed to have. I could tell from the way his hands clenched at his sides, as if he was trying to keep himself from falling apart.
“Nazira is my daughter,” he said, meeting my gaze. “She looks just like my mother and her sister.”
“It’s not my place to speak on the decisions Tatiana has to make. I’m Nazira’s godfather, and I love that little girl more than the moon and stars. I’m just here…supporting Tatiana in whatever she wants.”
He slowly shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe the universe was playing a part in him reuniting with his family.
Something from his past, which had scared him before, had come back to him.
Another chance for him to prove himself and show Tatiana he could be what she needed, not just financially.
“I want a chance to step up and be the man they both need.”
His eyes locked with mine, and I reached across the table to give him a dap.