Chapter Sixteen
Yaya
The city’s lights lit up the dark room. Even though I had closed the balcony door, I left the curtains open. The light illuminated Jonah’s face as he continued to stare at me. All emotions were out in the open, so the room was quiet. Everything felt calm right now, and I embraced that.
I needed calm.
Jonah remained on the edge of the bed, one hand resting low on my back like he wasn’t ready to let me out of his arms. He wanted me to stay right here because the second I moved, all of this would be a thing of the past. As if he knew it would never happen again if he let me go.
Neither of us said a word. We didn’t need to.
Our breaths were enough as we listened to the faint hum of the central air in the room.
I slowly removed myself from his lap and crawled over toward the place I had been sitting before he pulled me over toward him.
I pulled my legs up to my chest, hugging them tightly.
My oversized shirt slipped off one shoulder, and before I could fix it, his hand reached out and gently pulled the fabric back into place.
His fingers brushed against my bare skin, sending shivers down my spine. It was how gentle he was that caused that pesky-ass lump to appear in my throat. I tried to swallow it back down, but staring into this man’s eyes was emotional for me.
Allowing anyone to see me like this felt raw. Like I had opened my front door and allowed anyone to come in. I’ve been someone who went through things alone, and when I needed someone, it was always Tatiana.
I felt exposed, transparent, as if he could see right through me. I wasn’t the Yaya who he flirted with and shared playful banter. He saw me as a mess, a wreck that needed to be fixed. I wasn’t as controlled as I appeared.
“You good?” he asked, his voice rough like he hadn’t used it in a while.
He cleared his throat and looked over for my answer.
Wiping my face, embarrassed to even be in this situation, I nodded my head. “Yeah.”
He removed himself from my side of the bed and walked toward the other side. The bed dipped when he sat down. Putting his back against the headboard, he spread his long legs out.
“You don’t gotta be good for me, Yummy.”
I smiled. “You are sticking with that nickname, huh?”
He ignored my question. “You don’t always have to hold it together all the time. With me, you can break, fall apart, and I promise I’m gonna hold you together so the pieces don’t fall.”
It pained me how much those words broke me all over again.
Hearing him tell me that he would be strong for me.
Hold me together if I needed him to, and he didn’t want anything in return.
He didn’t want me to hurt and continue to be the strong person.
Jonah wanted to be strong for me. He wanted to show me that it was okay to feel shit and allow those emotions out.
I remained quiet for a while, picking at my shirt, pretending like the thread unraveling was more important than this conversation.
Without thinking, before I could get inside of my head and talk myself out of it, I shifted closer to him.
My breath was barely coming out, as I listened to my heartbeat through my ears.
I had gotten so close that our arms were touching.
I rested my head against his chest and listened to the steadiness of his heart. He didn’t move; he allowed me to become comfortable on him. He let out a breath and wrapped one arm around me, tugging me closer into him.
My eyes became heavy, and all I wanted to do was rest. Quiet my mind so I could sleep peacefully. I felt him kiss my head, so soft and gentle that had I been asleep, I would have missed it.
“You don’t have to say anything, Yummy. Just let me hold you tonight.”
We didn’t need to dissect what was happening, and I was grateful for that. He wanted to hold me, and I was going to let him do that. I curled into him, his skin soft against my cheek. His scent drove me wild.
His hands found their way to my ass, and he gently rubbed my ass in slow circular motions, forcing my eyes to close and sleep to find me. The sound of his calm heart and the motion of his rubs had me snoring seconds later.
I had zoned out behind my desk, a stack of papers scattered around.
As if I didn’t have a ton of work, I had been daydreaming about Vegas and that moment between me and Jonah.
That night kept replaying in my mind on a loop.
It was all I thought about, and if I could, I would go right back to that exact moment.
“Glad that you have joined us again.”
Tatiana’s voice forced me to look at the doorway, where she was leaning, watching me.
I started messing with the papers on my desk. “How long have you been there?”
“Long enough to be concerned.”
She took my question as her invitation to enter my office and make herself comfortable on the chair in front of my desk.
“There’s no reason to be concerned. I am, however, concerned about you rushing us to leave and not telling Nazir that you were leaving.”
The morning after the meeting, Tatiana came to my suite with security and told me that she was going to leave.
Made some excuse about wanting to get back home because she had a lot of work to do.
It was less about the work and more about something else, but she refused to talk about it.
All I knew was that I found myself rushing around my suite to pack my clothes so we could catch a commercial flight back to New York.
Jonah came out his side of the suite when I was almost done.
Tatiana refused to tell either of us what was going on, and since he still had meetings in Vegas, he couldn’t leave to come with us. As long as we had security, he was cool with us leaving. Emilio was going to be at the airport to pick us up the moment we landed.
“Why would you be concerned with me? I’m doing amazing,” she said, crossing her legs and trying to act nonchalant.
I stared at her for a second longer, making her uncomfortable. “You fucked him.”
“What?”
I pointed my finger at her while squinting my eyes. “You had sex with Nazir, and now you are avoiding him.”
From the way her ass was over there fidgeting, I could tell there was truth to what I had accused. Tatiana had been keeping herself busy since we had been back from Las Vegas––spending as much time as she could with Zira while also working a lot.
Nazir hadn’t been to the house, and when he did pop over, Tatiana was never there. She was either at the spa or somewhere in the house, avoiding him.
“You sound crazy. I should be concerned about you and Jonah.”
“He comforted me after our conversation we had. Allowed me to lay on him, and it felt good. I don’t know how I feel, or if it even means anything. Now you go.”
“We had sex, Yaya. Sex that had me feeling like I could forget what the hell happened. It was so deep and raw that I had tears. He had me crying while he was making love to me...‘cause that’s what he was doing. Showing me that he never stopped loving me.”
I was less interested in the incoming call from Sav that I quickly silenced and was more concerned with my friend. “And then you left him the next morning. Pretty petty if you ask me.”
“I found myself sleep, Yaya. Actually sleep in his arms, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t allow myself to fall back into it with him. I can’t trust that he won’t leave again…leave me high and dry.”
“You don’t even believe those words yourself.”
She crossed her arms. “How do you figure?”
“You wouldn’t have allowed him in. He wouldn’t have been able to make love to you if you didn’t trust him. I think the problem is that you trust him, and that scares you. How could you trust a man who abandoned you… That’s the thought that scares you.”
“It’s not crazy of me to have those thoughts, Yaya.”
I sighed and leaned on the desk. “You’re not crazy to have those thoughts, but you are crazy to jump in bed with him knowing the history you two have together. That wasn’t two people hooking up after a few drinks. It was two people’s souls connecting again.”
“I made sure to take a Plan B soon as I got back,” she added.
“And raw? Gurl.”
“He has a girlfriend and a daughter,” Tatiana blurted.
I paused. “Seriously?”
“Yes, and he never confirmed or denied it. I’m so dumb at times. Why would I give myself to him knowing these things? He moved on and had a life without me.”
“You did, too…even if it was an arranged marriage. You could have divorced Karim, but you fell in love and lived a life with him. I’m not saying that Nazir wasn’t a thought, but I can bet he wasn’t as important in your life as he used to be.
He was allowed to move on and have a life, just like you went on and had one. ”
“Then why is he telling me how much he missed me and loves me, but has a girlfriend?”
“You just said that he didn’t confirm it, so why are you assuming he has one? What if he just has a baby mother?”
“That’s even worse,” she groaned dramatically.
“How long do you plan on avoiding him?” I wondered.
She shrugged. “Until I can act normal in front of him. The way he sexed me, I don’t see me being able to keep my cool around him. Actually, we don’t need to see each other ever.”
“The drama. Sheesh.”
She laughed. “All I know is that I need to focus on other things. Have you reached out to the realtor? It shouldn’t take this long. Does the seller even want to make money?”
“I have that on my list of things to do today. While we were in Vegas, I called and left a voicemail with him.”
“Cool. Lunch later?”
I looked at the time, and then back at my best friend. “I think I’m going to take a ride to visit Sav. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks, and I know today is the day for free visits.”
“You pay to visit her?” Tatiana said with pure disgust.
“No. Today is when you can go without having to schedule and get approval. It allows other felons to be able to see their loved ones. It’s only an hour drive, and I can see her for a few.”