Chapter 13 Amelia
Amelia
Chewing on my thumb nail, I fail to soothe the nausea crippling me.
It’s far worse than the morning sickness.
Telling my dad I’m pregnant is the worst thing I’ve ever had to do.
His disappointment is going to kill me and if I could hide it from him, I would.
But I can’t and I have to deal with whatever consequences come my way.
I thought about talking to Clare but the sneaky voice in the back of my mind kept stopping me from reaching out to her.
How has it come to this? Where I can’t talk to my best friend.
The one person outside of my family I have known the longest, who I’ve always been able to tell anything and everything to.
My butt long ago went numb as I sit on the bottom step of the stairs waiting for my dad to come home from the office.
I had hoped Darius would’ve had the answers.
I was stupid to believe he’d be of any use.
It’s been three days since I ran out of Tariq’s house, their laughter chasing me, and I vowed I’d never return, and I won’t.
I will never again give him the satisfaction of seeing me plead for his time.
The front door opens, and I suck in a deep breath as dad dumps his briefcase by the key table and smiles warmly when he sets his eyes on me.
“Hey, sweetheart. You waiting on me?”
Nodding, I grip onto the banister and pull myself up.
Here goes.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out before I can change my mind and come to regret it later.
His smile drops into a frown and we both stand in the foyer saying nothing for what feels like forever.
Eventually he scrubs his face and looks away.
That does it for me, the tears come, and I sit back down on the stairs to save myself from falling.
My legs tingle with numbness and I hide my head in my knees. I can’t watch him hate me.
“Oh, sweetheart…”
His voice grows closer, and I’m wrapped in his arms and squashed against him. I cling to him, and the tears come harder.
“It’s okay, I’m here…” he soothes but it doesn’t help the disgust I feel for myself.
“Come on, let’s get you a glass of water and some tissues.”
He helps me up to my feet and the walk into the kitchen is quiet. I sit at the table and watch him pour me a glass of water and grab a couple of sheets of paper roll.
He joins me at the table, and ushers me to drink up. It reminds me of when I was a little girl and was sick, and he’d look after me.
I’m about to ask him what he’s thinking when he asks, “What do you plan to do regarding college? I mean, do you wish to keep the baby?”
It’s funny, I’ve had no idea what I wanted to do after school. And now I’m in a sticky situation my future has never been so clear.
“I want to keep it and still go to school. And after I have my degree, I’ll join you at the publishing house and I’ll provide.”
“It’s going to be challenging, Amelia. It sounds like a good plan on paper, but in reality, it’s going to be one of the toughest things you do in life.”
“I get that, but I’ll show you that I can and will do it.”
“I don’t doubt that, sweetheart, but I…” His soft smile disappears and then he asks, “Who’s the father? A boy from school?”
My heart sinks, he’s going to hate me, but I can’t hide it from him.
“No, he’s from Dog City. I haven’t told him and I’m not going to.”
“A gangbanger?” he gasps and my chest locks tight.
It’s not all he is, or so I thought, but I don’t tell my dad that. I simply nod.
“Goodness Christ, Amelia,” he barks.
“Please don’t be angry with me. I’m going to do this on my own, I’ll show you I can figure it out.”
He leans over and hugs me, rubbing my back soothingly.
“I know you will, I don’t doubt that, but you won’t be on your own. You’ve got me. I’ll be right here for you both.”
Pulling away, I ask, “You will?”
“Amelia, there isn’t anything you can do that I wouldn’t support you. I wish this wasn’t the case at your age, but life happens and it’s how you deal with it that makes you who you are and while I haven’t quite got my head around it, I know you’ll still do well in life.”
I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear it. A weight has been lifted and I feel like I can breathe again.
“Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. Now, I’ll order takeout tonight and we’ll have a nice dinner, see if we can cheer you up.”
I want to cry. But in a happy way.
I’m glad I told my dad everything. The weight of keeping a huge secret from him is worse than anything I’ve felt before. The sun rose a while ago and at least I haven’t woken with the nausea I’ve had all week.
Having my father’s support means everything to me. He was the only one I was truly scared to tell and now he knows, there isn’t anyone I feel the need to share the news with and concern myself with their opinion.
A knock at my door interrupts the early morning silence and it opens and dad pops his head in.
“Oh good, you’re awake. I’ve made you an appointment to get checked out, make sure everything is as it should be.”
Sitting up, I can’t help but shed a tear. The relief is too much, and I smile in response.
“You should get washed and dressed, we’ll have breakfast and then we’ll have to get going.”
Though I have his support, he’s still quiet throughout breakfast and on the drive to the hospital.
It’s no surprise he’s made the appointment at the Angel East Hospital.
It’s for the sick people of Bolton who have the means to get better with the best help available.
Someone like Darius wouldn’t make it through the door, let alone sit with a doctor.
He’d have to go to Bolton General. I don’t know why I’m thinking of him or what his situation would be, and I lock it down in the back of my mind as I climb out of the car.
Dad remains quiet after he books me in, and we sit side by side in the waiting area in silence. The couch is soft underneath me and the place looks more like a luxury apartment than a hospital waiting room.
Money really does speak volumes. I’ve always known half the city lived a different life to the rest but since spending time with Darius, it’s never been so clear and now all I can think about.
“Amelia Haynes.”
Dad nudges my arm when I don’t move, and I stand. I go to follow the nurse when I notice I’m alone. Turning around, dad is still sat on the couch, and I frown.
“Are you not coming with me?”
“Do you want me to?”
Nodding, I breathe easier when he stands, and we follow the nurse.
She instructs me to change behind the curtain and once I’m in the unflattering gown, I get comfortable on the bed.
Excitement is dizzying as she squirts cold jelly on my stomach.
I don’t know what to expect but nothing prepares me for when she asks if I can hear the repetitive whooshing and explains it’s the baby’s heartbeat.
“Dad, can you hear that?”
Rolling my head to look at him, he’s smiling, and his eyes are filled with water.
“I hear it, sweetheart. It’s strong.”
The nurse smiles at us both and I swallow thickly through the hundred different emotions coursing through me.
“You’re around nine weeks along…”
I admit, I don’t really hear everything she goes on to tell me. I can’t tear my eyes away from the little computer screen.
That’s my baby. A tiny grey blob that doesn’t even resemble a baby. I’m going to love you forever, I vow and flinch when the nurse wipes the gel from my stomach.
Over the next hour, I have my blood and glucose levels checked. All manners of tests and checks. I’m given a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and I leave the hospital with my world forever changed. It’s so real now.
Back in the car, dad sits without turning the engine on. Both of us content to soak in the amazing moment we just shared.
“From today, your life will never be the same.”
“I know I’m young, Dad, but I’m ready for it.”
He smiles at me. “Yeah, I can see that.”
I stare at the scan photo all the way home and place it on my nightstand where I can fall asleep to it every night and wake up to it every morning. Rubbing my stomach, I can’t wait till I can feel him or her moving around.
All the worries and concerns I’ve had melt away. The scan has made it oh so real and a bout of excitement bolts through me.
Wrapping my hair in a towel, I dry off and pull my robe on. Walking into my room, I stop and find Clare sat on my bed, with my scan in her hand.
My dad must’ve let her in while I was in the shower.
“Are you pregnant?”
It’s not something I’m going to hide but admitting it to her could change everything yet again.
I can only nod.
“Tell me you’re joking.”
“No, I’m not, and I’m keeping it.”
“You’re eighteen,” she points out like I’m not aware of it myself.
“I was old enough to get pregnant, I’m old enough to decide how I deal with it.”
“There are ways you can…”
Holding up my hand, I signal for her to stop.
“There’s no need to finish that sentence. I’m choosing to keep it and I’m going to make it work.”
“Darius hasn’t said anything.”
Looking away, I can’t bear the thought of her seeing him around when I haven’t. My silence has her eyes widening.
“He doesn’t know, does he?”
“It’s my baby, Clare. I went to tell him, but he wouldn’t talk to me, so no, he doesn’t know, and he’s not going to.”
She puts the scan picture down and slips off the bed.
“He has a right to know.”
“Regardless, how am I supposed to tell him when he won’t give me the time of day?”
“You blurt it out, shout it, do anything so he hears you.”
“He made it real clear how he feels about me, I’m not chasing him around looking like a damn fool.”
“But he could feel differently about the baby. His baby.”
“Why are you so concerned about him?” I throw at her suspiciously.
“He can’t stand you. He was always trying to show me how you weren’t a good friend to me, and right this minute, I can see he was right.
” Her gasp irritates me, and I continue, “You’ve been my best friend since forever, you’ve known Tariq a few months. ”
“You know what, Amelia, do what you want. Fuck your life up if that’s what you want but he has a right to know.”
“Don’t tell him.”
She goes to walk out but I step in her way. “This baby is mine and if you still care about me as your best friend, you won’t tell him.”
“I’m sorry, Amelia.” She barges into my shoulder as she brushes by me and leaves me wondering, what the hell has happened to my best friend?