Chapter 18 Amelia
Amelia
Istart college tomorrow and my first antenatal class is today.
My father said he’d come with me, well, first he said Darius should go with me, but I put my foot down on that idea.
The classes fit in with my college schedule and I don’t need Darius breathing down my neck more than he already does.
I can’t handle being around him and not being with him.
I pull into the parking lot at the community centre as my phone goes off.
I’m sorry I can’t make it.
I throw my phone in my purse and I’m about to get out when I see Darius waiting by the entrance.
Slinking farther into the seat, I don’t have the energy to deal with him today.
He’s keeping true to his word on being there for me, but the awkwardness is tiring.
It wears me down more than my growing stomach.
I should just go home and hire one of those birthing coaches that teach you everything you need to expect. As I’m about to turn the key in the ignition, I glance up and he’s walking straight toward my car.
The collar of his button up covers most of his neck tattoo and his jeans, as ever, fit snugly.
There’s no leaving now, not when he opens my door and braces his arm on the ledge and leans in.
“Are you going to sit here all day?” he asks.
“Of course not.”
“In another good mood today I see,” he mutters and steps back.
“What are you even doing here?” I ask climbing out of the car.
“Your dad called me and said he couldn’t be here and asked if I would join you.”
He did what?
“You should’ve told me, Amelia. I told you I want to be included in every appointment.”
“It’s not a doctor’s appointment. This is to help me prepare for the birth.”
“What, I don’t need to be prepared?” he snaps.
“Not for the birth, no!”
He steps closer to me. I hate it when he does this. There’s nowhere for me to go and his closeness plays on my mind all day, reading into things that are never truly there.
“I’m not missing my daughter’s birth.”
“You can wait outside or something…”
“No. I’ll be there when she takes her first breath. It’s not like I’m some stranger, and it’s not like I haven’t already seen everything that’ll be on show.”
Sighing, I ask, “Why do you keep doing this?”
“What?”
“Pushing for everything your way. Did it ever occur to you that you are like a stranger to me now? I have no clue who you truly are, and you only bring me stress.”
“You better learn to deal with it, babe. You don’t have final say over our child or me. Let’s go.”
He matches my pace as I head inside and holds the door open to the room where the class is being held.
It looks like we’re the last ones to arrive and everyone stares.
“Hi, I’m Jennifer. I’ll be here to help you through your journey to parenthood.”
“Hi, I’m Amelia and this is Darius.”
It would be rude to act like he’s not here, and when I do that, he just puts himself in the centre and introduces himself.
“It’s nice to meet you both. If you’d like to take your place on one of the mats, we’ll get started.”
There are seven other couples and I head over to the mat on the end of the group. Darius is quick to hold my elbow as I sit down but he sits beside me, leaving a wide gap between us.
“You missed the introductions,” Jennifer says, and I feel embarrassed when everyone looks our way. She runs through everyone’s names, and I smile at each of them.
“Why don’t you introduce yourselves and tell us how far along you are.”
I’d rather not but I say, “I’m Amelia and he’s Darius,” I say pointing to him. “And I’m six months along.”
“It’s nice to have you both with us today. I hope you find these classes helpful.”
For the next hour we sit through her telling us what to expect in the last few months of pregnancy and I take everything in she tells us.
All the while she talks, I see fathers-to-be sitting real close to their partners, rubbing their stomachs and backs.
Asking questions, just as interested as the women are.
I want these classes but I’m grateful when it ends.
I quickly wipe the few tears falling down my cheeks as I push open the door and step outside. Darius is close behind and I ignore him until I’m safe in my car and he’s walking over to his waiting ride.
How am I going to cope with him for the rest of my life?
Clare is standing around outside her gates and I slow down to a stop. Lowering my window, I have to call out her name to get her attention from her phone.
“Hey!”
She skips over and leans against my car. She’s unhealthily skinny, her face gaunt and drawn in.
“Are you waiting for Tariq?” I ask.
“Yeah, he’s running late as usual. Oh my God, it feels like forever since I last saw you,” she exclaims.
“We definitely need to catch up,” I say but it feels flat like I know it will never happen.
Her face falls, she’s remembering what happened the last time we saw each other.
“I’m sorry I told Darius about the baby, I’ve been having a shitty few weeks. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time.”
That’ll be the cocaine, but I don’t want to fight with her, so I say, “It’s okay, he was bound to find out eventually.”
“How’s it going with him?”
“It’s not. He says he’ll be there for the baby so I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if he keeps his word.”
“He totally lost it when he found out, started throwing furniture around and everything.”
It shocks me to hear this and I frown. It goes quiet between us, and I struggle to think of something to say. It’s weird. This isn’t how it should be between best friends.
“How are you doing?” I blurt out.
“I’m good. I’m…” She’s distracted by something up the street and with one glance in the sidemirror I see why. Tariq drives up and parks behind me.
It’s like Clare comes alive when he’s nearby.
“Yo, baby, you coming or what?” he hollers and I hate him a little bit more.
I count down from three in my head and she doesn’t let me down. She drops me like a hot potato and gives me a lame apologetic look before saying, “Sorry, babe, gotta go.”
She doesn’t hang around long enough to hear my goodbye. In the mirror, I watch her climb in the back, no doubt with Tariq, as Jermaine is behind the wheel and Darius is in the passenger seat. I go to turn my engine on when he gets out and strolls over.
“You only getting home from class now?” he asks.
“I went shopping,” is all I say.
“Are you okay? You seemed upset as we were leaving.”
Feigning ignorance, I lie, “I’m fine.”
I don’t care if he believes me or not. I went shopping to distract myself from thinking about all the things I’m never going to have.
“If that’s all, I need to go.”
I don’t wait for his answer. I shoot off up the street and key in the code for the gates to open.
The rumble of Jermaine’s car passes by and jealousy consumes me. I’m all alone while everyone else gets to do what they want… be with who they want.