Chapter 32 Amelia
Amelia
“Guilty.”
That one word that causes the most destruction has my legs tingling, going numb from my toes right up to my heart.
I fall back onto the chair and hold onto the arm rests, feeling my skin straining over my knuckles. It’s the only thing I can feel. The rushing of blood is the only thing I can hear other than the judge’s voice. Guilty.
Every breath I take is weighed down by shock, flashes of a future away from my daughter.
My lawyer said I’d be home tonight.
He said I’d be holding my daughter and singing her a lullaby as I put her to bed.
He said this was an easy win for him and I trusted him.
“Let this be a lesson to everyone, it doesn’t matter what your background is, there is a zero-tolerance policy when you are brought before me.”
I try to keep up but the lack of air in my lungs is making it difficult.
“Amelia Haynes, I sentence you to two years to be carried out at the Bolton Correctional Facility. Bailiff, take her away.”
My lawyer whispers something in my ear, but I don’t hear a word, I’m focused on the huge bald guy planting his feet in front of me. He slaps handcuffs on me and pulls me up to my feet. This is not happening.
This is not happening.
This is not happening.
Guilty. This isn’t right. Before I can turn to my dad, I’m dragged from the courtroom, each door slamming shut behind me.
It takes three days before I can use the phone and the only number I know is my father’s. I’m desperate to hear about Elsa and hear her gargled noises over the phone. I need it like air to breathe and survive. Hopefully he can tell me what’s going on.
I listen to the automated voice tell my father who’s calling from the prison and then my father accepting the call.
“Amelia, oh sweetheart, how are you? It’s been hell the last few days waiting for you to call.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve just been…”
I’ve been what? I can’t even think straight to answer him.
“As soon as we’re off the phone, I’m going to put some money onto your books, you’ll be able to get some comforts.”
Looking around, there’s nothing that could comfort me. I don’t tell him this, I don’t want him to worry any further.
“Where was Clare? I thought our lawyer was going to break her?”
That was the plan. To rip apart her testimony and get the truth from her.
“She’s disappeared. No one’s seen her, but Darius is looking.”
I suppose it doesn’t matter now. The verdict has been passed down and I’m wearing an orange jumpsuit.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?”
Inhaling deep, I hold back the tears and say, “I’m okay. I’m just getting used to this place. It’s like a jungle, Dad.”
I hear his short intake of breath and regret saying the wrong thing.
“Just keep your head down. I’m not going to let this lie. I’ll figure something out.”
“I know.”
Yet something inside me is screaming that this is it now and I’d be better off finding my way than trying to fight the inevitable. I have to stop thinking that I’m getting out any day, it’s not happening, and it hurts too much.
“Darius said he’ll bring Elsa to see you once…”
“No, not him. You bring her.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I take them back. “No, I don’t want anyone bringing her here, Dad. She’s too precious to be tainted by this place.”
“Sweetheart, she misses you and I know you’re missing her like crazy. It might do you some good to see her, to hold her.”
Struggling to swallow the lump in my throat, I pick at the phone cord to distract myself.
“I can’t see her just for an hour and then see her leave, I just can’t.”
“Okay, okay.”
The women moaning in the queue behind me grows louder.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“I have to go now, I’ll call in a couple of days, okay?”
“Make sure you do.”
“I will.”
I hang up before I hear him say he loves me, not believing I’ll cope if I do. Back in my cell, I ignore the woman reading her book on the top bunk and curl up on mine. My chest heaves with silent sobs and I let the tears seep into the flat pillow.
“Ain’t no time for crying, little lamb. Dinner’s in five minutes.”
Little lamb. I shudder at the term, taking me back to the night I first met Jermaine. I’ve heard him refer to me as it a number of times but it’s not until now, I truly feel like the lost lamb he thinks I am.
Wiping my eyes, I sit up and she’s sliding into her lace less tennis shoes.
“Everyone around here knows you’re new, fresh meat, don’t give them a reason to think they can take advantage of you. Dab the tears, don’t wipe. Red eyes around here are a weakness you can’t afford and as your bunkie, I don’t need the stress of trouble seeking you out.”
“Sorry.”
Tutting, she shakes her head.
“That word doesn’t leave your lips till the day you get out and are free to speak it, you hear me?”
Nodding, I look in the mirror and sniff hard.
“What’s your name? I can’t keep calling you New Girl.”
“Amelia.”
“I’m Lori. What are you in for and for how long?”
“Possession of an illegal substance with intent to supply. I was given two years.”
There’s no point hiding it. Her eyes pinch as she listens.
“You? A dealer?”
“Not even close,” I mutter.
“So what’s your story?”
I keep my mouth shut.
“Hey, I’m in for a lot longer than you. It takes too much energy to make enemies and watch their every move countering an attack. When I’m bunking with someone, I like to be open and respectful. We’re not all animals in here.”
A hot tear slips down my cheek. “Thank you.”
“Come on.”
Over our dinner, I tell her how I came to end up in this place and it’s nice to have someone other than my dad and Darius know the truth.
“You not going to ask me why I’m in here?”
“Why are you?”
“I was a drinker, got in the car one night because I was out of vodka and woke up in the hospital. They say I fell asleep at the wheel, I killed an entire family. Mom, Dad, their two boys and a baby girl. I have no memory of doing it, but I watched it all via a series of traffic cameras all pieced together.”
“I’m so sorry,” I find myself saying.
“Don’t be sorry for me. I’m exactly where I should be. Feel sorry for the family.”
“I’m sorry that addiction took a hold of you. I’ve seen how it changes people, make them do things they’d never usually would.”
“We’ve all got choices, Amelia. I knew every time I filled my glass, I was doing wrong, taking the easy way out. I live with my ghosts and sometimes we find peace together and sometimes we don’t.”
Finishing up, we store our trays and plastic cutlery on the trolley and make our way back to our cell. The place isn’t as scary with Lori at my side.
The safety net of her closeness is short lived. Thirteen women surround us.
“We heard you’re Darius Madden’s baby momma.”
I keep my mouth shut. How would they know that about me?
“This don’t concern you, Lori, go on back to your cell,” one of the women says.
I feel her hesitance before she slips through the group and disappears from my sight.
Some friend she never turned out to be.
“I don’t know what you’ve heard but…”
The main instigator turns her head to look at her friend, laughing cruelly. A Six-Nighters tattoo covers her neck and my stomach plummets. They belong to Darius’s enemies and I’m all alone here.
“This ain’t happening, bitch.”
I’m pulled back and even more women surround me, but there not looking to hurt me, they’re… protecting me.
I don’t know whether to be grateful or concerned that they’ll want something from me that I’m not willing to give.
The Six-Nighter and the woman fronting up on my behalf come face to face. It’s tense and I hold my breath, thinking it will help somehow.
“You’re on the wrong side, bitch, you wanna stay and get on the wrong side of me? Go ahead.”
The whole thing is over in a matter of seconds, and I blow out a long breath.
Most of the women who stepped in for me walk off, keeping their eyes on the others. But the woman who got in the other’s face, she stares me up and down.
“Amelia Haynes, welcome to the smoothest sentence anyone will ever have around here.”
“What do you mean? Who are you?”
“You don’t need to know. Just that because of you my books are more than looked after. Anyone comes for you, we’ll be here.”
She walks off and as I look around, I notice no one is staring. No one dares. I’ve barely taken two steps into the cell when Lori rolls onto her side, keeping her back to me.
Those women must be from Darius’s gang. Is he looking out for me? I snort. He has some nerve. He’s the reason I’m in this place. Him and Tariq. Tariq leading my friend astray, getting her hooked on coke and who knows what else.
They all deserve each other.