Chapter 9 Alessa #2
“When I was seventeen, I made my first kill. This guy’s face was plastered all over the TV.
Some rich asshole had gotten away with raping a ten-year-old girl.
I planned, hunted him down, and murdered him.
It was the first time my mind felt clear, and I knew what I needed to do.
I started researching every court case where the person got away and took them out.
After my fourth kill, Micah busted me.” I laugh at that.
He wasn’t even shocked. “He’s the one who built the underground torture chamber, helped dispose of the bodies, and got my gear.
All under my dad’s nose.” I hated hiding that from him, but it wasn’t something I ever wanted him to see me as.
A murderer. A serial killer. “My dad was diagnosed with cancer soon after, went into remission, then got sick again right after my twenty-first birthday. He died thirteen months later. He had already put everything into place for me to continue to run his empire, even though I wasn’t ready and probably still not. ”
I look back at Holden, and he has tears on his cheeks.
I reach up and wipe them away with my thumb.
“I’m telling you this because I need you to know I trust you.
I trust you with the information you find, I trust you with the innermost secrets of this family, and I trust you with my truth.
You are a part of this family, Holden.” He closes his eyes, more tears leaking out.
“I'll be here when you’re ready to talk to me. I’ll never push you. ”
He nods and crushes me to his chest. It's awkward how I'm sitting, so I drop my knees and bury my face in his chest.
It is the first time he’s ever hugged me, and it’s like a balm to my soul.
He rubs his hands up and down my back, lending me his strength, even though I can feel the rigid set of his body. I’m serious about not pushing him, even though I want to know so I can understand him better. I want to know if there is something I can do so he will look me in the eye.
He pulls back from the hug all too soon. He turns and looks out at the view. “I’m not ready,” he whispers.
I hook my arm through his and lay my head on his shoulder. “That’s okay.”
This is why I think Gage’s plan will never work, and I’m kind of pissed he put it into my head, anyway.
I’m not fucking blind. All these guys are sexier than sin.
I can appreciate them from a distance when they walk around the house shirtless, in ball shorts or grey sweatpants.
But one wrong move and this will blow up in my face, and I’ll lose all of them.
I also can’t afford any distractions; that’s how people in my position died.
But would they be a distraction?
Fucking hell. I’m going to think myself into an early grave. I’m Alessa Fucking Poletti. I am not a coward like Gage accused me of earlier today.
“The day you got me out, I laid that trail on purpose,” Holden says after some time. I don’t look up at him, too afraid to scare him back into silence. “I was hoping you would kill me.”
I close my eyes, my heart sinking. “I figured you wanted to get caught. You’re too good, and the trail was too easy.” I finally look at him and nudge his chin to look at me. “But I would never have hurt you. There was something so pure about you.”
“When I heard the gunshots,” he swallows. “I smiled for the first time in four years because I knew I would finally be free.”
“Oh, Holden,” I choke out, laying my forehead against his. “This place would be so much darker without you in it.” I gently place my lips against his before I realize what I’m doing. I pull back from him before muttering, “Sorry.”
“No,” he croaks. “Please don’t move.”
I lean my forehead against his again. When he looks up and locks those beautiful brown eyes with mine, I almost weep with joy.
There is no fear, hesitation, or uncertainty in his gaze, just an openness I’ve never seen in him.
This close to him, I notice the light smattering of freckles across his proud nose and a tiny scar below his left eyebrow.
“Beautiful,” he whispers, taking the words from my mouth of what I was thinking about him. “Will you kiss me again?”
I gently lay my lips on his as I did before with a little more pressure.
There is a naivety surrounding him I can’t quite put my finger on.
He finally slides one hand onto my cheek, laying several pecks on my lips but never deepening it.
I follow his lead, not wanting to rush him, and I’m perfectly content to feel his lips on mine.
He lays his forehead back on mine with a sigh. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
I smile and run my hand through his curly hair. “This is your place now too, and someone will bring you whenever you want to come out here.”
I would make it happen because this place brought me so much peace at a very dark time in my life.
I need to work on teaching him how to drive, but he never seemed confident enough to try.
I notice that the more I push, he comes out of his shell, so my plan now is to nudge him little by little until I see the real Holden.
Looking into his eyes, I can see him lurking in there. I just needed to coax him out.
We get settled onto the bench with his arm wrapped around my shoulders and my head on his. We watch the colts playing in the field and the cows grazing. There is just something about getting out of the city. Holden by my side makes it even more special today.
I know now more than ever that I need to straighten things out with Leo.
He needs to know the truth about how I feel, and he can take that how he wants.
I’m already up to my eyeballs in guilt because of him and Ryder, and I’m sick of it.
I’m a person that goes after what I want and am damn sure going to do just that.
Fuck what anyone else says.