Chapter 30 Ryder
Ryder
Iwalk to Zane’s room on autopilot, like I’m lost in some trance.
When I get there, that’s when I start questioning myself.
I know I have a submissive streak deep down, but I always hide it behind all the other bullshit.
But when Zane got my face downstairs, squeezing the air from my lungs, I couldn’t stop my reaction to him.
It was something about his hold, his touch, the sound of his voice that slid over me, calming me.
Can I give up all that control to Zane? Holden makes me feel loved; Zane makes me feel protected.
I’ve never felt that before. I’m the protector.
I never had anyone do that for me in this way.
Dex did on missions, but this is different.
Bigger. I close my eyes and remember the words he said downstairs.
“This doesn’t make you weak. Don’t hesitate to take what you want or need, and never feel ashamed of that. Do you understand?” Zane looks back into my eyes, and I nod. “Words, Love. Say the words.”
That feeling of calmness washes over me again, just from the pet name that slid off his lips so easily.
I make my decision and strip just like he told me to.
Sinking to my knees to wait for him just feels right.
I refuse to feel ashamed that I need this; I need Zane.
My cock is throbbing painfully, standing straight up, begging me to stroke it.
Something tells me Zane won’t want me to. Not yet.
I hear the door open and lift my eyes to his face.
His eyes find mine, and it’s the softest I’ve ever seen them when he’s looking at me.
I can’t explain what’s happening between Zane and me; it’s just a feeling of rightness.
He shuts the door behind him before walking toward me.
Rubbing his hand down my face to my chin, he pulls my face up to look at him.
“Is this still what you need?” He asked me that downstairs, giving me a chance to back out, but my answer is still the same.
“Yes,” I answer breathlessly but proudly.
His eyes soften further. “Good boy.” A shudder rolls through me at that name, making my cock jump in anticipation.
It isn’t something I’ve ever thought I’d want, but I need his approval.
“You look sexy on your knees for me,” Zane says, pulling me back under his spell.
I understand now what Les feels about him and why she needs him in her life.
I slowly watch as he undresses, not taking my eyes off him.
Stroking a hand up his cock, he walks toward me. “Open, Love.”
I open it immediately, watching his eyes flare with heat.
Placing the head of his cock right on the tip of my tongue, he puts his hands on the side of my face, feeding his cock to me slowly.
I run my hands up the back of his legs until I reach the back of his thighs and leave them there.
I feel a shiver run through him and know he’s just as affected by this turn of events as I am.
Feeling him bump the back of my throat, I do what he said to do downstairs, opening my throat for him and causing him to groan deep and loud.
“Look at me,” he demands in a rough voice when my nose brushes his pubic bone.
My eyes snap to his, and the look he’s giving me makes me groan against the head of his cock.
“Fuck,” Zane breathes, sliding back out. “You like sucking my dick?”
“Yes,” I rasp. I’m so turned on that my heart is thumping wildly in my chest, and my cock is dripping pre-cum everywhere.
Zane groans again, reaches down, and jerks me to my feet. Before I can even breathe, his lips are on mine, walking me backward toward his bed. Lips still connected, we get settled on the bed, his body sliding over mine, kissing wildly, running our hands everywhere.
Every time I’ve argued with Zane flashes through my mind, and every one of them points to the same thing.
It was fueled by sexual tension on my end, something I couldn’t admit then, but I can now.
With the help of my family, I’ve been able to accept every part of myself.
Including that I’ve always been attracted to Zane. I just couldn’t say it.
I pull my mouth away, compelled to tell him. He starts kissing down my neck. “I’ve always thought you were sexy as fuck.”
His lips freeze, then he chuckles. Lifting his head to look me in the eye, he says, “I didn’t realize it until I saw you with the guys today, but looking back, I see it.
” He pecks my lips. “You’ve always been sexy to me.
” My heart flips; my ego swells. He locks his hand back around my throat, squeezing just enough it takes my breath.
“I always knew you were submissive too. The way you followed Les around, seeking her approval.” I frown, and he squeezes harder, making my hips grind into his. “What did I say about feeling ashamed?”
“Not to,” I say around his hold on me.
“Good boy,” Zane purrs, loosening his grip.
“What you’re feeling right now, Love? I feel it too.
” He slides his body against mine again.
“It feels like someone has ahold of an invisible string, pulling.” He grinds against me, making my back arch.
“Tugging.” He grinds again, making me moan.
I want to feel embarrassed by the sound, but it’s too freeing to care.
“Goddamn. That noise you make,” Zane groans, confirming what I just thought.
Kissing my neck again until he’s beside my ear, he whispers, “I need to feel you. You want my cock, Love?”
“Yes,” I croak, arching into his touch. “Please.”
Zane reaches over, rummaging through his bedside table, coming back with a bottle of lube.
I watch him tip it up, squirting it onto his fingers, then gripping his cock in a tight fist. Knocking my legs together, he scoots up until his knees are on either side of my hips, lowering until his ass is right on my cock.
Fucking his fist, he grinds down on me, making me gasp as he makes contact.
Leaning down, he kisses me hard one more time before knocking my legs back apart, wrapping his hands around the backs of my thighs and pushing my pelvis up.
I swallow again, feeling vulnerable as hell in this position.
Zane grabs the base of his cock and starts sliding between my ass cheeks. “Such a pretty ass,” he groans.
“Have you ever been with a guy before?” I gasp when he slides up again.
“No,” he answers, eyes locked on where his cock is.
“You’re my first, Love.” That shouldn’t make me feel the way it does, some of the uneasiness ebbs away, and I realize that’s what he’s waiting on.
As soon as I relax, he lines up and pushes his hips forward until the head of his cock slides inside of me. “Holy fuck, that’s tight,” he hisses.
With one hand still holding his cock, he pushes my thigh toward my shoulder before moving his hips forward, groaning the whole slow slide into my ass.
His hands slam beside my head when his thighs touch mine, his eyes locking with mine.
He starts working his hips, pulling in and out slowly, getting used to being inside of a guy.
His hips shift, and the head of his cock rubs across my prostate, ripping a deep moan from my chest.
“That’s it, Love,” he breathes, his lips rubbing mine. “Show me how good I make you feel.”
“Fuck, Zane,” I grunt, pushing my hips down to fuck myself on his cock.
He locks his hand around my throat again. “Stop. Moving. You aren’t in control here.”
My hips drop to the bed. “Please.”
“Please, what?” Zane asks, licking across my top lip. “Tell me what you need.”
“I need you to fuck me.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s what you need.
” His hips start moving slowly. “I think you need someone to take their time. You need someone to give you what you give Holden.” I close my eyes because he’s right.
“You don’t always want to be the tough guy,” Zane continues.
“You want to feel protected. Cherished.” I can feel my throat close with emotion at his words.
All my life, my dad and Luca pumped into my head that I need to be the strongest, toughest, and meanest. They didn’t know what effect it would have on me reaching out to my softer side.
The side that wants everything Zane is offering.
I closed that part of myself off, making me turn into a fucking asshole to hide.
Now Zane is handing it to me on a silver platter and all I have to do was reach out and take it.
I swallow hard past the lump in my throat. “I need you to make love to me.”
When I was with Leo and Gage, they both took me from behind. I don’t want that now, no matter how vulnerable it makes me feel.
Zane lays his forehead on mine. “Then that’s what you get, Love.”
Zane starts moving again, slowly sliding in and out, then seals his lips over mine.
His kiss is the same as his movements, slow and unhurried, taking his time to give me what I asked for.
I slide my hands around his back, then hook them at the base of his spine.
He shudders from my touch, pulling his mouth away and laying his forehead back on mine.
Locking my eyes with his whiskey-colored ones, I watch his pupils expand, his irises darken, and emotion clogs my throat again.
As a man, you’re taught not to cry and not to let your emotions show. They tell you it makes you weak and less of a man.
I’m here to tell you, fuck that. Emotions are a part of life. Cutting them off can damage you in ways that you never thought possible. I’ve held mine in for so damn long; it’s like a dam is about to burst.
I feel the first tear slip down my cheek.
“That’s it, Love,” Zane encourages, not at all freaked out; it’s like he’s expecting it.
“Let it go.” All the anger from downstairs rushes to the service, trying to pull me back under.
I’ve never been that fucking mad in my life.
Something in me snapped, and I blacked out.
The next thing I remember was the look on Les’ face when I turned around.
She was fucking scared of me. “Let. It. Go,” Zane whispers in my ear.
Tears start slipping down my face, slowly.
It isn’t a rush; it’s like a soft release, cleansing my mind, my soul, and my heart.
Zane never stops his slow pace inside me, never moving his eyes from mine.
He doesn’t look disgusted by the show of emotion; he seems relieved he was able to help me through it.
“Zane,” I moan when I feel my body relax, my mind clear.
“I know, Love,” he murmurs. “I’ve got you.
” He starts moving with purpose, moving inside me with deep, shallow strokes.
“Fuck. You feel good.” I hear the door creak open, and my head whips to look.
Les steps in with a soft smile. Guilt and shame slam into me.
“Don’t do that,” Zane says harshly, making my eyes snap to his.
“Don’t hide from her.” I know he doesn’t mean physically; he means emotionally.
I gave Les my heart. I was open to that, but I still try to hide this part of myself from her.
“Come here, Il mio sole,” I rasp.
“Good boy,” Zane whispers, making my cock jump against his stomach. “Let us take care of you.”
Les climbs onto the bed to my side, rubbing her hand down my cheek, acceptance in her eyes. “I love you, Ryder,” she whispers. “Every part of you.”
I nod because I can’t get words past the lump in my throat again. They both lean down, kissing my lips at the same time, then kissing each other. Zane sits back on his heels while Les gets on her knees and pulls her shirt over her head, showing her beautiful naked body.
The first contact of her hand with my sensitive cock, I moan again, causing Zane to groan.
Zane starts moving harder, and Les slides me between her lips, sucking hard.
Keeping one hand on Zane’s arm, I slide one hand underneath her, sinking my fingers into her wet pussy, and circling my thumb around her clit. Now the connection is complete.
Zane slams his hips forward, causing my cock to sink into her throat. “Oh fuck,” I choke out.
“Make our good boy feel good, Beautiful,” Zane says, running his hand through her silky hair. She moans around my cock, and that’s all it takes.
I feel my entire body tense; my balls draw up painfully. “Fuckkkkkk,” I groan, feeling my cock jerk in Les’ mouth, coming down her throat. Jet after jet of cum is ripped out of me; it’s like it won’t stop. And she takes it all without complaint, swallowing around the head.
My body finally relaxes against the bed; her head pops up on a moan, grinding herself down on my fingers, still fucking her.
“I’m going to come,” Zane grinds out, starting to pull out.
I grab his hip to stop him; his eyes darken again when they lock with mine, reading what I don’t say. I feel him start swelling inside me, and with his eyes never leaving mine, he comes inside me. Les screams right behind him, her release soaking my hand.
I gently pull my fingers out and pull her up so I can kiss her pouty lips. Gently stroking my tongue against hers, I feel the best I’ve ever felt. She pecks my lips one more time before getting on her knees, and kissing Zane the same way.
I frown when she slides off the bed. “Where are you going, Il mio sole?”
She pecks my lips with a smile. “This is your time with him.”
She slips the shirt back over her head before padding from the room, softly closing the door behind her.
Zane shifts and I feel the drag of his cock sliding out of me, his cum leaking out behind it. Leaning down, he kisses me gently before pulling back and pulling me to sit up.
“Come on. I’ll clean you up,” he says gently.
“You don’t have to,” I tell him, sliding off the bed. He’s already done more than I could have asked for.
“I want to. Now come on.”
He leads me to the bathroom, turns the shower on, pulling me in with him. “Are you okay?” he asks once we’re inside. I know he’s asking about more than just the sex. He’s asking about everything that happened from the basement to the point we’re at now.
“Yeah,” I answer honestly.
He backs me up until my back hits the wall, pressing against me. “Good,” he rasps. “Because you and Holden?” He pecks my lips. “Are mine.”
He waits for me to acknowledge that with a nod before sealing his lips over mine.
And sealing our fates together.