19. Chapter 19
Chapter 19
Grayson
I didn’t mean to lie to River. I told her I would be good. Usually, I can force the fury to fizzle out.
Yet tonight, the search for that pre-ride calmness eludes me, no matter how much I pace or think of the woman I need to make it home to.
That rage only boils higher, rolling through me like a tidal wave. The intensity wreaking more havoc than I want to allow.
I’d walked River back to the gate where she likes to watch before disappearing into the back. The last kiss I’d given her was not nearly enough. Not enough to settle her or ground me. I can only hope she didn’t notice the storm raging inside me was growing.
The fear was there in her eyes. If I am going to keep my promise to her, I need to calm down. I need to find my focus. The bull they pulled for me tonight is a nasty bastard. If I’m not right, I may not walk out of there, and I’ll be damned if I don’t go home with the only person who has always had my back. The only person who has always seen the real me and only wanted more of him.
But I can’t stop replaying the night out with Tate. It started awkwardly, the both of us sipping our beers and talking about the competition he left town for before we got to the meat of our problems.
It hurt. It was weird. I’m sure the both of us hated every minute of it, but it felt like the start of our mending a relationship that broke decades ago. It felt like I hated him a little less and loved him a little more. That’s why I’m shattered tonight.
For all the talk we had about the family ranch and even contemplating what Boulder might be like under new management, he never said a word. He never once hinted that he was the new owner. He even lied to my face, insisting he had no idea who it was.
I’m angry, but more than anything, I’m devastated that he didn’t think he could trust me enough to tell me. Tate has always had his hand in everything I’ve ever done. Left his mark on everything I wanted to claim for myself. But to my knowledge, he’s never once lied to me.
Until now.
“Gray, you’re up.”
I barely acknowledge my name being called, grabbing my rope and stalking toward the chute.
It’s a fight to stamp down the emotions associated with Tate. The struggle to hold on to River’s voice and let her calm wash through me is too slow a process as I lower myself down on the bull. The bastard bucks and slams into the sides of the chute, grunting loudly.
“Whoa,” I whistle, readjusting my grip.
“You’ve got this, baby,” River’s voice carries down to me. Looking up, she’s right there on the platform. That same fear still lives in her eyes, but that bright smile erases all of mine.
I love you , courses through my mind. I can only hope my expression conveys that as I pull my gaze away from her.
Wrapping my rope around my gloved hand, the bull slams into the wall again. His huffs and grunts reverberating off the metal surrounding us. The bastard growing angrier with every shift of my body forward.
But I’m ready, and with my nod, the chute gate opens.
King barrels out, spinning quickly before kicking high.
The rush of being on the back of one of the most dangerous animals alive has always brought me calm. A sense of meaning and belonging washing through me. It used to be that I would see myself riding as if it was an out-of-body experience, but tonight, only images of River flit through my mind.
Her bare legs as she waltzes around our house in my shirts, or the way she plays with my hair when she thinks I’m sleeping. Her off-key singing in the shower or the baby voice she uses with Bronc, but not Bull. In a month, that woman became my whole world. This ride is about so much more than just me and doing something that makes me feel like myself. It’s her, too. It’s us.
The roar of the crowd is muted as King switches directions again. My counterbalance keeps me exactly where I need to be before he jumps high, putting us back near the chute opening.
I never look at the clock. The buzzer tells me when I’m done. Until then, I will hang on like my life depends on it.
Hours seem to pass as I grit my teeth, fighting against the beast beneath me, that loud siren bringing me back to the present. The cheers roar louder than they ever have before. My gaze finding River’s just before I spot Tate. It doesn’t matter that the apology is there in his eyes. The rage builds all over again.
Tearing my eyes away, I release my hand to dismount, only for King to jump high again, throwing me into the gate.
Searing pain radiates through my body as my spine collides with the edge. Every bone cracking before I hit the dirt head first.
Wheezing breaths and heavy limbs leave me immobile on the ground. Every cell burning against the pain.
Pain so overwhelming, I’m convinced I’m dying.
Get up, Gray. You promised. Get. Up .
But no matter how much I try, my body won’t cooperate. My vision shifts in and out of focus. The ache in my head quickly turning to a throbbing bass drum. That hammer crashing down over and over again at the rear of my skull. The muffled sounds of the crowd and people rushing around me quickly fading with each passing second.
Get. Up… Promised.
Then there’s nothing.
Just black.