26. Chapter 26
Chapter 26
River
G ray’s admission rings through my mind as he holds me in his arms.
When we returned home and he kissed every inch of my body, itching to get inside me, I couldn’t say no. Not after we were both open about our feelings.
I’d made him lie on his back and take what I gave him. My hips rode him at a lazy pace until we both came undone in the shimmering moonlight.
“You’re still up,” he groans, the tips of his fingers dancing over my shoulder.
“Yeah..”
“Thinking about me, I hope.” The smile in his voice drawing out mine.
“And if I’m not?”
He groans, nuzzling his bearded face into my neck. “Then I hope it’s at least good things. I want you to be happy, River.”
I swear my heart explodes in my chest. Gray can be infuriating sometimes, especially throughout this recovery process, but he’s also the sweetest man I’ve ever known.
Turning to face him fully, his eyes pop open, the brown turning to an eerie gray in the moonlight shining through his windows. “You make me happy. You drive me crazy, but make me happy, too.”
Our lips brush in the softest caress. “Then why are you awake, fidgeting with the comforter?”
“Because of what you said.”
“That I am going to marry you?”
“Well, yeah. I—” My lips press shut, unsure how to phrase what I need to say without sounding insensitive. “It’s just my career.”
He chuckles, pulling me into his side. “River, I know how hard you’ve worked to get where you are. I would never jeopardize that, nor do I want to. But make no mistake, I’m going to marry you one day. I won’t have it any other way.”
My heart does a somersault in my chest. With a declaration like that, how could I not want it? And I do, but I need to be respected by my colleagues, too.
I’m just unsure if both can exist in the same space.
If this perfect life I’m building with Grayson Garrison can exist in a world where Dr. River Thompson, orthopedic surgeon, has to prove herself every day just because she’s a woman.
“Get some sleep. We both have work in the morning.”
“I love you,” I whisper so low I doubt he heard it.
Yet Gray squeezes me closer. “You don’t have a choice. You are the beat of my heart and the blood in my veins. You’re the swirl of colors that fill the sky at the beginning of each new day. Without you, I don’t exist. Know that you mean that and so much more when I say I love you because the words don’t cover it.”
Pressing my eyes shut, I let his words wash over me just as sleep claims me, too.
“River, come here,” Gray calls from across the field.
Sprinting through my field of cows, I race over to his side. He’s standing next to one of the retired bulls he rescued. A massive white and brown beast I’d named Fester.
“Is he okay?” I breathe, wondering why he called me over.
“He’s great. Come on.” It’s then that I notice Gray has a rope wrapped around the bull’s neck, as if it’s the most docile creature known to man; I don’t trust it. I’ll likely never trust a bull again.
Since Gray’s accident, I’ve been wary around the bulls. They’ve all acted as they always have, nudging my hand for the pets and hugs I’d once given them without fear. Are they like other animals, where they can sense that I feel differently toward them now?
“Where are you taking Fester?”
The bull huffs as if acknowledging that I used the name I gave him, though he already had one.
“Just relax,” Gray chuckles, leading us into a smaller fenced-in area I know he uses to practice or work with the horses at times.
He leads us through the gate before latching it behind us.
“Come on,” Gray flags me closer. He grips my waist, hoisting me up in the air. “Get on.”
My body immediately jerks, feet and hands flying out in protest. “Absolutely not.” Yet gray’s hold on me doesn’t waver. Somehow, switching from gripping my waist to wrapping his arms around me, without my feet finding the ground again. “Hell no. Put me down. No!”
“River, shh. You’ll scare him. Baby, it’s okay. Just trust me.”
My heart rate refuses to slow as I shake my head. Over my dead body, am I getting on the back of an animal that almost killed him twice.
“Gray, put me down. Now!” I grunt.
“No. You’re going to get on Fester.” He stumbles over the name as if he has a bad taste in his mouth. “Then you’re going to let him walk you around the ring.”
“Gray. No. What if…” The words lodge in my throat, thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I could be the next one in a hospital bed.
“I promise you, I will be right by your side. Nothing bad is going to happen. Please get on the bull.”
As if his words were the water to put out my fire, the fight dies. With a grunt, he hoists me higher again, my arms wrapping around Fester’s thick neck, as Gray helps me toss one leg over the side. Sitting tall, my entire body vibrates with fear, but Fester didn’t so much as move through the whole process.
Gray clicks his tongue and the bull moves forward. A slow shuffle around the edge of the caged area. His pace never changes, and as Gray promised, he’s right there at my side, a hand wrapped around my calf, providing me with more comfort than he likely realizes.
“Bulls are quite calm, usually. Some are mean and nasty, but most are like your boy Fester here. They just want love. They want peace.”
I listen as Gray reaches out his other hand and pets along the bull’s side, earning a snort.
“We purposely antagonize them when we funnel them into the shoots and then the arena. But it’s not what they are. It’s not who they are. I know you’re scared after what happened to me. I know you don’t trust them anymore, but I wanted to show you that you can. That you should. Pet him, River.”
A trembling hand lifts from where I’ve planted them along the bull’s spine between my spread legs. Slowly, I lower it, running my palm along the coarse fur. The action repeated several times. But nothing changes. Fester only continues his slow trot in circles, as if completely unbothered by our presence.
“Do you feel better?” Gray asks.
“Yes, and no.” An honest answer. “They might be calm now, but you aren’t riding them like this.”
He sighs, shaking his head. “I have to ride, River.”
“And I never asked or told you to stop,” I snap. “Just because you’re not scared of getting hurt doesn’t mean you get to tell me I’m not supposed to be.”
“You’re right. I was hoping this would help with that.”
“Let me down,” I order him, bracing for Fester to finally grow angry.
Gray clucks his tongue again, and the bull immediately stops moving with another snort. He helps me down, and once again Fester doesn’t even react.
But Gray doesn’t let me go, our fronts pressed together beside a deadly beast.
“River, I’m trying—”
“Shush, thank you for bringing me out here. You’re just going to have to understand I am always going to be scared for you. I nearly broke that first night I came back here and got a taste of what it would be like for you to not come home. So hear me when I say this, Grayson Garrison, I will never tell you not to fight for what you love and the things you want to accomplish, but I will always worry about you. The surgeon in me will fight you tooth and nail to get you to care about your well-being the way I do.”
“I expect nothing less,” he kisses me sweetly, flashing that panty-dropping Gray smile. “Let’s go put your boy back, and then I have an hour to have my way with you before I drop you at work.”
Yes, sir.