Chapter 14
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
MARLEY
My heart is nearly pounding out of my chest.
I just fucked one of my best friends.
I just fucked my husband’s best friend.
My husband fucked me… while getting fucked at the same time… by that same man.
I just fucked my dead best friend’s husband.
For the first time tonight, pure and utter anxiety strum through me.
Any confidence—false or genuine—falters, and guilt mars itself into my bones.
My fingers twist in my own hands as I stand before the men I love more than anything, watching them play and test the temperature of the water in Zander’s walk-in shower.
“How many people does it take to turn on a shower?” I force myself to speak but curse internally as it comes out shaky and small.
Oh, the joys of being a yapper, I think. I definitely just sold myself out.
Zander turns to look at me before raising a sassy brow. “Three if you want to join. I’m trying to make the water perfect for you, princess.”
Maddox snorts as he holds his wrist out, testing the water’s temperature himself, he jokes, “Insert threesome joke here.”
Zander’s eyes stay on me even as he shakes his head. His eyes flit over me, analyzing every inch of me, and I swallow roughly. While a major part of me should be flattered, or even turned on yet again, I simply question if I am going to go into cardiac arrest under the intensity of his gaze.
“What?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer.
Instead, I blink one second, and the next, his arms are wrapped around me in a tight embrace. I blink back tears as my arms come up to hug him back, right as Maddox turns to look at us both before locking eyes with me. “Not what I was imagining when I made the threesome comment.”
It’s my turn to snort half-heartedly. “Give my vagina a break, you heathen.”
He winks at me before walking closer to Zander and I, placing a kiss at the top of my forehead, and tucking a curly pink lock behind one of my ears. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
I can’t help the sniffle that comes out of me when Zander releases his hold and backs away slowly. “Everything.”
“Mhmmm. And what is ‘everything,’ my love?”
My voice comes out high as I speak faster than I ever have in my life.
“Erm, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that me and the love of my life just had really, really good sex with our best friend—who we’ve both loved as more than a friend for quite a long time but were too much of pussies to admit that because life is a chaosfuckingshitstorm—and I feel guilty, but yet I want to do it again and again and again, and—”
Zander cuts me off. “Breathe, Starburst.”
Him calling me that nickname immediately shuts me up.
Maddox turns to him. “Aye, that’s mine.”
“What’s yours is mine, baby,” Zander replies sarcastically before turning back to me. “C’mere. Shower time. All of us.”
I whine. “But we need to tal—”
“And we can do that in the shower. I’d rather discuss the trajectory of our lives under hot water and steam while naked, than cold air that is absolutely not helping your anxiety or fight–or-flight response, yeah?”
Fair point.
I nod as Maddox takes my hand and softly pulls me toward the steam. As soon as the water hits me, I groan, and my shoulders relax instantly.
Zander chuckles. “Never question my princess-water-testing skills again, ma’am.”
I grunt and move toward the body wash, only to be tsked at and shoved in between two very muscular bodies.
In seconds, both of their hands are on me, washing away the activities of our shared night.
Zander grabs a bottle of shampoo and works it into my scalp while Maddox rubs a soapy washcloth over my flesh, and I sigh as tension leaves me.
Zander is the first one to break the silence.
“I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what…
any of this means, in complete honesty. I don’t know the rules.
I haven’t had sex in six years before tonight—let alone been romantic since then.
I don’t even know if I’m good at it all.
I’ve spent all this time longing, or mourning, or mourning and longing.
I’m… in the dark about a lot. It’s something I need to work through myself. ”
My heart climbs in my throat, but I force the words out anyway, cutting him off. “If this is you asking for an out, we’ll gladly give it to you. You’re our best friend, Zan. We can pretend like this never happened.”
Maddox takes over. “Yeah, man. We’re all adults. We get it. Heat of the moment things. We can sweep it under the rug. Marley and I can go back home. It never happened, and we’ll see you tomorrow for the next race.”
Zander finishes scrubbing at my hair before he tugs at it softly, forcing a gasp out of me at the same time he forces my head back into the spray of water. His tone is sassy as he responds, “I wasn’t done.”
My own tone takes a sassy approach. “Well, would ya hurry it up before I have a fucking heart attack? Already fighting an anxiety attack here, ya dick.”
The sound of a slap sounds in the air before fire lights one of my ass cheeks aflame. “Ow! What was that for?”
He leans my head back up and reaches for a bottle of his conditioner, and Maddox smirks as he watches us, now covering himself in body wash. “The attitude. The night isn’t over yet. I’m still Daddy.”
My breath catches in my throat, and I turn to look at him quizzically. He continues, “I don’t know what I’m doing, or how to do it. But the one thing I do know? Is that if I were to be with anyone ever again, I would choose you two over and over again.”
The smile on Maddox’s face is immediate. If the whole “he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding” thing was real, he would definitely fit the bill based on his smile and body movement alone.
I bite my bottom lip as I stare at Zander. “Really? You want this? Us? You want your first relationship in years to be a throuple with your best friends?”
Maddox whistles lowly. “Well, don’t talk him out of it. Damn.”
Zander ignores him. “I do. We’ve all said it multiple times tonight. We want this. We’ve wanted this for years. Why not finally fucking do it? Especially after… well, all that.”
I glare as Maddox’s expression morphs into one of a golden retriever. “All what?”
Zander gives him a droll expression in return. “Well, I was going to tease you about taking my cum like a good boy, but now I’ll just focus on your squirting wife instead.”
He gasps and throws the soapy rag at us both. It forces a giggle out of me. “Rude!”
I voice my two main concerns. “What about Kali?”
Zander blinks in confusion. Almost like it’s rocket science. “Kali loves you both more than anything. She’ll think it’s a party all day, every day. And when it’s time for that talk, then we’ll talk.”
I gnaw on my bottom lip. “And Ashley?”
Zander’s smile is sad. “I think that if Ashley were a ghost in front of us right now… she would tell me to stop being a mopey, emo-boy fuck and focus on my happiness now. She would tell me to do what I want instead of living in the past. And this is what that would mean. Us. All of us.”
Maddox steps closer, all joking left aside for a second. He presses his lips to mine, his tongue swiping at my bottom lip, before he moves over to kiss Zander in the exact same manner. “Then this is what we’re doing.”
I smile and nod. “Okay.”
Zander mimics me. “Okay.”
Maddox smiles too before turning to leave the shower. “Finish washing her hair so we can fucking cuddle. Too much serious talk when naked. And tell Ashley to stop staring at my ass!”
My mouth drops open in shock before a loud laugh spills out.
“Pssssstttt!” a voice whispers in my ear, forcing a groan out of me. Heat surrounds me from the boys, and I struggle to sit up from the weight of both of their arms.
The sound happens again. “PSSSTTT!”
I crack an eyelid open and squint against the harsh light spilling out from the curtains in Zander’s room, only to come face to face with Kali, peaking over Zander’s shoulder with a manic smile. “Did you and Uncle Mads have a sleepover with Daddy?!”
My mouth drops open as a blush spreads over my face, and I move to grip the bed sheets closer to me so she doesn’t see anything. It’s made even worse when Zander’s mother walks in the room. “Kali, honey, let him slee—oh my God, I’m so sorry!”
Kali laughs. “What? They’re just having a sleepover!”
I face-palm as Zander’s mother nearly runs out of the room with a giggling Kali on her heels.
Zander’s voice speaks next, rough with sleep, as he rolls to get up. I huff, not even knowing he was awake. “You two have now ruined the term Daddy for me. Thanks a lot. Don’t you dare touch Santa Claus.”