35
“P inball,” Dakota says as she, Reese, and Ruby come to a stop outside the Rose and Cowboy Arcade four days later, “must be serious.”
The neon sign above casts hot-pink light over all of us.
I arch a brow, staring at the three women in front of me. Women who probably hate my guts. I wouldn’t blame them one bit. I hurt all of them with my cruel words. Every one of these fierce, strong women has gone through something shitty. I can’t use my trauma as an excuse to hurt people. No more.
Steeling myself, I hold my sister’s gaze. “I acted like an asshole.”
Dakota tilts her chin up. “You did.”
I look at Reese. “I used your past to hurt you, and I’m sorry.”
Reese crosses her arms, the gold necklaces around her throat glinting in the sun. Her face softens, and she works hard to swallow.
I turn to Ruby, her blue eyes dim and narrow. While I can survive Reese’s and Dakota’s wraths, there’s something about pissing off Ruby that’s terrifying.
I exhale. Keep going. “I was terrible that night.”
“You were.” Ruby looks at Dakota. “Can I say it?”
A nod. “You can.”
My heart thunders as I wait for her reply.
Then Ruby says, “Fuck you, Fallon.”
I suck in a breath at the heat in her words. “I deserve that, but also, good for you.”
Ruby laughs, wetly. “That really hurt. What you said.”
“I know it did.” I want to clamp down on the vulnerability rising up, but I don’t.
I go on, hot tears filling my eyes. “Ruby, I am so, so sorry for what I said at dinner. I am so sorry you lost your baby.” I blow out a ragged breath.
“You and that cowboy of yours deserve all the happily-ever-afters, and I know someday soon you’ll get them. ”
Ruby’s blue eyes fill with tears. “Thank you.” There’s a long pause, and then she says, “I forgive you, Fallon.”
I sag, gripping the handles of my walker to hold myself up. Her words, her soft smile, feel like the sweetest grace.
Dakota steps to my side. Her smile is bright and smug. “We like you because of your bad attitude.”
Reese nods. “But you can’t be mean to us.”
“Never again. Cowgirl honor.” I survey them then gesture at the door. “Will you let me buy you apology games of pinball?”
Dakota looks at Reese and Ruby. “What do you think?”
Reese smiles. “I think we have time.”
Mischief shines in my sister’s eyes. “Time to kick your ass.”
I bark a laugh. “Highly unlikely.”
It’s only when Ruby links her arm through mine that I realize how badly I needed it.
The arcade clangs, but nothing is as loud and obnoxious as my shit-talking big sister.
“You’re goin’ down,” Dakota says, elbowing me. “Just like your fifteenth birthday.”
“Shut up,” I snarl, launching the plunger and sending the ball careening around the glittery machine. “I have this in the bag.”
Memories of when we were kids. Our father dropping us here before a rodeo, all the tokens we could want, all the sugary slushies, too.
Dakota shrieks as she’s hit with a three-ball attack. “Damn bitch ball,” she growls.
“You’re the oldest.” I punch the buttons, and the flippers go wild. “You’re supposed to be a good example and lose.”
“Ha,” Dakota barks. Mischief shines in her eyes. “A big sister’s job is to gently humble you.”
I snort.
“I’ve never seen them like this,” Reese quips from her spot on the couch. “Insane with sister rage.”
“It’s called competition.” Tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth, Dakota sends the ball sailing up into the mouth of Bruce the Shark then lets out a cry of triumph. She turns and looks at me. “And it’s called I win.”
I roll my eyes. My sister’s competitiveness will never be stifled. “Butthead.”
Laughing, we join Reese and Ruby at a black velvet couch near a fireplace. On the low table in front of us, an assortment of appetizers and drinks. Frantic sounds of the arcade clang around us.
The entire town of Resurrection is out and about tonight. At a corner pool table, Tripp chalks his cue. Beef, hunched over a Pacman machine, keeps one hand on the controller, the other wrapped around an ice-cold beer like the pro he is.
“What’s Beef doing here?” I ask, grabbing up my drink. “Doesn’t he have a bar to run?”
Dakota smothers a smile. “He has a life, too, Fallon.”
“Beef,” I shout, and he turns. “Why aren’t you at the bar?” A chorus of agreement rings out from around us.
The tips of his ears turn pink. He glowers and runs a massive hand over his bald head. “Christ, Fallon, give me a goddamn break.”
I smirk and wiggle my drink. “Refill?”
“Fuck you,” he says, but he’s laughing.
“Okay, so you know what it’s time for,” Reese announces, twisting the massive rock on her finger. The delighted expression on her face has me cringing.
I groan and needle my temple. “We’re gonna do it, aren’t we?”
“Oh, yes,” Ruby breathes. “It’s time for no bullshit—”
“Tell the truth,” Reese finishes. Brow arched, she sips her vodka soda. “It worked on me.”
“I can’t wait.” Ruby claps her hands together. “Soul baring will commence in approximately one pink drink.”
“Uh huh.” Koty waves a finger when I snap open my mouth to protest. “Out with it.”
“You can tell us anything.” Ruby smooths a small hand over the hem of her pale-blue sundress. “We’re your friends.”
“Stop acting like you’re burdening us,” Reese says, green eyes lighting with understanding. “You’ve always been protective of us. Let us be protective of you.”
“We have you, too,” Ruby adds.
“Goddamn,” I complain. “You are all insufferable when you’re sappy.”
Dakota smiles. “We just love you.”
My friends sit, their faces open—waiting.
Heart pounding, I run my finger around the rim of my glass. I don’t want to talk about Aiden, but it’s time. Wyatt showed me it’s okay to open up. To let someone in.
“Fucking fine,” I growl then down the whiskey in one long gulp. Might as well give myself some liquid courage. As I set the empty glass on the table, Reese reaches up to signal for another round.
I turn to my sister, finally letting myself voice the words.
“I’m sorry I left. After Aiden…it was hard to be around you, because I felt like it was my fault.
So I acted up. I drank too much. I was awful to everyone to push them away.
” I bite my lip, my eyes flicking to Reese, because she understands. “And then—then I ran.”
I see how it hits my sister, hurts her. I hate myself, but she needs to know. I owe this to her.
Dakota’s pretty face crumples. “Oh, Fallon, no.”
“I felt so fucking guilty that I let him get to you and Squish,” I whisper, my heart aching. My guilt crashes over me once again like a tsunami. “I hated myself.”
My sister leans in, sliding her hands over mine. Her brown eyes shine with tears. “You are not responsible for what that monster did.” She shakes her head. “That is not on you, Fallon. I have never blamed you for that. Ever.”
Lower lip trembling, I nod, nod, nod. It’s all I can do.
“You saved us,” Dakota insists fiercely, squeezing my hands. “And I’ll tell you what you told me after Aiden. He did this. Not you.”
She’s right. I’m not responsible for what Aiden did. Dakota survived. I can, too.
Beside me, Ruby sniffles.
I blink to keep the tears at bay, but one slips out. “Ugh, I hate all of you. You made me cry, you sweet monsters.”
Ruby fans my face with a menu while Reese dabs at my cheek with a napkin.
The wave of love, of forgiveness, that crashes over me almost threatens to take me under. I left Resurrection thinking that would fix me, but here I am, back home, fixing myself.
The sharp click-clack of high heels has us looking up. Has Ruby gasping.
My eyes taper into suspicious slits as I watch Sheena Wolfington slink across the floor.
There’s been bad blood between us ever since she called me white trash in middle school.
When she had the entire town believing Wyatt shaved her head, I broke into her salon and shattered every mirror, sliced up all her chairs. Karma’s a bitch, but I’m bitchier.
“I don’t fucking believe it,” I grumble as Sheena walks straight into Beef’s outstretched arms. “She’s extremely boring, and her ability to never serve is insane. What’s Beef smoking?”
Ruby stares like it’s her personal night at the movies. “Love,” she murmurs, sipping her pink drink.
“It’s been going around,” Dakota adds. “Where have you been?”
“I know where she’s been.” Reese’s smile is sly. “Wyatt.”
I scoff, even as my heart trips several beats. “I need a man like I need a hole in the head.”
More drinks are delivered.
Dakota’s gaze lands on the pool table. “What about Tripp?”
I choke on my drink. “What about Tripp?”
“He’s loved you since forever,” Dakota says.
“Yeah, but he’s not—” I stop myself.
Stop myself from saying, Wyatt .
“My type,” I finish, ignoring Dakota’s raised brow. “Face it, he’s about as interesting as a doorknob.”
Dakota sips her white wine. “So you’re saying you need someone more…wild. Reckless.”
I glare at my big sister. “I know what you’re doin’, Koty.” These women and whiskey—truth serum.
“Your cheeks are pink.”
“So?”
“So, that means you’re a liar.”
Riveted, Ruby leans forward to suck her drink, her eyes on us. “You’re Wyatt’s—”
“Wife,” I finish before she can say it. “On paper.”
Reese smirks. “What else have you been doing?”
I scowl. “When did this turn into kiss-and-tell hour?”
Reese laughs.
Dakota gasps. “You kissed him?”
I examine my bare ring finger, remembering the gold bands I made Wyatt get rid of. “It’s just a kiss.”
“A kiss is never just a kiss,” Ruby breathes. “Not with a cowboy.”
They stare at me expectantly, waiting for me to go on. Fuck. I hate this. The softening of my heart, my shell. But maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe for only those who matter.
“We’re sleeping together,” I admit finally.
Ruby’s grin, and the following squeal, is a flash of victory. Dakota and Reese exchange smug looks.
“Don’t get so excited,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “It’s just sex.”
“Is it?” Reese tries to smother a smile. “Sex with your husband sounds a lot like a relationship.”
I smack her in the shoulder. “Shut up.” Seeing her drink empty, I hand her the rest of my whiskey. “Here. Have mine.”
“What’s it like living with Wyatt?” Ruby asks.
Living with Wyatt constantly boils down to wanting to tear each other’s clothes off or fighting with each other until we tear each other’s clothes off.
“Honestly, the pros and cons of living with Wyatt are both his mouth.” A wicked smile tips my lips. “He does things in the—”
“Fallon, no,” Reese squeals, trying to cover Ruby’s ears. “Ruby’s too pure to know this.”
We all share a giggle.
“Living with Wyatt is fun,” I muse, feeling the effects of the whiskey. We all are. Ruby and Reese are puddles on the couch. “It’s weird to say, but it’s true.”
Whether we’re in the fields or the kitchen, life with Wyatt is easy. The world doesn’t seem as heavy. Worries fade. He’s there when I want to talk or rage. It feels so normal, so us, doing our life together. Waking up, saying goodbye, and then coming home to one another.
Wyatt’s silver-blue eyes flash in my mind. His boisterous laugh. His gentle way with animals.
He’s a good man. A cowboy. He’s given me everything this summer. Including him.
He told me I deserve him. In reply, I told him I wanted him. And I do, but…does that make us a thing? Does that mean something more than just sex?
Soon, it will be September. PT will be over. And that means we’re over. We divorce. Move on.
But it doesn’t ring true in my heart. In fact, it hurts to think about leaving Wyatt. I told Dakota I can’t live with him, but really, what if I can’t live without him?
“What about your grudge?” Dakota asks, intercepting my rambling train of thought.
Ruby’s and Reese’s curious eyes fall on me. My sister’s the only one who knows the entire story.
“Oh that.” I shrug a casual shoulder. “It’s over.”
Her eyes widen then narrow. “You little sneak. How did I not know about this?” She swirls a finger. “Spill it. Now.”
I tell my friends and sister about our night in the hot tub. The long ago grudge. The confessions. The apologies.
“Wow,” Dakota finishes, looking as stunned as I did that night.
Ruby’s bright voice is dreamy, delighted. “What if…all these years, you never really hated him?” She gasps and looks to Reese and Dakota. “What if you—”
Panicked, I clap a hand across her mouth, cutting her off. “Don’t say it.”
There have been so many secrets, so many emotions between me and Wyatt. Sex. Marriage. Tattoos. Lust. Disdain. Hate.
There’s only emotion left.
The one emotion that turns my heart into a gooey puddle. The one emotion I’ve tried to atom bomb into oblivion.
I think of the letter I left him, and my stomach bottoms out. The most vulnerable I’ve ever been in my life. Thank Christ he never found it. I’d never live it down.
Reese hoots and finishes my drink. “I hate to say it, Fallon, but I think that man fucked that grudge right out of you.”
I give her a shove, and she falls over onto Ruby. They hold on to each other, giggling and gasping for air.
We order one more round of drinks and then all stumble outside. Beneath the bright neon sign, Dakota pulls me into a hug. “Take you home?”
I pull back. “Wyatt’s on his way.”
She twinges the end of my braid. Her dark eyes are happy and hopeful. “Come over tomorrow? Play with Duke and Lainie.”
I smile. “Love to.”
I wave as Dakota’s Jeep spits gravel as it turns onto the highway leading to Runaway Ranch. My heart, my soul, feels lighter than they have in a long time.
As I wait for Wyatt, my phone rings. I swipe and answer.
“Hello?”
“Fallon McGraw?” a gruff voice booms.
I stare into the sunset. “One and only.”
“This is Chuck Dolan from the APRA.” My heart seizes. He goes on. “I know you’re currently recuperating, but someone put in a good word for you.” Over the line, the click of a keyboard. “We had an alternate spot open next month at an event in your hometown.”
“What’s the alternate spot?”
“Barrel racing.”
My breath hitches. It feels like a gift from the universe. A way to go back to my roots. A way to go home. A second chance. A fuck you to Pappy.
“Yes,” I say over the hard hammering of my heart. “I’m fucking in.”
After getting the details about the rodeo and exchanging emails, I hang up.
Guilt briefly flickers, but it’s quickly replaced by excitement. A month from now. I can be ready. Hell, I am ready.
Bootsteps behind me. I turn to see Tripp and his floppy hair exiting the Arcade. “Need a ride?” he asks.
“No,” I say, smiling as Wyatt pulls up at the curb. “I have one.”